My Life as a Hotfessional

Excerpts from the “Business Casual Dress Guidelines” just received in my email [with editorial comments by the Hotfessional]:

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WHAT TO WEAR

Appropriate Tops:
§ Business casual shirts / tops / blouses
§ Shells [over your nipples?]
§ Oxford / dress shirts
§ Polo-style shirts
§ Turtlenecks / mock turtlenecks
§ Shirts with collars
§ Crew neck sweaters
§ Cardigan sweaters / sweater sets [this is what I’m wearing today - and it’s 92 outside - and 1/2 the building lost power - and is without air conditioning!]
§ Vests worn with a business casual top
§ Suite jackets / blazers / sport coats [Sweet! or Suit! or Whatever!]

Appropriate Bottoms:
§ Business casual pants / slacks / trousers
§ Linen pants
§ Khaki-style pants
§ Dockers […as opposed to “business casual pants/slacks/trousers”? Huh?]
§ Capri pants

Appropriate Dresses / Skirts:
§ Business casual dresses / skirts
§ Tailored dresses / skirts
§ Linen dresses / skirts
§ Knee-length skirts (within business standards must strike the knee) [again? as opposed to ‘business casual, etc, etc.? w.t.f.?]

Appropriate Footwear:
§ Business casual dress shoes / sandals / pumps
§ Sling-back shoes
§ Open back dress shoes / mules
§ Flats / loafers
§ Leather topsiders / docksiders
§ Dress boots [I’m sure my thigh-high stilettos fit the description!]

WHAT NOT TO WEAR

Inappropriate Tops:
§ Sweatshirts / t-shirts (long / short sleeved) (allowed on Friday)
§ Tank tops
§ Shirts with pictures or language (excl. a small logo) [so, my “Heartless Bitches International” membership t-shirt is out?]
§ Backless, low-cut, sheer, tight or revealing tops [and 1/2 of the rest of my wardrobe?]
§ Bare midriff (front or back) / crop tops
§ Untucked shirts (excluding those tailored to be worn outside of trousers)
§ Fabrics: Denim (any color), vinyl, fleece or spandex [Well, here at least I have to say “Thank you Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus”]

Inappropriate Bottoms:
§ Jeans (allowed on Friday or M-Th if wearing a Monthly Jeans badge) [more about that monthly jeans badge later!]
§ Stretch pants / leggings / stirrup pants [Again, hallelujah!]
§ Sweatpants / sweat suits
§ Shorts / walking shorts
§ Overalls / coveralls
§ Trousers worn below the waistline or revealing navels [As long as they don’t go around lifting up shirts to see….how will they know? ]
§ Fabrics: Denim (any color), vinyl, fleece or spandex [And again….that spandex thing?]
§ City shorts [Now, this, I don’t really understand. Have you looked at women’s suits this season? Or can we override ‘no City shorts’ with ‘business suites’?]

Inappropriate Dresses / Skirts:
§ Sun dresses
§ Backless, low-cut, sheer, tight or revealing dresses
§ Overall / coverall jumpers
§ Skirts / dresses that are too short (i.e. mini’s)
§ Fabrics: Denim (any color), vinyl, fleece or spandex [no vinyl? damn. There goes the perfect outfit for my meeting next week.]

Inappropriate Footwear:
§ Athletic / tennis shoes (allowed on Friday or M-Th if wearing a Monthly Jeans badge)
§ Athletic sandals (i.e. Tevas)
§ Hiking boots / outerwear shoes or boots
§ Flip Flops
§ Garden Shoes (i.e. Crocs)

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I’ve commented about Casual Friday before, so I’m actually really glad that guidelines came out. But come on - if managers didn’t counsel employees on how they dressed before, what makes anyone think that it’s going to happen just because an email gets sent out?

Now, about that Monthly Jeans badge? If you pay $25 and wear a bright yellow badge - which must stay visible at all times, you can wear jeans for that month. Jeans and tennis shoes. The t-shirts are still verboten (except on Fridays), but $25 will buy you the privilege of wearing jeans every day! Now, the money does go to a good cause, but people - you’re the ones I hear outside my office bitching about the cost of gas, the cost of food in the cafeteria, the low wages and the rising unemployment stats in the state. I can’t wait to see how many people buy into this.

