My Life as a Hotfessional

WTF? I have laryngitis. I ache all over from whatever crud Mr. Hot decided to infect me with and (just for good measure!) I started my period today. The world, my friends, is a cruel, cruel place. There is just something so totally freakin’ wrong with this. So, I am taking my first sick day since 1999 (January 4, 1999 to be specific - and even then, I wasn’t sick - it was a snow day and my turn to stay home with Shortman!).

I’m sitting here in the “office/computer room/Shortman’s alternate pig sty”…

Proof of sty-ness - a la Bossy

… I’m not good at being “in bed sick”. Mr. Hot keeps telling me to stay there. But, he went out to Home Depot to get wood to put a “floor” in the “barn” (which really means, to lay some plywood over the dirt in the storage shed that is painted red and shaped like something to keep animals in) so I am being a bad little patient and blogging.

But hey! I had to announce the winners of the Save the Boobies contest. [pretend trumpet sounds here]

The winners were drawn by Shortman and the results of this drawing were reviewed by Mr. Hot in accordance with all laws of randomness and blind hand-into-the-hat selection. If I could afford to have Price/Waterhouse/Coopers or whoever it is that oversees the Academy Awards come in and make sure it was all on the up and up, I could have awarded bigger prizes.

Necklace - Marianne at My Left Nerve

Baseball Cap - Phil at Outta My Mind in Mechanicsburg

Purse Key Holder - Shelly at Not The Daddy

Congratulations Winners! And thanks to everyone who participated. The final tally is $85 to the Susan G. Komen foundation from the Hotfessional family. I’m going to go ahead and up it to $100 (I like even numbers) - on behalf of WhyMommy and LawMom.

—- Now, shhhhh! I hear the truck pulling up the driveway. I’m going back to lay down. Don’t tell him I was here. —-

Circa Joan and David - Cecilia

and maybe these:
Because they are beautiful. And those boots? 4-inch heel. Oh man. We’re pushing the 6′2″ level there. Happy sigh. There are several new people of the male persuasion that I have to deal with now and some of them still think that the smiling Hotfessional can be steered away from her beliefs. Gently, to be sure, but steered away nonetheless. Six-foot-two adds a new factor to the equation when dealing with some people. [Snort!]

Visit NaBloPoMo

Oh I love that line. “That’s all you have to do.” Ha!

Yes, I will be participating in National Blog Posting Month for 2007 - a promise to post every day for the 30 days of November. Which hasn’t really been a problem for me since I usually have a steady stream of rants that spill out of my fingers on a daily basis. However, as soon as I clicked “Sign Up”, I immediately, simultaneously, went into a complete writer’s block. (Um, I’m not a writer. So, I guess it really means I am suffering from “not-a-writer’s” block.) Gawd, even my jokes are getting lamer and lamer the closer to November 1st I get.

If you decide to put yourself through this torture join in on the fun, remember to add me to your friends list. I’m registered as “Hotfessional”. We can commiserate about not-a-writer’s block together.

—- And I’ll take any suggestions on post topics that you want to send my way. Because otherwise, I can’t be held responsible for the number of “deaths by boredom” I cause. —-

Damn Spartans. Y’all sure as shit know how to break a girl’s heart.

I’m pissed at Shortman today. Friday is the last day of the marking period and he hasn’t completed his community service for his Government class. He’s worked really hard so far this year, and he’s going to let something he knew about in September fuck up his grade for a half-semester of this class.

Tomorrow he has a consult with the Oral Surgeon. So that’s out. Essentially, he has 4 days to figure out and complete 2 hours of community service. I don’t know whether to let his ass fail or to help him out. Sigh.

—- If anyone has any ideas for a quick (seriously quick) community service project, let me know. —-

If you want me, I’ll be on the couch under the blankets. It’s raining. My throat is closing up. I’m going to make Mr. Hot bring me hot tea and honey all day. Naps are good. Who am I kidding? Naps are freakin’ excellent!

