» The Boys I’ve Kissed

Oct 03 2007

The Boys I’ve Kissed

Published by Ree at 1:45 pm under Real Life

I had 112.2 miles of driving yesterday (yes! I just filled out my expense report, so I know) to think of something to post on The Great MoFo Delurk Day, and that topic up there? Was the best I could come up with. So sad. And I had such great plans. Even chopping (well, getting chopped) 4 inches off of my hair this morning (which had every possibility of post material heaven) was anti-climactic.

(Although this new salon I found - and stylist? Oh Mah Gawd. The girl knows how to cut hair and flatter, but her voice? Think “The Nanny”. And her laugh? Think “Mr. Ed”)

And so, here they are. I don’t know if my inner slut feels bad or good about the number(s), and really, I was a cop’s daughter, so believe it or not, even if I missed a couple? This is about it.

Kindergarten - Roy M.
Freckle-faced and red-headed, Roy was the brain of the Kindergarten class. Even then, he was about a foot shorter than me. Since I was the “girl brain”, it was assumed that we should be boyfriend and girlfriend. He kissed me during recess….over by the monkey bars….standing on his tiptoes…..

Seventh Grade - Kirk? Kurt? I have no freakin’ clue
Okay, so I had a bit of a dry spell. (yea, yea, I may as well have been a nun!) I met this guy at a cub scout meeting. (My brother was the cub scout, not me.) Turns out my dad and his dad had gone to high school together. (History! Connection!) He walked over to my house one day after school (he went to a different Jr. High) because I told all my girlfriends that I had a boyfriend. I needed proof.

Um, he kissed me, but y’all? He wasn’t as cute as he was the night of the cub scout meeting. In fact? He was downright dorky…greasy, stringy hair and all. (Yes, it was 7th grade and I was ALL ABOUT looks.) So, I broke up with him after the first kiss and sent him walking back home. (Sorry about that Kirk?Kurt?)

Eighth Grade - Steve L.
Oh, the cuteness of this boy. He was yummalicious. No other way to describe him. He lived in the subdivision down the street. He was a year younger than me. (And, yes, dammit, shorter). I think we lasted a month. I sang a lot of Air Supply (I’m lying alone with my head on the phone…Thinking of you till it hurts) to ease my poor broken heart.

Ninth Grade - Another Steve. Or was it Mike?
He was a sophomore. He kept asking me out, but … y’all? My Dad said no dating until I was 15. And my dad? Was a police sergeant. So Steve (or Mike) - who rode the bus with me - kissed me on the bus. But that was it. Flirtation, thy name is Hotfessional.

I think tenth grade was a nun-erific year, too. Hell, I can’t remember. I remember getting in a whole shitload of trouble for skipping classes in 9th grade, so I was probably on my absolute best behavior.

Eleventh Grade - Mike K., Jeff M.
Mike was love. love. love. No ifs/ands/buts about this one. The one I gave myself to. I was 16 and we could date - football games, movies, ‘helping me babysit’. He tried to teach me how to drive a standard transmission car. I failed miserably. He took me to Junior Prom in February and we broke up in March. He was a theatre geek and he dumped me for a singer in the Spring Musical. Gah. I cried for weeks.

After Mike, there was Jeff. He was 23, I was 17. Needless to say, MomandDad? Not. effin’. pleased. Well, he lasted the summer, with lots of sneakin’ around.

Senior Year - Brian, George K, Dan I, Ken M, Andy W (It was senior year people! Geez.)

Brian was a friend’s brother.

George was a long-distance runner and his locker was right next to mine. He took me to Red Lobster for dinner and we made out in the car afterwards. He was a great kisser. Unfortunately, there was no repeat performance.

Dan was another runner - and he showed up at my house for our date in a Rocky Horror-inspired clear plastic raincoat and black lipstick. Um, need I say more?

Ken - Unmemorable. Other than he rode horses with me.

Andy - Senior Prom date. He’s a doctor now. Sigh.

Then I went to become a “Spartan Woman!!!!!!” - and met Practice Husband. My second day on campus. Ack. Sometimes I’m such an idiot. 20,000 men and I fall for the guy playing frisbee on the front lawn. Side Note -> Everclear Vodka and Grape Koolaid? Not good.