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—- Mr. Hot, Shortman and I are out to see The Gin Blossoms tonight. I consider myself lucky that our 15-year-old will go to concerts with us. Of course, bribing him with Mexican food beforehand may have something to do with it —-

After a full day on conference calls - I’m very, very grateful that we don’t have video-conferencing.

They wouldn’t see me playing with my bra, but since I’m on these damn diuretics (due to constant bloating from pre-menopause), they would see a little bit of a “but I’ve got to peeeeeeeeeeeee, stop talking and let me take a bio-break” chair dancing.

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This just made me laugh:

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I covet handbags. Right now, I’m in love with Beijo Bags. Especially this one:

And I want this briefcase:

But I’m afraid Mr. Hot would never let me hear the end of it. He understands (almost) shoes, but not purses. When I tried to explain why my Kate Spade ebay win ($20 for a black fabric “Sam”) was a bargain, he looked at me like I was nuts. “Why do you need another black purse?” Explanations were impossible. There’s a gene that they’re missing.

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I’ve been reading Amy for a while, and caught the early-on “Advice Smackdowns”, but haven’t been to the all advice, all the time site. Since I’m currently agonizing over my hair - (yes, another side-effect of pre-menopause….dry, dry, dry, ugly fucking hair that won’t do a thing I want it to do…argh), maybe I’ll pick up some pointers.

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—- So, by now, you’ve probably figured out that I’m having a bit of writer’s block today. Conference calls will do that to me. Check back tomorrow, maybe something will actually happen worth writing about [grin]. —-

First, we woke up and went to sign the papers to get this. Yes, since I went from a station wagon to a sporty little sedan, we needed something to haul shit around in. This is going to be Shortman’s in a few months.

Then we came home and I went and picked a few tomatoes from the planters. And admired the peppers. Yum.

Then I went to check out the flowers. Here are my black-eyed susans with an interspersing of Russian Sage

And my Silver Wave petunias that I grew from seed!

And my calendula. Also from seed.

Then I looked at my stack of books

Picked one (The Richard Bachman book) and made for this:

With some cranberry juice, ice, and this:

—- Life is good in the Hotfessional household this Saturday. —-

I had an IPod shuffle. I bought it in 2005 - when it debuted. It died. Well, it didn’t really die as much as was murdered. Mr. Hot hated the IPod (he’s a Mac-hater, too.)

• The 5th Dimension: Stoned Soul Picnic
• a-ha: Take On Me
• Adam Ant: Goody Two Shoes, Desperate but Not Serious, Strip
• Al B. Sure!: Nite and Day
• Aretha Franklin: Respect
• Astaire: L-L-Love
• B-52s: Love Shack
• The Bangles: Walk Like an Egyptian
• Big Brother & The Holding Company: Piece of My Heart
• Blur: Song 2
• Bonnie Raitt: Longing In Their Hearts
• Brothers Johnson: Strawberry Letter 23
• EMF: Unbelieveable
• Eric Clapton: Bell Bottom Blues
• Foo Fighters: Times Like These
• Friends of Distinction: Grazing In the Grass
• Gwen Stefani: Hollaback Girl
• INXS: Devil Inside
• Joe Cocker: Feeling Alright
• John Butler Trio: What You Want
• k.d. lang: Save Me

• Kathleen Edwards: Back to Me
• Linda Ronstadt: Someone to Lay Down Beside Me
• The Lovin’ Spoonful: Summer In the City
• Martha Reeves & The Vandellas: Dancing in the Street
• Melissa Etheridge: I Run For Life
• Natasha Bedingfield: These Words, Single, Unwritten, Drop Me In the Middle
• Nelly: Hot in Here
• OutKast: Hey Ya!
• R. Kelly: Ignition ((Remix))
• Sheryl Crow: All I Wanna Do, Everyday Is A Winding Road, Steve McQueen, There Goes The Neighborhood
• Smash Mouth: All Star
• Sugar Ray: Fly
• Trace Adkins: Hot Mama

• ZZ Top: Legs

They’re bringing it over for a test drive in about 30 minutes. I’m excited. I got a darned good deal (rebates being offered if you sign before 7/31) - it’s black and shiny - although living on a dirt road, I know I’m going to regret this.

