I’m home - and only slightly hung over! The really disgustingly greasy Egg McMuffin with Sausage, Hashbrown patty, and Sweet Tea breakfast that I had at 5:50 AM (yes, that would be early-fucking-morning), helped tremendously. As did the nap I took from the time we pulled away from the gate at O’Horror (on time….make note!) until the pilot bounced the plane on the runway in Detroit.

I was suitably mortified when the flight attendant asked me if I had a nice sleep as she said, “Buh-Bye”. Did I snore? Oh mah holy hell, I bet I did. I really need to start including some, oh, food in my day when I have these “events” to attend. Dinner at the retirement party last night was 1 meatball, 2 carrot sticks, a piece of bruschetta, and a cauliflower thingie. And although I managed to make sure that I went three days(!) without having a dinner expense to report, (thanks again, Bossy and SK), I’m sure my liver is wondering when the hell I’m going to be normal again. (That would be tonight!)

So, 24 is moved in. He originally said, “I have my clothes and a desk.” Then it was, “I have my clothes, a desk, and a bookcase.” Then! “I have two bookcases.” (In addition to his clothes and the desk.) I’m guessing that the basement is a little, um, crowded with piles of OUR stuff in front of the washer and dryer. I’m guessing that because Mr. Hot said, “Don’t think I’ll be able to wash any clothes until I rent a U-Haul and make him move his own ass out - good thing you work from home - we’ll all smell like butt.”

My darling husband was thrilled to see me walk in the door this morning. I have no idea why, as it’s not like I’m going to say something about it all when he’s already up here, unpacked, set up, and sprawled all over my couch looking for a job. Oh, did I mention? That job that he was transferring to? Um, apparently not available. Or some such shit.

Did I mention that this kid is moodier than a 15-year-old girl? I think I may change his alias. (Moody. I think it suits.)

Aaaaannnnywayyyy. Mr. Hot was happy to see me (and not because he thought he was getting cookies, because, uh-huh, not tonight dear, I’ve been up since 4 a.m.). I think having another “real adult” in the house calmed him down. Either that, or he figured I was using this alcohol-filled business trip as an opportunity to maybe, oh, suffer from amnesia or something and leave him with his two clones sons - and now he’s going to lock me in the bathroom and never, ever let me leave the house without him again.

(I may have to come up with a secret code - and if I blog that code? You must.come.rescue.me!)

So, can you stand yet another stupid employee story? I was in the grocery store this evening and my Crackberry started buzzing. I read the message - from the Human Resources Dept.

Hotfessional,

I received a call from Sillygirl. Sillygirl received her severance information package and determined that the calculations were based on her pre-2008 salary. I know that Sillygirl was out on Short Term Disability, but did you notify us to flip the switch on her merit increase on January 1 when she returned?

Sincerely,
HRLady

I responded:

HRLady,

When Sillygirl returned from Short Term Disability, I asked HRGuy if there was anything I needed to do to make sure her merit increase got processed. He said that as long as her supervisor sent in form 230STDReturn, her compensation would be adjusted. I know that Sillygirl’s supervisor sent that form in.

My question is, since she returned on January 2nd, and those raises were effective January 1st, why didn’t she notify us that her increase wasn’t appearing on her paychecks?

I’ll find the email from HRGuy as soon as I get home - and I’ll also send you the approval for Sillygirl’s increase.

Regards,
Hotfessional

Got that y’all?

Our merit increases are effective annually on January 1st. This woman came back from disability on January 2nd. The policy states that if you’re not “actively employed” on the first of the year, your increase is not effective until you return to work. But, when you return to work, it gets paid retroactively…blah, blah, blah.

I know - you’re looking around the room and wondering if I’m going to bother to get to any point. But stay with me here for a minute, eh?

We get paid on the 15th and last day of the month.

January 15th. January 31st. February 15th. February 29th. March 15th. March 31st. April 15th.

Seven-fucking-payrolls.

And she never told anyone that her increase didn’t get processed.

I understand that her take-home pay could have changed at the beginning of the year. I mean - taxes change. Benefits co-pays may be different. But, y’all? Please tell me that I’m not anal-retentive weird a nutcase alone in that I would have checked my damn paycheck with a fine-toothed comb if I was told I was getting an increase AND told that I’d get paid retroactively back to the effective date.

Anyone?

Should I get fitted for a white coat with really long sleeves and a self-tie belt, or would you, maybe? just possibly? notice that your gross-semi-monthly-salary hadn’t increased?

—- I bet they’d wash my pretty white coat at the hospital though. —-

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