Hotlight?

Remember that? Where I your link to your favorite sites on a specific topic? Well, last month, I did nearly all of the work, eh-hem.

So June? We’re skipping.

Hey, I’ve already managed to keep that New Year’s blogolution longer than I’ve ever kept one before.

But one thing I won’t give up is props to my new commenters. Because I’m needy that way and comments are what make my world go ’round. So thank you to the delurkers and the first time visitors. I hope you feel free to come by again - and again, and again. Because you make my life special.

• Molly - A Fellow VerveEarther - at I Heard Tell. Her posts are just right and have the ability to make you laugh and think.
• Madge over at Diva Cosmos - She’s Vivienne’s evil twin, and somehow I think I’m flattered that Madge stopped by. I love her snark.
• Karen from 3Garnets2Sapphires - Since garnet is my favorite gem, I’m thrilled she’s willing to share her cute kids and her fears.
• Maggie at Maggie’s Mind - She has great pictures and math lessons to boot!
• Pamela from The Dayton Time - The Boss of Things in Western New York whose daughter is offering her services as a flower girl.
• AnyMommy writes at Is AnyMommy Out There? - Became Mom to 3 babies in 22 months, and shares her amazing story.
• ‘M’ over at MommyPie - has been ambushed by the Ingalls family AND photographed with a famous billionaire.
• MommyTime at Mommy’s Martini is a PhD’d professor in Michigan, so you better believe I’m proofreading my stuff. I know she relates to ‘water issues’ though.
• Ilina from Dirt & Noise - She’s a neat-freak Obama Mama who gives me new drinks every Friday!
• Celtic Buffy is Serving Up Life - One Latte at a Time - in search of life, love and a new home - and the inspections that go with it.
• Jacki is Moving at the Speed of Life - A sweetie pie in Northern Virginia watching out for the environment.
• Natalie at Tell Me About It is a Mom to 4 in Turkey (yes, the country) - and she’s a much braver blogger than I.
• Jeanie writes at Jeanie in Paradise - she had her garage sale in Australia the same day I had mine in the U.S., and we both know our Dr. Seuss.
• Zeghsy is someplace in Wisconsin, and though she frets at dropping the f-bomb, her language is much cleaner than mine.
• Lindabelle from Lindabelle’s Mindless Clutter proves that living with grown children can be done, you just have to decide WHERE.
• Kim, at Methinks, is a SAHM to a disabled daughter, who just joined the big 4-0 club! (Welcome Kim!)
• Jess, from Just a Little on the Side - shares a love of purple Flinstones vitamins and good ways to work out frustrations.
• Tina over at The Bigger They Get has been trying to sell at home for a year - I hope they eventually get to retire.
• Missy - who is Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch - is a gorgeous Aussie girl going to BlogHer, but rightly fears Twitter.
• Wow, Was that Awkward (aka Brett) - writes at It Was A Dark, Stormy and I Lost My Serial Comma - the absolute longest blog name I’ve typed - poor guy is allergic to cats, but likes beer, so he’s okay in my book.
• Nicole is from Resolving Time Issues - She’s another Neighbor to the North, and I like her thinking.
• Chefdruck at Chefdruck Musings knows moms ares superheroes and can explain masturbation if needed.
• Gallicissa shares amazing photos of birds in Sri Lanka - and dragons, too.
• Obison at Obi’s Mind comes and goes for months at a time, and provides me with another male frame of mind.
• Super Hero at me and others said he wouldn’t want to be my neighbor (hee), but I can’t not like someone with a love of Redbull.
• Louise at New Orleans Food is invited to come watch out my front window while sharing plates of this.

—- Can y’all believe June is gone already? Of course, Mother Nature (the Bitch) is treating us in Ann Arbor to near record lows in the 40’s tonight. Cuddle up with someone warm tonight. —-

I hope that someday I can make a visit to each and every one of you that commented on my last post and hug you and buy you your favorite beverage and treat you to your favorite treat.

I have never, in my entire life, felt the kind of outpouring of love and affection that I have had in the past two days from all of you out there in the blogosphere. I have new faith in humankind now, and I thank you all very much.

I needed some quiet time to myself the past two days (well, after we got back from the races on Saturday…and no sign of any partying…and no piles from the dog, so I’m guessing he was let out at least once) - so I left the computer turned off and did some thinking. I need to borrow one of my favorite lines from Risky Business, “Every now and then say, ‘What the fuck’. What the fuck gives you freedom.’”

And so, I’m more at peace with the situation. I’ll be sending emails to all of you over the next couple of days. And don’t tell me not to, because Oh Mah Holy Hell y’all, you are the sweetest, kindest people I have ever cried my eyes out in front of.

I’ll have a real post up later this evening. Until then, XXOO my friends.

Ree

I have not been this emotionally wrung out and on the verge of sobbing uncontrollably since I was a thirteen year old girl who hated her nose, her parents, her brother and sister and her life.

It would be very easy to blame this on pre-menopausal hormones. It would be even easier to blame this on all of the changes I’ve gone through over the past three months. And both of those excuses very good reasons are true. But having someone to talk to and listen; listen to what I’m SAYING…not the words, but the feelings behind them would go so much further than being told that I’m the problem.

