» I Am the Great and Powerful Ree

Apr 02 2008

I Am the Great and Powerful Ree

Published by Ree at 9:32 pm under Uncategorized

Comcan’t installed my office phone today. Digital Voice. The installation technician was even on time. I was thinking I was going to have to stop calling them Comcan’t or Comcrash, because, y’know, good service!?! But then, once the truck pulled out of the driveway and was at the corner, the internets went down. And the television. And Mr. Hot? was screaming, “What did you do?” (Like I have this magical ability to fuck EVERYTHING up. Most things, yes, but not everything.)

Oh Mah Holy Hell.

I called the Comcan’t office and a very, very nice person on the phone (No, I did not call on my new office Digital Voice phone, because, that may cause the neighbor’s house to explode or the Red Sea to part or something - I am powerful that way!) explained to me that my installation technician was most likely a contractor - who gets paid by the number of homes he ~~wreaks havoc on~~ visits - and didn’t ~~say the magic voodoo words and kill the virgin chicken~~ re-set the modem.

So, the very, very nice technician, “Tim” (I call him Tim because that’s what he said his name was), murmured the appropriate words and lo! There was internets. And television. And Mr. Hot now believes that I have the power to REPAIR, as well as DESTROY, my lovelies!

****** lalalalalalala ******

And now, the Coffee Snortin’ Hotlight. And no, not this kind of Coffee Snortin’ - because it’s about seventeen kinds of wrong.

Thanks Solomon for sharing this piece of grossness with all of us!

From Candy we have Mental Poo - Moog says one of his favorite books is “The Stand”. Another? Jon Krakauer’s “Into Thin Air”. Me too! You should definitely read “Flushable Wipes My Ass“.
Dizzy Ms. Lizzy gives us Kristy who writes at She Walks Around With It. And I loved her recounting of finding boxed wine. I love me some boxed wine.
Lizzy also contributed Travis Erwin at One Word, One Rung, One Day. Check out his hilarious Hopping Down the Bunny Trail post.
AND Lizzy (who is obviously an overachiever!) said to check out The Nerdy Redneck. He tells us that it’s hopeless and genetic here.
Major Bedhead suggested hotlighting Kevin Charnas. You can learn about Kevin here and laugh about his red-underweared encounter with his neighbor.
Mr. Lady (who cracks me up daily her own bad self) told me about Anne Nahm. She’s too cool for a tagline and wrote a compare and contrast post on/off birth control pills - I know whereof she speaks.
One of my new commenters, Michael C, had me snorting (vodka, not coffee, but it was after ~~noon~~ 5). Go see The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile - and check out this one and that one.
And these two ~~bitches~~ ~~darlings~~ bitches, Kelley and Mrs. FANCYPants have had a lovely time making fun of me in these posts. I was mortified. I cried (well, I laughed until I cried, but they couldn’t make me go run to mama.) Then Fancypants had to email me and tell me I missed her in my New Commenters post. So I edited it. Now she’s there.
And Sonia actually blogged a coffee snorter about coffee!

And then there’s this:

that turns into this:

Iz watchun teh mows on teh desk.

****** lalalalalalala ******

—- Okay, April’s Hotlight subject is: Recipe Sites! We all have to eat, right? And with warmer weather around the corner (I KNOW it will happen), I want some new, lighter recipes for Mr. Hot to make! —-

Ajax CommentLuv Enabled 3ffa54da9abe041067d6629d568410a5

25 Responses to “I Am the Great and Powerful Ree”

# Mr Ladyon 02 Apr 2008 at 9:44 pm

You know I have 80 bazillion recipes on my site, right?

Mr Lady’s last blog post..Q: What does a little girl do with a jacuzzi tub big enough to fit 15 of her?
# witchypooon 02 Apr 2008 at 10:01 pm

You are the great and all-powerful Ree!
And? I’m waving my magic wand at you now. Feel it?

witchypoo’s last blog post..Gone Yesterday, Hair Today
# Solomon Broadon 02 Apr 2008 at 10:51 pm

Thanks for the link.

And this?

(No, I did not call on my new office Digital Voice phone, because, that may cause the neighbor’s house to explode or the Red Sea to part or something - I am powerful that way!)

Is genius. I haven’t stopped laughing since I read it. I am so linking this.

Solomon Broad’s last blog post..The “Things I’m Grateful For” April Contest
# Things I’m Grateful For » Blog Archive » Things I’m Grateful For on Wednesday 2 Aprilon 02 Apr 2008 at 11:05 pm

[...] I love me some Hotfessional snark. [...]
# The Over-Thinkeron 03 Apr 2008 at 1:58 am

Hey Hotfessional! Found you through Witchypoo. I just spent some time reading “The Hot 100″ and I was going to leave a comment over there, but after reading Al Leonard’s comment, I decided his should stand alone. Interesting site that Al has…but enough about Al!

You crack me up. And I’ve learned something. Here, I’ve been killing regular old chickens to reset my modem and all along I should have been using VIRGIN chickens. Thanks for the tip!

