Feb 15 2008
Weakness? A Story of Goose and the Cookies
A friend of mine is a huge Girl Scout cookie fan. (Let’s call him Goose, eh?) Only the Thin Mints, but he buys upwards of 40 boxes every year. He swears that they last him the entire year - but somehow, by the time Christmas rolls around, he’s trolling the halls looking for anyone with a daughter. (In Girl Scouts - honestly. For the cookies.)
This year, I got a call from a mutual friend.
“The cookies are in, and I have a plan. I’m going to call 10 people. You have to call Goose and tell him that you’re holding one box ransom. I’m not releasing any of the boxes until he pays each ransom.”
The ransoms were varied. A dark chocolate candy bar from the shop down the street. A cup of coffee and a chocolate chip cookie from the cafeteria. (Can you tell we all have sweet tooths?) A call to a wife to sing Happy Birthday (when her birthday isn’t until October!). A solo “I’m a Little Teapot” at the next staff meeting.
And a tray of brownies.
It was the tray of brownies that broke the Goose’s back.
“1 tray of home made brownies in exchange for 1 box - - 1 TRAY? Are you crazy? I won’t walk to the damn train station for a candy bar and you want me to bake a whole tray? This demand is also rejected. “
The “kidnappers” response was:
” your response has angered the cookie gods. You are in no position to reject demands or dare try to negotiate your way out of this. Given your insolent behaviour, the demand price has now gone up. You are required to provide 2 tray’s of brownies. This demand must be met within 48 hours or a call will be made to Mrs. Goose to discuss the 10 boxes of cookies which were “purchased” by yourself. I would imagine the pain of bringing in 2 tray’s of brownies is much, much less compared to the pain you will experience at the hands of your wife when she is informed of your betrayal. Need I remind you that “TEN” is not what you told your wife. “
Hee!
I love a good email war between friends.
Goose’s response:
“Your demand is once again rejected. The Mrs. has been told of the additional 10 boxes and has forgiven me for my weakness. There will be no further communication with this kidnapper, and the pay back will now be even more severe than originally planned. “
At this point, I could no longer contain myself. I KNOW Goose and his cookie addiction.
From me:
“Weakness? WEAKNESS?
Was Katrina a spring shower? Was the San Francisco Earthquake in 1906 a little tremor?
Is Britney a model mother?
Do Roger Clemens and George Washington share their ability to not tell a lie?
My dear Goose. We understand that addictions are horrible, horrible things. This is your family calling for an intervention. We WILL make reservations for you at the Cirque Lounge in Utah. Or with Amy Winehouse in London.
Deliver the brownies already. There are people who can contact Mrs. Goose. “
—- I can’t wait until I get my coffee and chocolate chip cookie. And I can’t wait to see him sing “I’m a Little Teapot” at next week’s staff meeting. But what I really can’t wait for is to see him carting in those two trays of brownies. —-
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
Ooh, you are tough.
barbra’s last blog post..the sky today
What cruel & unusual punishment! Obviously, by reading my blog you are well aware that I celebrate this very kind of treatment!
Jules
House of Jules
HouseofJules’s last blog post..Now with twice the music, twice the entendre
You’re evil. I like that in a woman.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Life is But a Dream
I love that!
daysgoby’s last blog post..the guilt monther ith here
That’s just evil. I like. I think I definitely have a crush on you now.
Can you sneak a digicam in the meeting and record the “I’m a little teapot” scene? Then post it to teh interweb?
(and I also enjoy the Girl Guides mint cookies. And the vanilla ones. Not so much the brown ones. I have a friend who used to buy them by the case - the vanilla/brown ones - and then they changed the recipe)
:slinks away in her own evil:
Hey Goose! I had to order a whole bunch of Thin Mints because all my friends have girls. I’ve got a whole bunch of Thin Mints, that not only do I not want, but will end up throwing out. You can have them! And you don’t have to send me brownies. lol. ;D Poor Goose.
I do admire your cold, shriveled, black heart though Ree. It’s why you and I get along so well! ;D
imhelendt’s last blog post..It’s LOOOOOSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!
And milk. Soy milk of course, but you can’t have brownies without milk.
Vanessa’s last blog post..Hair
Deliciously devilish!
And because I do Mamarazzi and therefore, read far, FAR too many gossip blogs - for research purposes only, may i stress (yeah, right!), I know the correct name is The Cirque LODGE. But I like LOUNGE much, much, much better. So much better, I just may steal it. OK, I absolutely WILL steal it!
SarahO’s last blog post..ITS’ THAT DAY AGAIN!
That is a REALLY FUNNY idea! Love that you still have fun in the office - can’t make it through the day without some. Unfortunately, some of my co-workers know of my Mary-Katherine Gallagher ability and well…. let’s just say I provide the entertainment myself sometimes.
wbppsh7’s last blog post..Valentine’s Day
Ahhhhh. The power of the Thin Mint. My father pimped me out to all things Brownies & Girl Scouts growing up and now I’m convinced it wasn’t for my “well being” but for his cookie addiction. After his whine for me to buy 7 boxes for him to imbibe when he’s here for FOUR days - I’m starting to think he needs rehab. And I’m starting to think that there is something that might be added to the said Thin Mint that makes it so damn addicting.
You, Hotfessional, are truly evil to dear ol’ Goose. However, the I’m A Little Teapot is CLASSIC!
Lys’s last blog post..It’s Fluff(er-Nutter) Time (Or, In The Alternative: When The Lakers Invaded Orlando)
Ahh.. ‘Tis that time of year again.
On my way home from work I saw girl scouts standing outside of a Bank Of America branch in my neighborhood selling boxes and boxes of cookies…. That’s how we do it here in MA!
(Thank god my sister is a lifelong member, I just order them from her)
What! Even the best of us like Thin Mints.
Julie’s last blog post..For The Love Of God
It’s not fun to make fun of people’s addictions.
Oh wait. Yes it is.
I’ll take 5 boxes please.
Jenny’s last blog post..Stella Star
Have never had the pleasure of a Thin Mint, all that races through my mind is Rule 34 of the internet.
Look ‘em up. I am sure there is some horrific p0rn involving his true love the Thin Mint. Then send it to him and threaten to act out every single one of them, repackage and give them to him.
Smootches to my favourite evil babe.
Kelley’s last blog post..I have lead a sheltered life.
Oh the evilness!
Veronica’s last blog post..I Can’t Cope Without A Nap!
I wanna work in your office, for real. Hahaha
Deutlich’s last blog post..Just Call Me Miss Productive
I knew a guy with the same nick name. But I don’t think he had the same addiction to Girl Scout cookies as your Goose.
That’s good stuff. And sadly, 40 boxes - I’d eat them in a weekend.
Dawn’s last blog post..Showin’ Off
Our neighborhood Girl Scout knows she is the only one allowed to ring our doorbell to sell us anything, lol. She’s like the local dealer to all us junkies.
flutterby’s last blog post..Saturday Silliness
You are so wonderfully and delightfully evil.
Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..February photo 16
Oooh. Nefarious and unconventionally clever. A wicked combination!
Melissa’s last blog post..Green Girl Dishes on Seed Catalogs
You are a cruel, heartless person and I shall never, ever, order Girl Scout Cookies from you.
Seriously, I’d go apeshit. I order close to 50 boxes a year. My grandmother used to order HUNDREDS. With an S.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..Every day is a chance to learn and grow