This is a string of emails from the past couple of days. This is the reason that I use the phrase “Oh Mah Holy Hell” about seventy-eleven times an hour.

Dear Hotfessional:

I understand from Sue that Bob (from Company D) wants to keep the reports that were created for Company C. Since Company D no longer owns these reports, I’m not sure what we should do.

Signed,
Joe

Okay, so Sue is once again causing a panic about something she knows nothing about. Bob cannot have access to these reports. Legally, Bob’s department has NO RIGHT to the reports any longer. Sigh. I’ll take care of Sue later.

Dear Joe,

As you have indicated, Company D no longer has any legal right to keep these reports. Additionally, below, you’ll find that Bob’s manager understands that and has indicated that it is perfectly fine to delete those reports. Please proceed with the plans as defined - delete all copies of those reports. Company C (the new owners) have what they need.

Sincerely,
The Hotfessional

What Bob’s manager actually wrote was, “We don’t need the reports. Delete them.” (Could he have been any more clear?)

Dear Hotfessional:

Are you sure that Bob is okay with this?

-Joe

Um, Joe? I don’t really give a shit what Bob is okay with. Legally, (may I repeat myself?) Bob has no right to this information. Bob’s manager agrees that Bob has no reason to need these reports. Bob is a moron. Joe, you are a bigger moron.

Dear Joe,

Bob’s manager is fine with it. Legally, Company C has NO right to this information. I have provided Bob’s manager’s approval. Please go ahead with the plans to delete the reports.

Thanks again.
The Hotfessional

And OMFG! Please come to my house so I can stick my pencil through your right eye and out your left ear.

Dear Hotfessional,

I just want to make sure you realize, once deleted they are gone for good and can not be recovered.

Joe

Sigh. And I can put my letter opener into your right ear and out your left eye. Really, stop by anytime!

Dear Joe,

Just delete the fucking things already. I told you we have no right to the information. I told you that I’ve gotten everyone’s okay. I don’t know if you think I’m a liar or just plain stupid or what, but if you don’t delete the damn things, I’m going to take whatever tapes/disks/flash drives/pieces of freakin’ paper they are on and shove them, individually, up your ass! I understand.

The Hotfessional

—- I was afraid that once I started working from home I would run out of stories of idiocy for this blog. Obviously, I was wrong. —-

---

Are you going to BlogHer? Do you want to take her with you? I hear she drinks like a fish and has lovely shoes!