Apr 22 2008
I Warned You
Before I go getting serious on y’all, I have to get this out of my system.
To the guy in the Security Line at DTW this morning:
Contrary to what you may believe, attaching yourself to my hip will not make me move faster. I still must take off my shoes, take my laptop out of its case, pull my plastic baggie of liquid-type-shit out of my carryon, and take off my jacket. I can do this in under 30 seconds. I’ve timed myself and I am an expert.
So when you decide that there’s far too much room between me and the person in front of me, nudging me repeatedly will only make life worse for you. Believe me when I say this. And when you decide to cut around me, so you can get through security first? Remember that karma – she is a nasty bitch and will bite your ass.
But I’m sure that having your luggage unpacked and searched was much less delaying than waiting for me to untie my freaking shoe.
Love, and Have a great trip!
The Hotfessional
There was my funny for the day. Oh, there may be some humor-ish-ness in the rest of the post, but for the most part, I just want to tell y’all a little something. So, if you’re looking for snark…it may be buried in here - because I can’t take anything too seriously anymore. If you’re looking for the sexy? Probably not. (Unless you have some interesting ideas of sexy….in which case, I think I love you. Come sit in the corner and we’ll neck.)
Sometime around 1996 or so, Mr. Hot was brushing my very long, very thick hair. I loved the feeling of the brush going through the strands – it was more relaxing than a massage - excellent foreplay– and it was a great prelude to my making him cookies, so he was happy to oblige.
He stopped brushing and said, “Ree, you’ve got a bald spot here,” and rubbed the top left side of my head. “About the size of a quarter.”
I felt it. Yep. Bald. Not just thinning, but smooth as a baby’s ass. I figured it was some weird side-effect of birth control pills or a little too much tension on the curling iron or something. I knew it would grow back. I am hairy.
About a week later, I was tying my shoe at MomandDad’s house. “Ree, you’ve got a bad spot on the top of your head! What happened?”
After assuring them that he and I didn’t play “Caveman”, Mr. Hot told them about the hair brushing, and looked at it himself. “Um, Ree? It’s bigger than it was.”
And so, I made an appointment with a dermatologist.
I was afraid he was going to tell me that I had some incurable cancer of the hair. Or that I had a spider’s nest growing in my scalp. (Hush! It could happen.) Instead, he told me was that I had an auto-immune disorder. Not unlike lupus, or scleroderma, or Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. My white blood cells decided, for whatever inex-fuckin-plicable reason that they didn’t like my hair cells. (Die! Die hair cells!) My white blood cells decided to become over-achievers.
The treatment for alopecia areata (only sometimes successful, he was careful to point out) was cortisone shots. In my head. Oh mah holy hell, y’all. “I PASS OUT”, I wanted to yell. “You can’t give me injections IN MY HEAD.”
Then he told me I would need to return every.two.weeks. for shots.
And then I died.
Not really, duh. I sucked it up and Dr. Shek (no, not Shrek, but how cool would that have been?) and I became best buds. I cut off all my hair into a really cute little shag, thinking that choppy layers would make the, um, hairless spots, seem less noticeable. (It didn’t.) We had our Tuesday afternoon dates – him and his needles. Me and my tissues. I am proud to say that I never fainted. Not once.
Well meaning co-workers asked if I was going through chemotherapy. I got to the point where I could quote the Wiki version of auto-immune disorders in general, and my disease in particular (and this was before Wiki was invented!). I wanted people to stop feeling sorry for me. I wanted them to stop thinking I was going to, y’know, become deceased.
I wanted people to look at my eyes, not my hair. I wanted my mother to stop asking me if I’d like her to buy me a wig. (Sure, why not. About a $5000, human hair model…like
Eventually, that’s exactly what happened. And eventually I was only seeing my boyfriend - the cute Dr. - every 4 weeks. Then every six weeks. And then, we broke up. It was time for me to see someone else – the guy who cut and styled my hair. It came back in gray. It was curly and kinky and frizzed when it never had before, but it was hair. I hated it. And I loved it.
