I think I’m getting the plague. Or something.

Which is strange considering that a) I hardly ever get sick AND b) I haven’t hardly been out of the house. Can breathing your own air make you sick?

My ears are all stopped up - I may as well have my head under water. Which is going over real well with Mr. Hot. “Huh?” “Wha?” “Sorry, huh?” He already claims that I don’t listen to him. (But at least normally, when I choose not to listen to him I can hear him! He shouldn’t feel bad now, right? Because I really can’t hear what the fuck he’s saying! So the listening? Not a choice.)

Of course, I’m going to get my head shots on Friday, so let’s just be really miserable by then!  Let’s make sure death sounds like a less-shitty option.   Yay!

***lalalalalala***

MomandDad came over to my house yesterday because Dad fixed my birdhouse and made me some drawer-rails for my dresser so the drawers would stop falling out on my toes. It rained all day long. The plan was to head over to the bakery to pick up some goodies and grab Mom a present before they got to our house.  (Mother’s Day….Mom needs presents….even though I didn’t get any.  I’m not bitter.  Ha.)

Mr. Hot didn’t want to go out in the rain. (Snirk. Yea, right, he’ll melt. uh. huh.) So, even though MomandDad were supposed to be over at 1, I procrastinated until 12:40. Shush - the bakery is only 7 miles away. And a stop at the garden center to pick up a bunch of flowers or something wouldn’t take long. After all, when MomandDad say “One o’clock”, they really mean two-ish. Or thereabouts. Or “sometime that same day…y’know - the same day as the one o’clock day”.

I got to the bakery - picked up the goodies (hummus, bread, baklava and mahmool) - and left and it was only 12:53! (I rock. I also drive fast when necessary.) I ran into the nursery, grabbed a bouquet of purple roses and lilies and this:

for her garden - because he was so damned cute. (I think she should name him Steve. Do you think he looks like a Steve?)

Aaaaannnnnyyywayyyy, I turned onto our road (1.1 miles from home) at 12:59 pm - figuring I was golden! I had plenty of time. I could run upstairs, grab a card…write something sentimental and tear-jerky in it, and still have time to handcraft some wrapping paper ala Martha Stewart before they arrived.

Because on-time? And The Hotfessional’s MomandDad? Are not on speaking terms.

Except, apparently, yesterday. Because they were already there. At 1:0-freakin-4.

Oh well. No card, no handcrafted paper. Just a bag (paper, though! It wasn’t plastic!) and a Happy Mother’s Day!

Still, isn’t that one cute toad?

***lalalalalala***

And because I’ve subjected you to too much whining and moaning lately, here are some search term gems:

• business casual walking shorts 2008 - y’all? my business casual wardrobe is now cut-off sweats, a t-shirt, and slippers. (Kelley - look away, you’ll disown me)

• city shorts business casual - No. Just no. If you’re one of the women who worked in my office setting, do NOT wear city shorts. Please.
• all-green dry penis - Um. I’m sorry. I bet you can find a prosthetic one that is realistic though after yours falls off.  Veronica or Cookiebitch may know where.  And maybe next time you won’t do whatever it was you were doing.
• what would you do if you knew you could - Good question! Unfortunately, I’m 45 and don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
• quotes from superbad lemonade - “Ewwwwww, this stuff sucks.” “Tastes like piss!’ “Just give me straight vodka next time!”
• natasha richards revealing dress - I can tell you with 100% certainty that I have never written about natasha richards. I don’t have a clue who she is…but I think she’s the one that Mr. Hot was ogling the other day.
• hotfessional - Yes? that would be me.  As opposed to witchypoo - who is not me.
• stats how many people feel bluetooth is - better than green tooth?   Let’s vote shall we?
• another birthday got it right- yea, got it right in the gut. Oh mah holy hell, let’s not think about it, okay?
• have you sunbathed topless - Well, yes, I have. Y’all, here’s a hint. Use sunscreen. Lots and lots of sunscreen. SPF-783 is probably about right.

—- And for those of you wondering. - Mr. Not-the-husband drove up at 12:20 p.m. today and didn’t leave until 3:18. Guess they had the weekend to make up for. —-