So that when I say, “I don’t feel comfortable in my own house anymore.” Instead of trying to pacify me with “That’s stupid.”, why not HEAR me and ask me, “Is there anything I can do?” Or better yet, say, “I understand.” Even if you don’t right then. But then THINK about what I’ve said and remember your psychology classes. Remember when I said, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by life right now”? That could have been a tip-off.

Maybe if you did that, I wouldn’t be sitting here crying right now and turning my head when you walk by so you won’t see me.

Maybe then I could tell you that I’m scared that my hair won’t grow back. That I’ll be forever wearing scarves and be afraid of unexpected visitors or having to meet strangers who ask if I’m covering my head for religious reasons or worse, because I have cancer.

I could tell you that I’m scared that I won’t find a job that I like when I lose this one in November. Or that I won’t find one at all. That I’m scared enough that I won’t be able to support the two people that I have been supporting for the past eleven years without adding another to the mix. Another whose contribution to this household has consisted of nothing more than something else to worry about.

Maybe I could tell you that it bothers me that you scream at our son for the smallest transgression, but that when 24 “forgets” AGAIN to check the water softener, you fill it up and never mention it to him.

I could tell you that instead of groping my tits or ass when I walk by, you’d get so much further if you offered to put lotion on my back or took me to dinner. Alone. Without me having to suggest it.

Maybe I could tell you that yelling when I don’t remember a rant you made two weeks ago about some political figure only makes me feel like you think I’m stupid, it doesn’t make me want to go read every article ever written on the topic. Although I’d really like to have an intelligent political conversation with you, because I think you’d be surprised at my opinion on things that are going on in the world.

I could tell you I’m not criticizing your ability to keep the house clean when I sweep the kitchen floor or MOVE the furniture to vacuum, it’s just that I do things differently and notice when there’s dust under the cedar chest. I could tell you I don’t MIND doing it, even if you just did it three days ago - because, y’know, I don’t cut an acre of grass every week in addition to cooking and cleaning and laundry and we have a dog and two cats and 4 people in this house.

Then you wouldn’t walk in here and find me in tears because you said that I’m not being myself and everyone notices that I’m walking on eggshells. That I’m “killing us” because I don’t say what’s on my mind.

Because if I could explain all of that to you, then we could laugh about the fact that my cheeks are wet and we’re out of tissues because those hormones went apeshit again just when I heard that song on the radio. We could celebrate my going out to get the mail without putting on a baseball cap in case someone drives by. We could smile and laugh when 24 brings his friends over for tacos instead of my wondering, “Am I being normal now? How about now?”

But, no, because you wouldn’t stop and think about what I said the day I told you that I was feeling overwhelmed by life, I am sitting up here crying again, and you’re down there banging things around to get ready to feed the masses. Or maybe I’m sitting here crying because you did think about it and just didn’t care.

—- I wasn’t going to post this, except my friend Candy sent me an email, “What good is having a blog if you can’t blog about it :)”. And since she needs to know what she’s getting into when we get married, I know she is exactly right, I did. Thanks sweetie. XX —-

I was listening to Napster’s “One Hit Wonders” playlist today and having a great deal of fun with it.

So, here’s a little quiz. Match the numbered song with the lettered artist One Hit Wonder.

The Songs
1. Play That Funky Music
2. Sunglasses at Night
3. Naked Eye
4. I Know What Boys Like
5. Gloria
6. Pop Muzik
7. Barbie Girl
8. Seasons in the Sun
9. Dueling Banjos
10. Come On Eileen
11. I Touch Myself
12. She’s So High

The Artists
A. Eric Weissberg
B. Aqua
C. The Waitresses
D. Laura Branigan
E. Luscious Jackson
F. Deniece Williams Edited: Terry Jacks*
G. M
H. The Divinyls
I. Corey Hart
J. Wild Cherry
K. Tal Bachman
L. Dexy’s Midnight Runners

No prizes except my undying devotion. Leave your answers in the comments.

*Note to self: Do NOT come up with quizzes where you have to flip back and forth from one tab to the next after having 3 vodka lemonades. You WILL fuck up. Thanks Sarah.

For Wordless Wednesday?

Mr. Hot and I were sitting out on the front porch, reading and enjoying the soft pitter patter of the rain. Suddenly, we had a torrential downpour on our hands that threatened to send us inside. Luckily, the wind was blowing in the proper direction (i.e. NOT blowing in onto us).

Ten minutes later, I noticed a bluing of the sky:

The bluing got bigger:

And uncovered even more of the thunderheads beneath:

I took the opportunity to snap some other pictures of my freshly bathed garden -

Out of focus, but a load of marigolds:

My gorgeous Shasta Daisys waiting for their friends, the Black-eyed Susans to join them:

and my cute little chickadee with the Coreopsis (yellow) and perennial Geranium (purple):

—- I guess this is technically a Nearly Wordless Wednesday. I came in to upload these photos and the heavens opened up again. Guess Mr. Hot will know to come in out of the rain? —-