According to my Wiki version, the active phase of Alopecia Areata is sometimes triggered by stress. Sometimes, there’s no reason for it at all. Shit happens. Some say it’s genetic. Some say if you have relatives with a different auto-immune disorder, you’re more likely to get it. Whatever. All I know is that Shit.Happens.
Ten years later? Shit Happens again. About 3 weeks ago, I was in the shower, and pulled out a clump of hair that could have covered a chihuahua. If you take your index finger and put it on your right temple, draw a line around the back of your head to your left temple, and pull all of that hair straight up? You’ll know where I’m losing it. Heres a picture. Here’s another.
I’ve told my parents that it’s back (Mom is no longer offering wigs). Mr. Hot obviously knows because of the screeching he hears from the shower in the morning. I’ve told my other best friend. Most of the coworkers from 1996 are long gone, and so I have to explain to a whole new group of people. I figured I’d practice on y’all (don’t you feel special?).
I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me - so please don’t make me cry - I spend alot of damn time on my makeup now and I don’t need to spend MORE time fixin’ it. But, if you know of someone that shares my unique ability to lose my hair, do let me know. If you have any questions - let me know. If you just want to go “Damn, girlfriend….” that’s okay, too.
And if you’ve made it this far, I’ll share one more picture with you. This is what happens when you forget to turn off the flash and take a picture in the dirty mirror - but you can see my bellybutton!
—- Okay, so I did give you a little of the sexy - because you listened. —-
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
I’m getting 404 on the pics…
Grateful Guy’s last blog post..The “Things I’m Grateful For” April Contest
Damn, Girlfriend…
barbra’s last blog post..while reading blogs today…
You gave hugs to me when I was going through a rough time, so here’s some hugs to you
You’re still hot.
pisceshanna’s last blog post..I’m Back
Damned skippy yer hawt!
Three weeks ago, hmm? When was it decided that 24 would be moving in with you?
witchypoo’s last blog post..Free Stuff!
Ree, you could pull that off on the first day of your period… all bloating and crappy… wearing the furry crocs from Kelley’s recent post… in flourescent lighting…
You rock my friend, and I’m certain it’ll all work out like it did last time!
If you wanna chat, email me
…that’s F.A.N.C.Y.P.A.N.T.S not Fussy!?!
Chin up
x
MrsFancypants’s last blog post..how do i?
Damn girlfriend…
OK the bellybutton part and the hair brushing part was sexy..
human hair model…like Cher wears = SNARKY
pulled out a clump of hair that could have covered a chihuahua = Funnier than sh*t
The airport thing…OMG I almost took a Puerto Rican Girl OUT at the airport..and I don’t even fight…
mp’s last blog post..Recap Yet Again??
Damn, girlfriend. And if you want to talk, you have my email addy, too. It must get really tedious explaining that all the time.
Shelly’s last blog post..Cormac McCarthy
Wow, lucky you with your very attractive oval head shape. That’s from your dad’s side, right? I’m guessing yes because if you took more after your Polish side, we’d be looking at more of a cabbage instead of a coconut. Anyway, nice dome.
Would you consider going bald? I’ve always kind of wanted to.
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Starbucks!
I’m guessing that as the treatment worked the last time, it’ll probably work this time, too, then? Still: damn!
Amber’s last blog post..Egg On My Face
Damn Girlfriend! I worked with someone who had that. All her hair fell out and she wore a wig. It never occurred to ask why; that just seemed so personal.
M&Co.’s last blog post..Getting dissed at the Mall
Okay - one more DAMN Girlfriend!
I won’t feel sorry for you - cause you don’t want that - but I will stop feeling sorry for MYSELF and my fine, straight, boring @$S hair. Okay?
Becky’s last blog post..Traveling Tuesday - Another Photograph
Oh my God you’re cute.
And spunky. And you’re going to come through this just fine.
daysgoby’s last blog post..shoes still fit in mouth well
Damn Girlfriend!