The Over-Thinker’s last blog post..The Ghosts of April Fools Past
# angelawdon 03 Apr 2008 at 2:16 am

Wow, if you’re that powerful, Mr. Hot better give you a little more R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

I LOVE the nerdy redneck!
# Sueon 03 Apr 2008 at 3:33 am

My husband always blames me for anything tech related going on in the house. I’m like - HON - if ONLY I had that kind of power. Sheesh.

Sue’s last blog post..Change of Heart
# Julieon 03 Apr 2008 at 3:36 am

I still think that Comcast is the spawn of Satan and all that is evil in this world.

But glad you’ve taken their one good customer experience for the year….. Now the rest of us are SOL.

Julie’s last blog post..Why didn’t I think of this???
# GoddessintheGrooveon 03 Apr 2008 at 4:59 am

LOL! We got rid of Comcrash years ago!!

Do your neighbors know you are home all day?? Oh, great, almighty Ree? Maybe I should have YOU call AT&T for me next time they decide to shut everything down for hours/days

GoddessintheGroove’s last blog post..What if our Presidential Candidate was of an Earth/Universe based religion??
# Gypsyon 03 Apr 2008 at 5:24 am

Hi Hot
Just been reading back a ways to catch up on all that’s been happening in your life. As usual you had me laughing out loud….no wait…..that’s really why I came here in the first place. It’s a virtual guarantee that I will be laughing by the end of the 3rd paragraph of any of your posts. So thankyou……and I miss you.

Gypsy’s last blog post..A new day has come……
# Kelleyon 03 Apr 2008 at 8:24 am

You loves me bestest though.

You love me long time.

I am your favourite even if I am a bitch.
Kelley’s last blog post..Just give me the freaking envelope asshat.
# Sister Honey Bunchon 03 Apr 2008 at 12:28 pm

You are one powerful Hotfessional.

Sister Honey Bunch’s last blog post..As I Gaze Into Mah Lovah’s Eyes…
# Lyvvieon 03 Apr 2008 at 12:54 pm

Healthy recipes are brilliant. Some of the easiest ones are Japanese. I’ll lead you to my freind “Cooking With Dog” who I subscribe to on YouTube. And I also like All Recipes because you can enter ingredients and get tried and tested recipes.

Will you show us some of your recipe attempts?

Lyvvie’s last blog post..Lunch with the Dead.
# moooooog35on 03 Apr 2008 at 1:10 pm

Hey there…thanks for the kudos and the link!

Now, if I could just get you to have people send me money, I’d be all set.

moooooog35’s last blog post..Mary Magdalene makes a Spicy Meatball!
# Melissaon 03 Apr 2008 at 2:54 pm

I have a vivid idea of your great and powerful voice…it scares the sh** out of me.
Good luck with the spring recipes.

Melissa’s last blog post..Clotheslines Part Deux
# Hankon 03 Apr 2008 at 2:57 pm

At work, we call the Technologies Help Desk the “helpless desk.” So I feel your pain. But good job on the recovery.

Hank’s last blog post..She Cracks Me Up
# ArwynSkyeon 03 Apr 2008 at 3:52 pm

Wow Ree, I knew you powerful, but WOW…you can bring down the entire internet and the phones??? How do I become that powerful!!!!???? LOL

ArwynSkye’s last blog post..***FYI….Not for the Weak….****
# flutterbyon 03 Apr 2008 at 4:04 pm

Just one more reason we are satellite people here, lol.

flutterby’s last blog post..Whining Just Because
# Laurelon 03 Apr 2008 at 6:20 pm

I am sort of afraid of moving back into Comcan’t territory. Not that my provider in NYC is that good, but they aren’t quite as widely-known to be awful, either!

Laurel’s last blog post..Turning 25
# Travis Erwinon 03 Apr 2008 at 8:08 pm

Thanks for the kind words and linkage. Glad you like the bunny funny.

You’re pretty dang hilarious yourself. I’ll be back to red more when I have time.

Travis Erwin’s last blog post..Keep on, Keeping On
# Michael Con 03 Apr 2008 at 9:18 pm

Thanks so much for including me! I just think that is so cool and I can’t wait to check out the rest of the links!!!!

Michael C’s last blog post..Of Horse Hooves And Lip Balm
# Hyphen Mamaon 04 Apr 2008 at 1:16 am

I feel the same way about Qwest. No matter what teeny, tiny little task is involved, there is a contractor somewhere who f**ks it all up. But Qwest’s customer dis-service isn’t kind enough to actually fix it.

Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..Keep Arms and Legs Inside the Car Until the Rollercoaster Comes to a Complete Stop
# Vanessaon 04 Apr 2008 at 6:38 pm

I love the “I’ll call him ‘Tim’ because that what he said his name was” yes, because the names are always real. I love the outsourced call centers that may as well say, “I vill be having your pro-vlem todey” Gee thanks for the help. Glad your internets are working again!

Vanessa’s last blog post..Create Your Own Blogventure
# Kristabellaon 04 Apr 2008 at 7:19 pm

Well, shit. I forgot to nominate myself!

Kristabella’s last blog post..Bacon. It’s What’s For Snarking.
# zakon 13 Apr 2008 at 3:14 am

http://www.cookinglight.com

I collect their Annual Cookbook; soooooo good

zak’s last blog post..No putting much faith in voters