Before I go down for the count, though, here’s the weekly Save-The-Boobies Update. We’re up to $80 from the Hotfessional family to the Susan G. Komen foundation. Remember, you can still get in on the prizes by linking and/or donating before October 29. I’m drawing the lucky winners (3) on the 30th:

Cupcake
WhyMommy
Kim
Sherry
Shelly
Phil
Jennifer
Mouse
Lys
Zoot
Ben
Sherry
Karen
Marianne
Kristabella
Dani

Join the club! You could be a winner!
Email me (reereep[at]gmail[dot]com) if you linked to me and I missed you! Seriously, I found Dani’s link through sheer dumb luck. (Hi Cole’s mommy!) If you care enough to link, I want you to have a chance to win.

Don’t be like this guy:

You’re saying, “Ewwwwwww, Hotfessional, TMI, seriously, dude”. Well, blame Mr. Hot - I tried to get out of town without the germs attacking, but apparently, as usual, I was late.

Now, though, I’m thinking I’ll have to search for a new book to read between naps this weekend since apparently that’s all he did while I was in Chicago. Shoot me for not getting my wireless router set up last week so I could read blogs in bed.

Speaking of Mr. Hot. He provides me with blog fodder on a semi-regular basis. I’ve mentioned him here, and here, and here. He’s a wonderful husband and a terrific father. He’s the only reason I’ve been able to do things like this. Buuuuuttttt. (C’mon, you knew there’d be a but, didn’t you? Since when is there not a but when you’re talking about your spouse? )

Anyway, BUT….

He.Quizzes.Me! Like.A.Freakin’.Fifth.Grade.Teacher.

You’re shaking your head. I see you! You’re saying, “But Hotfessional, the man puts up with your shit. He understands when you go to the city and have dinner and copious amounts of wine with men. He doesn’t complain about bright yellow bras and purses.” (Well, not the bras anyway.)

Yes. True. Every word of what you say. The man is amazing.

Except. He. quizzes. me.

About sports figures.

Now, I love sports. I think it’s well documented. Football, Basketball, Baseball. Yes, yes, and yes. Hockey? Meh - just the original six. Actually, just Toronto. And they suck.

However! Do I care where so-and-so went to college? Or high school? Or where their aunt’s second-cousin’s brother’s best-friend’s dog was born? Not too much.

Mr. Hot: “Where did Plaxico Burress go to school?”
The Hotfessional: “Um. Michigan State?”
Mr. Hot: “Yes!”

Mr. Hot: “Which Piston went to Jackson State?”
The Hotfessional: “I didn’t know there was a Jackson State.”
Mr. Hot: “……..” (looking at me, expectantly)
The Hotfessional: “Hell, I don’t know. Jason Maxiell?”
Mr. Hot: “No, think older.”
The Hotfessional: “Um, Nazr Mohammed?”
Mr. Hot: “No, he was with the Pistons before; they traded him; then he came back.”
The Hotfessional: “Holy hell. Lindsey Hunter.”
Mr. Hot: “Yes!”

(Do I start to feel like a 5th grader at this point? Yes!)

Mr. Hot: “Didn’t Jevon Kearse go to Michigan State?”
The Hotfessional: “I don’t think so.”
Mr. Hot: “I think he did.” (Leaves room to go Google it)
——- 3 minutes later ——-
The Hotfessional: “Did he?”
Mr. Hot: “No, he went to Florida.”
——- 3 weeks later ——-
Mr. Hot: “Where did Jevon Kearse go to school?”
The Hotfessional: “U of M?” (Why, why do I let myself get suckered into playing this? Oh yea, I love the man.)
Mr. Hot: “No! Florida. Remember? I thought he went to State.”

Sigh.

So, when he said “The Lions could have picked up Jammer in the draft and passed on him” while we were watching some game a couple of weeks ago and I came back with “Quentin Jammer?” - the look of complete and utter pride on his face? The look that said “Damn. I raised this woman right”! Made all of the failed quiz grades I’ve received absolutely worth it?

Yep.

Oh yes.

—- So tomorrow begins another 48 hours of “Does The Hotfessional Know?” I better go study.—-