Mar 21 2008
The Hotfessional vs. The Inflated Ego
Dear Fucking-Head-Of-Building-Security,
Explain to me why you:
- Watched me bring my son in through the back door (i.e. nearest my office) of the building,
- Recorded our actions (carrying 3 boxes, 1 bag and 3 wall frames) as we walked back and forth through the security gate (using my badge to record all comings and goings),
- Had one of your minions watch as we loaded the goods into the back of an old beat-up pickup truck,
- Sauntered through the cubicle farm outside of my office with your little lackey swinging your keys around while I was buying my son lunch,
- Sauntered BACK through the same cubicle farm while I was sitting in my office eating lunch,
- and never said a word.
But!!!
Felt the need to - an hour later - come bursting into my office, stuttering, “Are you the Hotfessional?” When I replied, “Yes”, with my winning smile, you felt the need to interrogate me on “What, exactly, are you removing from XYZ Company’s premises? What was in the boxes that we have you, on tape, taking out of here?”
Oh, you shithead. Do you know what being accused of theft does to me? Especially when I know that you sat there and watched everything and taped it? When all you had to fucking do was get off your be-hind and ask to take a peek in that bag or that box. (Because, y’know, my Ben Wallace bobblehead? May contain company secrets. So, gawd only knows, I would refuse.)
What do you mean you couldn’t figure out what was happening? Couldn’t figure it out? Because we were being so furtive and sneaky? Oh, yea.
The books that my son was complaining were so danged heavy? The ones that were in boxes WITHOUT LIDS that took him a good 5 minutes to walk to the door? Then, don’t forget, he had to put them on the floor, go through the security exit, pick them up, and carry them out to the truck? You couldn’t figure out what was going on?
Oh, and that form that I filled out? That form was signed by XYZ Company’s Operations Manager, the highest-ranking-official-on-site (well, except for me, but I don’t work for XYZ) and given to the Security Office. It was the one your staff told me was the proper form for removal of equipment. So, maybe, AssMunch, you should ask your staff to make sure that they a) have people fill out the correct form and b) tell you that that person that you’re watching on tape who is obviously trying to hide the fact that she’s taking that picture of her kid and some books out has, indeed, filled out the form. And had it signed. And turned it in.
So, now, Mr. Head-of-Building-Security, I feel compelled to notify your Facilities Manager, (y’know, the one that signs your contract?) that even though my staff and I have filled out the forms and completed this divestiture project ON TIME and UNDER BUDGET, we are being, um, harassed while we’re moving.
I know that you would much prefer me to have to carry those boxes around to the front of the building and out to a parking space a football field away (where that ice? heaven knows, may cause a trip and fall incident, but you would be following procedures) so that you can look at the extra toothbrush, toothpaste and tampons I’ve decided to take home now instead of next week.
Thank you for reminding me that I’ve just shredded 15 years of my career and have whittled my rise to the executive level of a global financial institution down into three boxes and an Olive Garden bag.
I wish you all continued success in your own endeavors. Because, gawd only knows, we need more pricks with a tin badge making sure that NO ONE takes a white board marker that doesn’t belong to them!
Bite my ass. Sincerely.
The Hotfessional
—- Y’all? This is a true account of my life today between 11:30 and 1:30 p.m. I’ll be drinking tonight. —-
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
Hey. Psst. I tagged you today.
Oh Hot. That sucks. Have a drink on me.
Sister Honey Bunch’s last blog post..The Cross
Douche. Bag.
Kristabella’s last blog post..DINAO Round 7 - The Cartoon Edition
I think I have worked with this man. No seriously.
And is he, by chance, inspired by Dwight Schrute on The Office?
RC’s last blog post..Thinking spring
How is it that people like this continue to be employed? It never ceases to amaze me!
Erin’s last blog post..Currently Loving
But for the grace of god, there go the rest of us…….
Solomon Broad’s last blog post..Things I’m Grateful For on Friday 21 March
What.A.Prick!
Sorry you had to go through this today - - have a drink. Hell, have two!
Liz J in Illinois’s last blog post..So Far, So Good . . .
[...] Mrs. Hot wrote a letter. Here is mine: [...]
*snort* got my bleeding pus filled haemorroids vibes going on for that Asshat babe.