For all of you that recommended minivans - aaaaaahhahahahahahahahahaah. No, actually, I thought about it. For about 3 seconds. Honestly though, every time I’ve sat in one, I’ve thought - “Y’know, I could do this - this is pretty nice.” - But then…….somehow, I just can’t do it. A station wagon was hard enough. But you know I love you all.

The hard part is going to be cleaning up the Magnum enough to turn it in. Three years full of baseball and moving (from a small city to the country) and gardening and hauling and a crazy dog…..it’s groady. (Have I just given you all further proof that I’m pushing 45? Groady!)

Now, I’m going to go watch out for the guy bringing it over. And drive around for a few minutes. And then probably end up calling the insurance agent.

—- And my plea for the day - and for a very good cause - look for Secret Agent Josephine’s artwork in the sidebar and if you’re in Redondo Beach, CA - Go! See! Her! Art! and Rescue! Dogs! —-

It’s just one of those days. Trying to go in too many different directions. So, I’ll just share a few things:

• I have had readers from 20 countries. Okay, this, to me, is amazing. Denmark leads the non-U.S. list with 5% of my hits. But also, Canada, the U.K., Germany, Italy, Australia, France, Norway, Japan, Mexico, Singapore, Peru, Russia, New Zealand, Indonesia, Liechtenstein, Argentina, and Turkey. Wow you guys! How about de-lurking into the comments? Tell me where you’re from.
• Based on the keyword searches that brought people to my site, lot of people are interested in Lab/Daschund mix dogs (and I had never heard of these…but 3 different variations of “lab/daschund” sent people to my site). Other keywords? Bandonkadonk Butts, “I love Ohioan guys Tank Top“, Porta Johnny, Penis Enlargement and webbed hand pantyhose. I’m guessing on that last one. As far as I know, it’s the only time I used the word pantyhose in a post.
• My admin brought me a huge bouquet (no, not because I’m the most wonderfullest boss in the world). Her daughter was in a musical this past weekend, and then left for a week of Leadership Camp (yes, she has one of those ‘perfect’ children). B was left with nine(!) bunches of cut flowers. The one she brought me is white/purple and pink lilies with a whole bunch of greenery. It makes me smile whenever I look at it.
• Shortman is going to get his eyes examined for contacts today. He’s only been wearing glasses for a year, but based on my eyesight (poor) and Mr. Hot’s eyesight (poorer), he probably could have used them before that. School screening never picked up a problem - I just decided last year that he needed to get those peepers checked. Contacts are, hopefully, our way of getting him out of the house while wearing corrective lenses. He’ll wear them while driving, but then whips off the glasses as soon as he takes the keys out of the ignition. Vanity, thy name is “15-year-old boy”
• I am one class away from having my Leadership Development certification from University of Michigan. I registered for “Managing in a Global Organization” - and I’ll be in the September class. I am one of those people I hate - A University of Michigan student. (Be nice people, I bleed Green and White. Went to 3 universities - Michigan State, Eastern Michigan and Marshall. All green/white schools. It’s killing me)
• I love watching the hawks and the cranes that fly over this building. We’re in the middle of a natural wetlands, and we have all kinds of birds that live around here. The only problem is watching out for the goose poop on your way to the car.
• Speaking of cars. I keep getting this question in my quest for my new vehicle: “And what color are you looking for?” - My response? “Um, you mean, black, gray, grayer, grayest, white or gray?” Seriously. What happened to car colors?
• Chef Jake asked me to check out his site. It’s a really great site - and the link is in my sidebar. Go take a look. I love the ability to make find recipes, make meal plans, and print out shopping lists - if you use my sponsor id, you get $5 off a six-month subscription. (Okay, shameless, I know, but it is a wonderful site - and I’m going to use it regularly. I’m hopeless at being creative with meals.)

—- When I get like this, (all random and stuff), it usually means I need to take a drastic step in my life. Like maybe a new hairstyle. But I’m 80% gray - and I’m pushing 45 - and I just don’t have any ideas. My hair is wavy and notoriously dry, and I hate it. It’s never a good idea to go into the stylist in this kinds of mood. Keep your fingers crossed that I do nothing stupid tonight! —-