Apr 14 2008
Mr. Hot’s Road Trip
Mr. Hot left me this morning. (Digest that….then we’ll get to the real story!)
He left to go help 24 pack up some stuff and cart it back here. Because 24 is moving in with us this weekend. As in, this coming weekend. Which means, oh mah holy hell, I’ll have 3 of them to deal with. Three! [whimper. can I come live with you? I’m frightened.]
But! I’m alone this afternoon until Shortman gets home from school. Then I’m alone tomorrow after I send Shortman back to school for the day. Do you think there’s any way I can get the school to keep him overnight? Think of the possibilities! Par-teh at the Hotfessional’s! Woooooohhoooooooo!
So, what would you do if you had hours, blissfully and silently, alone? Take a long, hot bath? Nap? Read?
Wrong! I’m fucking working.
So, although I can dream of going outside to enjoy the sun (it’s a balmy 46° outside), or curling up with the pets to read, or running out to shop for shoes; I am, in reality, sitting here with worksheets and organizational charts, trying to figure out who will back up Susie and Johnny in case of an earthquake or hurricane in Chicago. And occasionally fielding panicked calls from Mr. Hot:
Him: Help, I’m lost.
Me: Okay, hold on, I have your map here. Where are you?
Meanwhile, I’m counting the thank yous I better get for having the idea to copy his Google map directions before he left so we’d be looking at the exact same thing.
Him: I’m going south on I-79, but it says something about the I-70/I-77 exits, and I don’t see that anywhere around here.
Me: Wait, what do you mean I-77? It says I-70E/I-79S. Nothing about I-77.
At this same time, I have a conference call muted on the speaker phone, there’s kitty-p0rn happening on the desk and it’s threatening to hang up my phone, and three people I’d left instant messages for apparently all got back from lunch at the same time, and decided to pop up on MY monitor.
Him: Well, can’t I just stay on I-79 straight into Morganhole?
To say that we’re not fans of West Virginia University would be an understatement, wouldn’t you think? Considering we call them the WVU Mountainqueers from Morganhole? Even though 24 and 20 are both alumni?
Me: Honey, you probably shouldn’t stop for directions and ask if you’re on the right road to Morganhole. Unless, of course, you’re in Pittsburgh. And if you’re in Pittsburgh, I will laugh my ass off at you, Mr. I-always-know-which-direction-I’m-going-I-just-sometimes-miss-the-turn.
Him: Ha Ha Ha. So, just tell me. Can I just stay on South 79?
Me: Yes, honey, just stay on I-79S. Love you. Be careful. Call me if you need anything else. {snort}
Now, Mr. Hot is no fan of his home state. He and I moved back north, toting Shortman (who was 9 months old at the time) and he never looked back. He grew up in the “cultured” part of West-by-gawd-Virginia - Huntington. Home of Marshall University. (Let’s go Herd!) According to him, anything north, south, or east of that was gawd-forsaken hill country. (Beautiful, scenic gawd-forsaken hill country, but there’s a reason this site exists.) Anything west was Kentucky. (Enuf’ said?)
This was our last conversation - just a few minutes ago.
Him: I made it. I’m waiting at some gas station for 24 to come meet me.
Me: Wow! You made really good time, considering all of the traffic and construction.
Him: Yea, but he can’t give directions. When I called him, he told me to get off at the Morganhole exit, then take a right and wait for him at the gas station. So, I turned right, but ended up traveling the road to nowhere. Two lanes, with guardrails on both sides, straight-the-fuck-down. I called him and said,“24, did you mean for me to turn left? There’s no gas station here, and I’m driving out to BFE.”
and he says, “Oh, yes, sorry, turn around, it’s on the other side of the exit.”Me: Uh, oh, what happened?
Him: Well, there wasn’t anyplace to turn around, so I ended up using this field that ended up being someone’s front yard. I was making a U-turn around this tree, and these three huge Bloodhounds came running after the car, howling.
The image of that made me laugh so hard, the cats took off running.
Him: And there’s a sign here in front of this station that says, “Sandy Holepitt for Magistrate.” Don’t you think if you were Sandy Holepitt and your parents actually named you Sandy Holepitt that you would change your freakin’ name before you plastered signs all over?
And then, I peed my pants.
—- Now I’m going to make Shortman take me out to dinner. —-
HOT LOVE
Sandy Holepitt?
Ouch….
Grateful Guy’s last blog post..The “Things I’m Grateful For” April Contest
You can make Shortman take you out to dinner? You have awesome powers.
witchypoo’s last blog post..April 14 Puzzle
Who is running against Sandy Holepitt? Ben Dover?
Kristabella’s last blog post..The E Stands For EXIT
I agree, I always have these blissful plans of what to do when the kids are sleeping but I always end up working.
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Optical Delusions
Change your pants first - okay?
Becky’s last blog post..I’m gonna miss him
*lol* @ Kristabella. Somehow I knew she’d come up with something like that.
Mr. Hot & Directions it appears are non-mixy things, no?