So, I went through the next 9 years and kissed ONE man. (Wait. There was that guy at my bachelorette party - does that count? I think his name was John Studly.)

Then Practice and I split, and I’ve been kissin’ with Mr. Hot ever since.

—- So, that’s that. And here’s the hair - less 4 inches. And y’all? Come 10/15, I’m getting rid of the gray. I’m officially having a mid-life crisis. Now go forth and comment! —-

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25 Responses to “The Boys I’ve Kissed”

# Pennon 03 Oct 2007 at 4:40 pm

I usually read your posts through Bloglines, thus no commenting. I care enough to actually come here, though, just for you today.
You have way more experience with males than I do with females, I think I may make it up to 3. And I’m married.
# Sherry Smython 03 Oct 2007 at 5:37 pm

Thanks for the laugh…but laughing while the stylist is cutting could be dangerous to your overall style!! I don’t think I’d have been able to sit still. Like the cut though and go for it with the grey…you’ll be so glad you did. I haven’t done the whole grey thing yet…not ready I suppose.
Loved the check list of boys you’ve loved. Makes me want to compile my own!
# Kristabellaon 03 Oct 2007 at 6:50 pm

Wow….I am a fan of making out with random guys in bars. So mine would make for a LONG post. With names forgotten (or never even known) and I’m sure some (many) I’ve forgotten.

And you want to talk about nun? I didn’t have my first real kiss until my first week in college. The downside to being a tomboy.

Cute hair! Can’t wait to see it in person in a few weeks!
# dcrmomon 03 Oct 2007 at 7:18 pm

Do we get to see the haircut???
# Lizon 03 Oct 2007 at 8:19 pm

Delurking on this MoFo Day to say, love the cut and I can’t wait to see the color you pick!
# cupcakeon 03 Oct 2007 at 9:04 pm

I LOVE the new ‘doo. Very flippy and cute.

I am a die-hard dyer, although the time between “touch-ups” is getting ever so shorter, and “touch-ups” are becoming more akin to the raising of the Titanic.

I am quite sure that you have assauged any hurt feelings on the part of Kirk/Kurt. No doubt he has spent the ensuing years of his being dumped in a state of moral decay. But now, hope dawns anew, and armed with your heartfelt apology, he can resurrect his sad, lost soul.
# Lelaon 03 Oct 2007 at 9:07 pm

Hmm, I save my airport psycho story for DeLurk day, lol. And you’re office definately reeks of “IT”, lol. I will not, repeat NOT, however list off the boys I have kissed! I would say there is not enough blog space, but that might sound slightly slutty…
# Mommy off the Recordon 03 Oct 2007 at 9:08 pm

I like your hair! Very cute.

Thanks for visiting my blog today.

btw, saw your Moms Speak Out button…do you blog over there? I write for that blog occassionally. Anyway, nice to meet you
# Marieon 03 Oct 2007 at 9:18 pm

Awww I wish you’d keep the grey. When mine turns I plan to keep it, I actually look forward to it! I hope to look dignified and somewhat frightening to younger men, especially car salesmen (oh wait, my husband is a car salesman).
# The Mouseon 03 Oct 2007 at 9:34 pm

Oooh! Oooh! I LOVE the new ‘do! Fab-you-luss (despite The Nanny meets Mr. Ed, but, hey, we love her scissor sorcery!)
# Lyvvieon 03 Oct 2007 at 9:47 pm

I can’t wait until my hair goes properly silver, at the moment it’s all in patches, I’m like a cat. Or a Jack Russel. I can’t wait for the dau I no longer need L’Oreal.

I added you to my new blogroll - How could I forget?! Forgive me.

I’ve blocked out the past Ex’s as they are ex for a damned good reason, the whole damned lot of them.
# Lyson 03 Oct 2007 at 10:05 pm

OK Hotfessional… I am in the same boat as Kristabella - there will be no list makin’ for me of men I’ve smooched as I must disclose that for a period of time my nickname “Kissin’ Bandit”.