And hugs.
I will never take my hair for granted again… and I admire your strength in this. =)
Twisting Ivy’s last blog post..Somebody Pinch Me
In direct contrast to your wishes, I’m still sorry that you’re going through this. On the upside, they say a good chapeau can make an outfit! Mrs. Chicken over at http://www.chickenandcheese.com has the same thing, if I remember correctly.
Shania’s last blog post..Why I asked for a divorce on my honeymoon
Tease. I could not get ONE of your links to work.
Not only can I totally sympathize, I learned something new today. See, my mother? Cue ball. My mother? Also has Lupus. I never put the two together.
I had a really awesome stint with losing hair by the handful a few years ago. It. was. Horrifying.
I still have no idea why it happened.
Thanks for putting your story out there, sister. I’d still totally do ya.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..Just another Memey Monday
From one auto immune sufferer (Hashimoto’s, vitiligo) to another: it totally SUCKS. But we are stronger than all that mess.
Oh, yes, we are.
Damn girlfriend!!! Take those Hotfessional boots, with extra pointy stilletos, and kick this autoimmune alopecia’s ASS into next week!
Sarah’s last blog post..A Rumba, A Jive, and A Hoedown!
I just wanna know what it is about gray hair that makes it grow in a different texture than what you’ve already got. It’s really pissing me off. I was going to be happy to let mine go gray when it wanted to. I have really thick straight hair and I just thought long straight gray hair would be pretty cool. But it’s not straight. It comes in with these curly kinky bits that stick out all over the place and it PISSES ME OFF!! I got it cut short several months ago. I mean really short. Hub calls it my lesbian look. I love it mostly because since it’s so short, it takes me a whole 5 minutes to color out the gray.
Damn girlfriend. And now I’ll tell you something I really didn’t want to talk about. You know that Year of the Head Lice I mentioned in my post today? I had to shave my head. It was that bad. And, boy, let me tell you, I do not look at all good without hair. I don’t have the cheekbones for it. In fact, I looked exactly like my brother. This was not a good thing.
But, at least I knew it would grow back.
suburbancorrespondent’s last blog post..Ant-ipathy
Ai yi yi, shit does happen.
On the bright side, instead of spending your money at the hair salon for the next little while, you can instead (and should) spend that money on more great shoes for yourself.
Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..It’s Earth Day!
My hair has been thinning for the past 10 years and it’s one of my biggest fears; losing more. You have my absolute empathy and sympathy and I’m sending you and your hair follicles healing energy.
(cute picture!)
Jenny’s last blog post..Saturday
Damn girlfriend…
Seriously - I don’t know what to say. Sorry - I’d send you happy hair thoughts, but I don’t know if they will help.
RC’s last blog post..Hangin? with my peeps?
Hm. Could it be time to take it a little easier, perhaps?
Stuff like that sucks. But then, think of it: You could get one of those cool wigs and look like Amy Winehouse!
charlotte’s last blog post..With gusto
What are the chances that both of us wrote post with “Chihuahua” in it.
Married Leos’s last blog post..Quote of the Day
One of the reasons I really like you, Ree, is because you are so up front (and usually hilarious) about your life! As you did before, you’ll come out of this OK. Hope the guy in the airport security line had his flight cancelled!
coastrat’s last blog post..GLIMMERING WATERS HIDE MONSTER THAT WAS THERE - HELP NEEDED!
Damn, girlfriend. An old friend of mine (who I’ve unfortunately lost touch with over the years) doctor diagnosed her with Hashimoto’s, but then it came out that she was actually pulling it out on her own accord, which there is no cure for, other than some deep therapy. She did that, but for as long as I knew her, the hair-removing never stopped. I just want to tell you that if the injections help and if you can stand it, go for it and kick Hashi’s ass!!!! If there’s anything I can send you, like Jack Daniel’s or Stoli, let me know & I’ll do it. Sending you lots of good mojo!!!!
