Okay, so I shouldn’t have had the ENTIRE bottle of wine last night. (oops). I felt fine when I woke up at 6 a.m. - hustled my ass to work, and started reading emails. Now….4 hours later…..the raging headache from an ENTIRE bottle of Pinot Grigio? Not nice.

Not nice at-fucking-all.

And the tension around here is palpable. We all know another restructuring is on the horizon. In the past 4 months, major players have been walked out the door. We all know more layoffs are on the way. People are hoarding boxes to clear out their desks. Collecting personal email addresses from friends. Blood pressures are hitting the boiling point. I’d love to see the number of prescriptions being filled for Xanax or Valium. (Remember when Quaaludes were the mind-numbing drug of choice? Or, am I showing my age again? Sigh.)

Twice I’ve been the one who has had to give notice to people who were being “made redundant”. Kind of an interesting way to word it eh? The first time, I spoke to over 25 people in a 6-hour period. I went home that night and downed a very cheap bottle of champagne that I had bought for Mr. Hot as a joke Valentine’s Day present. Never felt buzzed. The adrenaline that coursed through my body prevented any of the alcohol from being absorbed. I’m convinced. What a freaking. shame. waste. of. a. bottle. of. bubbly.

Reactions of the people I spoke with that day? Mixed bag. Some of them handled it philosophically and told me that they were secretly relieved. They felt they’d become stagnant, but needed someone to light a fire under their ass to get them to find something new. Others felt worse for me (and they apologized TO ME(!) for the fact that I had to do this horrible thing). And yet others? Completely taken off guard.

The latest go around, I only had 4 or 5 discussions to worry about. That day was weird city. The people who were let go went dancing happily out of my office. The ones that were told that they needed to stay and participate in the divestiture? Oh my holy shit - they were pissed! Y’know, there’s just no pleasing some people. But hey, I’m sure that I’m now known at the Hatchet Woman. I always wanted a nickname other than “Bitch”.

Right now, everyone is in waiting mode. Waiting for the next ax to fall. Wondering if the person you’re sitting next to today is going to be around tomorrow. Obviously morale is NOT at its peak. Oh, and mid-year performance reviews must be completed. Yea, that’s gonna be fun.

Yesterday, my sister called me for some advice. She’s in her first Supervisor-type job. She was told she needed to fire 2 non-performers.

Her: “What should I do? I’ve never had to fire anyone before!”
Me: “Make sure there’s a large desk between the two of you, keep tissue nearby and make sure that there’s someone standing by listening for screams.”
Her: “Oh. [pause] No. [pause] Shit.”