The funny thing is I work in a very high security building. Every door has a pass key, not everyone is allowed in certain areas, cameras everywhere, 3 security guards. Bells and alarms all over the place. Yet a few months ago I took a computer box full of crap straight out the front door. No questions asked.
But then again I have an innocent face. *gaffaw*
Kelley’s last blog post..Winnah!!!!
Jackasses drunk with $9/hr security guard kinda power(lessness).
Vanessa’s last blog post..Willing to consider all offers…
Ass. Hole.
I hope you’re drinking something good. Cheers!
Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..It’s better up North
Veronica said that I should come over and have a ‘hello’.. so I did and I am.. HELLO!!!!
It must of taken the security guards enormous brain, aaages to figure out that you actually were taking stuff out of the office in those square cardboard things…
cheers Kim
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Luckily I am Optimistic…
I have never been so attracted to you in my whole life.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..15 year Reunion
What an ASS!
Jesus, why are people so lame? Sorry you had to deal with that today. Have a drink on me tonight.
moo’s last blog post..i can haz easter bunny?
What an ass. He probably has a small male part and needed to pick on someone to inflate it.
It took him that long to realize that he was also on tape ignoring you.
Jennifer H’s last blog post..Rain check
I’m sorry that you couldn’t be left in peace to do something that’s hard enough without added stressors. He’ll get his…karma, baby.
Shania’s last blog post..You got served! Or GTFO…
I would ask him how many times he failed the law enforcement psych eval - because he’s probably one of those that had sex with animals. I hope you rip the facilities manager a new one - and tell him that the rent-an-azz needs to possibly stop sniffing the hairspray fumes that he uses in place of a real weapon.
Ugh - I hate rent-an-azz’s with egos. I am sending lots of bad karma vibes his way and I hope he slips on the ice and busts his azz in the parking lot.
Lys’s last blog post..A Moment of Silence…
Asshole. That’s all I got. Asshole.
flutterby’s last blog post..Wordless Daffy Wednesday
Raising a glass of wine to you ;).
I had to laugh. My dh is in security…
My daughter used to call him “Flashlight Cop” :). I am surprised you did not flip him a goodbye for his camera??
GoddessintheGroove’s last blog post..Eeeeek! Another Meme!
Fuck nut, pure and simple. Sorry doll!
amanda’s last blog post..Honey, if you are reading this - STOP!
You didn’t deserve that. I hope you told your son that this what happens when you don’t get good grades and pick a decent profession…. you turn into an ARSE, hassling dedicated employees and their CHILDREN.
If you weren’t such a lady, I’d suggest mooning him and your company and your parting shot.
Hee.
Happy Easter to you and your family.
Jenny’s last blog post..Happy Easter
O.M.G.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How I despise the high-school-drop-out 50-year-old-loser-huge-spare-tire-spilling-over-the-belt effers who mess with all of the professionals. Badging in and out every time you have to go to the toilet. Seeing the same moron rent-a-cops all day long, and then when you forget your badge, having to sign what seems like and endless trail of papers to get in the GD building and go to work!!!! Spare me!!!!!!!!!!
As if I needed reminding, thank you for reminding me why I gave corporate America the finger several years ago.
Aaargh!!!!
Katie’s last blog post..Whirlwind of nothing
fucking dumb ass rent a cops. they think they are the shizzz. fact is i bet you could have whooped his ass. take care ree and drink alot.
zoe’s last blog post..Pass the Guiness!!
dude. note to self. do not cross hotfessional.
Dawn’s last blog post..First Words
And you laughed in his face, right?
Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..Pet Peeve Thursday–The Easter Edition
But other than that, the move went fine, I assume?
Hank’s last blog post..Really, Really the Last Meme
Bastard!
Veronica’s last blog post..Sleepless Nights Indeed
what a dickhead. one wonders that anything gets accomplished in the face of such inefficiency and laughable procedure.
Melissa’s last blog post..Good Friday…
What a jerk! Kick him in the shins. But, honestly, suspiciously examining your moving activities was probably the highlight of his entire month. I have a feeling that his job is not too exciting.
Laurel’s last blog post..Fifteen Movies That I Love
A-freaking-men sistah!!!
Angel’s last blog post..Road Trip ?08© - Part II
Steve lurks here. He read your post and was all worried you’d gotten fired. I had to reassure him. lol.
imhelendt’s last blog post..Words of Wisdom from my uncle?