You should totally have taken advantage of your time off sans Mr. Hot - forget about the calamities about to befall Susie or Johnny - they shouldn’t be in the path of a hurricane in Chicago anyways. What you should have been doing is enjoying Hotfessional time. Not “org chart” time. ugh!
if it makes you feel better, I’m chained to my desk for 3 days while the 9to5 turns me into an indentured servant. I’m starting to think of making a motivational sign “Indentured Servitude - Don’t Be Someone’s B*tch Without Proper Compensation” however, should I make said sign, I think my boss might be a bit po’d.
Lys’s last blog post..Shoe Love…
Your family is AWESOME.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..On the High Dive
This post (especially from the last conversation on) makes me WANT to move to the south!!
Michael C’s last blog post..This Wouldn’t Happen With Barney Fife
my mother went to school with a man whose name was hansalee bansfather….iii. we southerns never learn when it comes to names.
i will not discuss the fact i named my brother darwin.
as far as children… there are five that left my home… then, i moved far, far away.
your time will come. i promise.
quin browne’s last blog post..Margaret and Johnny Were Lovers
You poor thing. Three of them? You’re going to need more then kittyporn to keep you sane. Keep the bar stocked.
Being a current resident of West by Gawd (transplant, not native) I fully sympathize, agree with, and send huzzahs to Mr. Hot. Not a lot to redeem this state, even here in the “we’re really more a part of Maryland or Virginia” panhandle. SweetieDarling had designs on WVU. Um, hell to the no. It’s UVA or beauty school.
Shania’s last blog post..The obligatory cutest puppy ever post
Well, at least you didn’t shart yourself at the same time… That would be a mess!
I am the lucky on who has had the last 2 days home alone while the man is on an out of state assignment.. I’ll take a hot bath for you.
Hey, I’ve been through Morganhole and Huntington, and over many of the hills and mountains of West-by-gawd-Virginia. I thought Pennsylvania had the market on hills, not! It’s WV! Or is it Kentucky? Question, Ree: would you want to come live with us if it was three girls there, instead of three guys? Just curious. Wild flower update: You’re right, Ree, two of my friends today confirmed your friend’s information: Spiderwort! A beautiful bunch is blooming just outside my trailer window. My neighbor Dan, across the lawn, mowed this afternoon, and bless his heart, he mowed all down except the Spiderwort plant!
coastrat’s last blog post..BACK TO THE LOWLANDS & A SURPRISE VISITOR
Mr. Hot left you?? Who’s going to be cleaning and humming while you work now?
Good luck with the new live-in addition to the family. I’m sure Mr. Hot is beyond excited.
Heidi
Heidi’s last blog post..Are You Kidding Me?
Sandie holepitt?? shit..
oh and there was an aussie olympic diver called Loudy Talky
the head of the firebrigade down here is Mr Burns..
cheers kim *skips away*
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..The Flat Stanleys have come to visit..
I sooo wish everyone would leave the house for a couple days. Yesterday when I got home there were 4 kids running around like someone replaced the sugar with crack.
Married Leos’s last blog post..You Can Hold Me In Contempt Anytime
You sound busy, totally busy.
However my bed and a book would have been calling me. Oh god, to just curl up with a book.
*sigh*
Um, sorry, got a bit off track.
Veronica’s last blog post..Fun!
I think you should take the phone off the hook and enjoy yourself with TV, a book, a nap, a stiff drink… you will need that “Me Time” after you live with 3 Y chromosomes for a week or so!!!
Melissa’s last blog post..Let’s Break This Deal…
LMAO over the sign. People really don’t always stop and just think about things sometimes. Once on a trip from here to Amarillo, there were these signs for a *down home* type cafe along the highway about a half hour outside of Amarillo.. several of them, BurmaShave style, all written in what someone decided was *down home* country talk. The sign about pies.. home made pies… was written thus: “Ho’ Made Pies” I am still surprised I didn’t cause a wreck from laughing so hard I could barely see.
flutterby’s last blog post..Fun Friday
I was so hoping Sandy Holepitt had a website, but apparently you are the only reference for his or her campaign.
I’m going to cross all digits for you, with all that testosterone in the house. I don’t know how you’re planning to survive, but maybe there’s a book deal in this. Or a sit-com.
Candy’s last blog post..The One in Which I Turn To You, Dear Internetz, For Sanity and Reason
I would have instructed Mr. Hot to steal a Sandy Holepitt sign. The perfect decor for Shortman’s future college dorm room!!
Laurel’s last blog post..How To Sell Me Wine
Oh, sure, you can come live with me anytime! I’ve got two little ones! It’ll be eons before they grow up and move out!
And I’ll add Sandy Holepitt to my list of names I would change. Most recent on that list is Stephanie Dildy.
Shelly’s last blog post..Impromptu Movie Reviews
Oh man..that is some funny stuff…
Last night hubby and I were trying to watch a movie (Fracture which was REALLY good).. and my dog and cat were on my lap trying to do a 69…for real..I am NOT even exaggerating..
It grossed me out…
mp’s last blog post..Why can’t everyone be normal??
Aww come on, if I was from Morganhole, West-by-gawd-Virginia I’d see nothing wrong with being named Sandy Holepitt. After all it’s kind of fitting dont’ you think? “I’m uh Hole-pitt furm Merginhole, were you furm?”
Lela’s last blog post..I’m So Bad
Lmao! Men and directions!! Sandy Holepitt!!
Too funny. =)
Twisting Ivy’s last blog post..Homewreckers and Heartbreakers