Jules
House of Jules
HouseofJules’s last blog post..For everyone (and everyone you know) who has a dog in Milwaukee… this one’s for you!
Dude, that sucks! I was losing clumps of hair for a while. Its scary, not fun, and makes you feel like crap. Hope things get better soon.
Oh. I’ve got Hashimoto’s…hence the hair loss for me.
Erin’s last blog post..Roosday-Tuesday ? Wherein Our Hero is a Couch-Licker
Damn Girlfriend . . .
Hang in there!
Liz J in Central Illinois’s last blog post..A VERY Rude Awakening!
Man you are hot! Even if I can’t see the damn freaking photos. I know you are hot anyway.
No sympathy from me babe. I hate that shit. You know it. But if you wanna play dark humour with you let me know. And I will come and lick your bald spots. And we can make a website and make a fucking FORTUNE!
Send me the photos sweetie, so I can practice.
Kelley’s last blog post..Do. Not. Want.
I feel for you. My hair started falling out after my daughter was born, hormonal changes. And I had long, thick beautiful hair.
It was depressing bc don’t we all associate beauty with hair.
to say that you are not upset about this would probably be misguided. i didn’t find anything nice about losing my womanly hair.
but here’s the deal.
it’s hair - you’re losing, not your eyesight like my grandma. not your ability to move like my ex-boss who has MS. not your ability to read, write, think, play hard, make love, speak or listen.
you’ve still got your sight, your legs, your arms, your belly button. only you can take that what has happened and work it into something that works for you. for every beautiful woman we see out there, there’s one even better.
point is, there is always something out there, we have to learn to exist in our bodies the fullest way we can…from the inside out.
i may never get back the hair that i once had just five years ago, but you know what. i still put my lipstick on. and enjoy it.
i don’t know if this helps, it probably doesn’t. but i hear you. and i feel bad if you feel bad. but hopefully we can all realize it’s not the end of the world.
I like you for your brain, not whats covering it =)
(hugs)
Nancy’s last blog post..Six Word Memoir Meme
Daaaaaayyyyyyyaaaaaaaaammmmmmmm Girlfriend! Um… no pictures though- getting an error. I lost about half my hair about a year after I became a vegetarian from not getting enough protein. There weren’t bald spots, just an all-over kinda loss. It’s mostly come back now. Thank God my hair is so thick. It came out by the handfuls. It was horrible. I’m so sorry.
imhelendt’s last blog post..Sick day. But not like you think.
Bald is HOT! It truely is. G.I. Jane was hot, and she was bald. This could be a whole new era of the Hotfessional. I think that it could work. Especially since your bellybutton currently resides somewhere North of the Equator.
Being a woman is hard sometimes.
Lots of Goddess-y strength coming your way! Who gives a rats ass about hair, you are hot awesome :).
A little girl who does Capoeira with my kids was just diagnosed. She is 7, I believe, and losing her hair. I will pass you on to her mom…..
xoxoxo!
P.S. I did enjoy the security story, don’t you just LOVE when karma steps right in? Instant gratification :).
Goddess in the Groove’s last blog post..Wordless Sunday
I’ll introduce you to Scottish TV presenter Gail Porter. She had a fast built career in the 90’s - she’s gorgeous, spunky, adorable and an absolute sweetie. The stress to be thin, divorce, single motherhood and PPD and being active on TVlandia triggered alopecia. She now is completely bald, as she’s not had a remission and her regrowth is patchy. She’s now a spokesperson for alopecia in the UK.
Lyvvie’s last blog post..Yay! It’s Wednesday!!
Well, shit?
Maybe this time it will grow back in red. Or green. Green would be different.
Hey, it could happen!
Veronica’s last blog post..Housekeeping
Damn, girlfriend…
Ree, if anyone can rise above this..you can!
And we - all your little people - are right behind you, backing you up!
