Jul 01 2008
Brilliant Ideas
Do you ever wonder about “brilliant ideas”?
Don’t think of “wonderful inventions” or “life-saving devices” or even “I don’t know how we lived without that!” Think “brilliant idea” in that “dripping with sarcasm” voice -
- like when your sister decided that it was a “brilliant idea” to give your son one of those books with the buttons on the side that make noises for certain words? And a drum. And a toy ambulance that makes “REALISTIC SOUNDS!”
- like when your 16-year-old brother discovered the joy of “vodka watermelon - prepared by boring a hole into a watermelon, pouring a bottle of vodka into the hole, refrigerating to an icy-cold freshness, and then enjoyed on a hot, humid day sitting in the sun on Belle Isle.
- like when you signed up for the Firecracker Mile which started at 8 oh-shit-it’s-early the morning after the “Best Next Door Neighbors in the World” had their annual 4th of July drunk-fest party. (Hey, I medaled. Mr. Hot, though, was trying to determine whether to just puke in the street or pretend he pulled a hammie about 1/4 mile in.)
- like when your 48-year-old husband decided he, too, could go down the ramp at the skate park with the neighborhood kids. Y’know - the big ramp. The one that even an 11-year-old that has been inline skating since his 4th birthday pauses at the top of? Yea, that one.*
Then there are the work-related “brilliant ideas”. Those things that make no sense to anyone at all. In fact, you’d have to try hard to even come up with something so asinine. Like today’s fun.
I received an email notifying me that our Accounts Payable department was missing one of the forms needed to process a $39.99 invoice that had been submitted for a partial month of DSL service for an ex-employee.
I picked up the phone and called the number at the bottom of the email. (The email which said, very clearly, “Do NOT reply to this email address” on it.)
Hi! This is the Hotfessional. I received an email regarding invoice #29853-42A for $39.99. It said you never received the SWTF form you need to process the invoice. I can send you an electronic copy of it - what’s the email address?
We don’t accept email copies of that form.
Oh, well, okay, I’ll fax it to you. What’s the fax #?
We don’t accept faxes either.
But I don’t have the original. It was sent to you and apparently got lost. I only have an electronic copy. The person that had the original is no longer with the company.
You can send what you have through Interoffice mail. We don’t need the original.
Wait. You don’t need the original? And you can send emails, but you can’t receive emails? You have a fax machine for expense reports, but I can’t fax you the SWTF form for a vendor invoice? You can accept a copy of a copy of a faxed copy, but only if you open an interoffice email envelope to get it. Which means I have to drive over to an office and ask someone to put it into Interoffice Mail. Then, after I get to create an expense account entry for the use of my personal vehicle, I have to fax you the expense report form to get reimbursed the mileage?
Yes ma’am.
And you don’t see anything strange about this?
No ma’am. That’s the way our process works.
That, my friends, is a brilliant idea, that process. Abso-fuckin-lutely brilliant.
So, I hopped in the car, headed over to an office nearby, and asked someone to stick the envelope into outgoing interoffice mail. Then I hopped back into my car and drove on home. Y’know, my HOME office, where they don’t come pick up interoffice mail?
Speaking of which, oh mah holy hell, y’all, I am writing a weekly column about working from home over at Blissfully Domestic - the online magazine devoted to, oh, everything. Come see my first article, look around at the other wonderful people who play there, and find some new friends.
—- *In order to provide proof that this really did happen, I am willing to show my husband’s thigh on the web. —-
HOT LOVE
Ouch, that thigh looks SORE! I’ve had worse though…
On my way over to check out your article!
Marylin’s last blog post..Zack is Officially Trained.
So, when Mr Hot did this “brilliant” thing, did you point out to him exactly how “brilliant” it was (kinda like an “I told you so” thing) LOL
That looks painful.
Goodness, that is almost more than just thigh.
barbra’s last blog post..Canada Day
Brilliant ideas indeed.
And ouch!