And the boyfriend age bit - lets see, my first serious boyfriend was 25, I was 16. We dated off and on for 3 years. My father was far from pleased. EEKS.

Fabu haircut btw!!!!
# alyndabearon 03 Oct 2007 at 10:07 pm

Four inches, wow! You are brave. I freaked out when the stylist cut more than that amount off last December, my hair has not been the same since. Evil, evil woman.

You have kissed many more boys than I … My whopping total is 4.
# dawn224on 03 Oct 2007 at 10:25 pm

I lurk you sometimes. Happy delurk day!
# The Hotfessionalon 03 Oct 2007 at 11:28 pm

Penn - You’re so sweet to actually stop by. And comment!

Sherry - It was actually quite fun. Now, Mr. Hot? He’s really worried about me getting rid of the gray for some reason. I’ve promised him I won’t go blonde. Maybe it’s because he is 8 years older than me and looks 8 years younger. Reversal in our future?

Krista - You’ll get the NEW, improved-non-gray version too! Lucky, lucky, you.

DCRMom - Um, that is the haircut. Imagine it 4 inches longer, terribly frizzy and damaged. Now you know. I had to do it.

Liz - Hi! I’m so glad you delurked. Now I can’t wait to add you to my blog list.
# The Hotfessionalon 03 Oct 2007 at 11:33 pm

Cupcake, I used to dye my hair. Myself. This will be the first time I’ve had it professionally done. I’m excited, and a bit frightened.

Lela - What? The whiteboard? At least you can’t see the system diagrams all over it.

Mommy Off The Record - Welcome, and thanks. I would love to write over at Moms Speak Out, but haven’t garnered the courage yet. Maybe someday.

Marie - Yea, believe me, this is not a decision made lightly. I’ve been gray for at least 9 years. But this morning, I looked in the mirror and saw my mother! My 66-year-old mother. Ack!
# The Hotfessionalon 03 Oct 2007 at 11:36 pm

Lyvvie, That’s the problem. It’s patchy. I want something that looks unlike my mother.

Mouse - Hee. Thanks!

Lys - I wasn’t that heartbroken that Jeff and I didn’t work out. Or that MomandDad were, um, less than pleased. He was kinda strange. And he puked. A lot. I never knew what to make of it.
:-b Oh sorry, TMI?

Alyndabear - I’m sure they were all wonderful. And, remember, I’m probably 20 years older than you!
# The Hotfessionalon 03 Oct 2007 at 11:37 pm

Dawn244 - Thanks! Welcome! and remember, we don’t bite. (Well, not hard!)
# Major Bedheadon 04 Oct 2007 at 4:35 am

Hi there. Do I count as a lurker? I’m never sure of these things….

I’ve been dying my hair myself and it shows, but alas, I don’t have the readies to go to the salon. One of these days, though.

I think delurk day should happen quarterly. I was bombarded today - it was great!
# motomamaon 04 Oct 2007 at 12:41 pm

Is that the back of your head or the front? If it is the front, that wasn’t a very good haircut.
p.s. I like the gray. Its the new black y’know.
# Sherry Smython 04 Oct 2007 at 12:53 pm

hhhmmmm..I say give Mr. Hot a run for his money!!! LOL!
# MadMadon 04 Oct 2007 at 2:29 pm

Great post! I’m impressed you can remember that far back! No, wait - that sounds worse than I meant it. I meant I wouldn’t be able to remember that far back…
# Marianneon 04 Oct 2007 at 4:09 pm

You’re a brave woman, Mrs. Hot. And obviously, not as skanky as I am. If I posted my list, I think The Targo would cry. Or maybe I would cry.

Spunky, spunky hair! Likey!
# Jenniferon 04 Oct 2007 at 4:58 pm

So, what color are you thinking about for your hair?
# benon 05 Oct 2007 at 1:21 pm

Okay, I’m new here - is there something significant about Oct. 15?

(here in Texas, we have onions called 1015Y’s. They’re sweet. The reason they’re called 1015’s is when you plant them. More than you ever wanted to know about Texas onions.

Yes, I are an Aggie.

Finally, there’s nothing wrong with gray.