Hugs - Heidi
Heidi’s last blog post..Stuck
I thank you for sharing your story. I was wondering how it became active and you knew you had it (the history part helped fill in the blanks). You’re right, shit does happen. You have done this before and you will do what you need to do to deal with it again. I tend to agree with Nancy though. I really like you for your brain!
You are the HOTFESSIONAL and NOTHING (not even being out of a job) can change that.
Peace!
Wbppsh7’s last blog post..Back into the swing of things
Ree..
Hugs to you and your outstanding attitude…could the stress be from 24 moving in?
Last time I went through untold stress, I became diabetic…I would have eventually anyway, but stress brought it on faster. I was 30. The body reacts in mysterious ways.
You are still sexy..sexy is all in the attitude! You have it!
Love, jodi
Jodi’s last blog post..A Whole Lot About NOTHING
You know what my response is? God there are a lot of crazy diseases out there trying to mess with people.
This sucks, I am sorry. You say that you’re shrieking in the shower, but this post certainly displays a “zen” attitude. Sending you big hugs anyway! xoxo
Are you back with Dr. Boyfriend Part II to discuss head shots?
Laurel’s last blog post..Questions, Part Three: Time for Lunch Edition
You are awesome and you totally rock the headband, so you’re all good!
Kristabella’s last blog post..She’s BOSSY
Shit. That totally sucks. You had mentioned the alopecia to me once before, and I didn’t realize that it was something that came and went like this.
Clearly…there is a wee bit of stress in your life right now. So since your pattern is that it will stop and grow back, is there any reason not to think that will happen again?
Love you…and will totally marry you anyway. But now you totally have to be the boy.
Candy’s last blog post..Interactive Meme!!
I say just shave your head. Shave it all of, make your head super smooth and shiny and go with it. If you want to wear a wig, wear one.
Why fight it if it’s going to keep happening! You are going to be hawt no matter what you do.
Just think of the money you can save on shampoo, conditioner, haircuts and all the other crap we do to our hair!
You can take all that money you save, buy that $5,000 real-hair wig and wear it once. Then take the rest of the money you saved and get pedicures every week, and massages, and fly around the world.
I think I just might shave my freaking head right now too!
Angel’s last blog post..Generic peanut butter sucks.
Hey Ree, I leave you alone for 5 minutes and look what happens!
I was also wondering if you are going back to Dr Needle in the head guy as it worked last time. Whatever happens you will handle it with your usual awesome humour and that will see you through.
Gypsy’s last blog post..A smell to outlast religion
Sexier than ever Hott.
Sexxxxyyyy
Julie’s last blog post..HOLY CRAP!
Thank you sweetheart.. maybe now I might be brave enough to post photos of me..I make obese sound like an healthy option.. I gave up the ciggies and then gained 40 or 50 pounds..At least Amy can bounce on my belly…
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Shameful Destruction
Oh great… now I’ll get even freakier about my hair falling out in clumps! Being the proud owner of my very OWN auto-immune disease (a different one), I can relate to getting bored with the pity and the face people make when you try to explain it and explain “And I’m going to be just fine!”. I’m glad you shared the pictures. I hope whatever boyfriend you get this time is as good as the last one. Or can you hook back up with the last one?
Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..Pet Peeve Thursday
Great post, grrrl.
Can’t relate personally, but I thought I would pass this along. I took my 12 year old son (a worrisom type, who apparently internalizes stress) to get his hair cut a few weeks ago (just after school let out). He and my 11 year old usually get “buzz cuts” in the summer (’cause it’s soooo hot here- NC) and they have thick hair just like me. Any who… he elected not to, and just get it trimmed. Good thing! Apparently 6th grade EOGs are something to stress about. He had a bald spot the size of a golf ball at the bottom of his head. The hairdresser was the one who told me what it was. I never even realized!
Luckily I had been such a slack Mom on the haircut side, that his hair was long enough to cover it!
Damn, girlfriend. But I say you have such pretty eyes you can carry off the shaved look - I bet you look great!
Madmad’s last blog post..A knitter packs for a week at the beach