Veronica’s last blog post..A Mismatched Post and a Confession
That thigh? A-holy. A-Lord. Friggin’ ouch!
I love corporate bull-shit protocol. You’d think you MIGHT be able to avoid it while working from a home-office. Alas, hell no.
The Over-Thinker’s last blog post..Calling All Jane & John Doe’s!! Time to spill it.
Yep that thigh is messed up and what a brilliant system they have going! Freaking geniuses…
Talina’s last blog post..On fear and it’s impact on life.
Congratulations on your new gig! I just read the article and look forward to more. And that thigh? Um, ouch. What is it with dudes? My friends husband just shredded his achilles tendon by trying to push a Volkswagen up a hill. WTF?
Serendipitous Girl’s last blog post..All Things Considered
Congrats on the new writing gig!
I hope you told your husband that he’s a dumb ass. Many times.
Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..This morning before camp
Now when I go out on the racetrack with my motorcycle I wear racing leathers, race boots, leather race gloves and a helmet.
Gloves= 80$
Race boots= 150$
Helmet= 150$
Race leathers=400$-900$
The OH SHIT look on your husband’s face as he is about to crash hard. priceless.
Obi-son’s last blog post..Odd 2weeks keep going?
I love that they are willing to pay the mileage (at the current rates), over receiving a fax or an email. Makes perfect sense to me.
RC’s last blog post..New header for the blog
It’s amazing how much of our lives is wasted on red tape.
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Cheap, Easy and Delicious II
Gee. I gotta get John in here to see this. He slipped in some water on the floor at the store the other day and has a similar looking rub-burn looking thing on his knee cap. Only his is the size of a quarter. I don’t want to hear another word from him about how his knee hurts or how I have to get on top. The big pussy.
Krissa’s last blog post..Random thoughts and teenage horrormones (no, that’s not misspelled)
OUCH! That looks nasty! Hope the Mr. learned his lesson (probably not - - men never do . . .
)
Liz J in Central Illinois’s last blog post..The Doctor Says . . .
Make sure you turn in your TPS reports too.
bretthead’s last blog post..Future Rocket Scientist
Ouch.
Ouch for the office idiots and ouch for the staggering bruise.
magpie’s last blog post..Filch It Friday: I Say
That. Is. An. Awesome. Bruise!
Jenny’s last blog post..Saturday
Wow. Ree, you work with dumbasses. And (sorry to say) from that picture it looks like you might live with one too.
Wine, anyone?
daysgoby’s last blog post..the date, the garden, the cat
Crazy procedures. Just crazy!
And…OUCH! Poor Mr. Hot! I hope you gave him a large ice pack along with a side dish of “I told you so!” for that one.
Kim’s last blog post..Birthday Recap
Holy crap that bruise looks horrible!! However, if my husband did that, I’d crack up laughing.
That is one thing I don’t miss about working..all the stupid procedures you have to follow. It is good to have them, else chaos would ensue. But sometimes it is the processes and procedures that cause the chaos.
But I had an interview yesterday, I am crossing my fingers.
Jacki’s last blog post..But at least I didn’t sing
Another good example:
Someone did a $ix $igma project where they decided to not change our coolant out that year, (We NEVER change it… only freshen it up) then claimed they saved the company $1,000,000 or something ridiculous because he did a project on what we normally do. For real. Good job genius.
The Cubicle’s Backporch’s last blog post..Convo with home-insurance guy.
TCB: Six Sigma - lmao!!! we had a couple guys here for a while with that program too! lovely isn’t it?!
Daysgoby: you had me ROLLING!!!
Hot: I hate to say it but men NEVER learn. My stepfather cracked a rib being a dumbass in a pool area one early morning. At least I was there. Dummy could have drowned and he knows how to swim. The work bullshit - absolutely, undoubtedly, fucking useless. See there is a reason to be happy that you won’t be working with them much longer.
Wbppsh7’s last blog post..Last two weeks
Owwwie!! Oh… and the vodka watermelon thing… TOTALLY rocks. Just trust me. But I am sure you already know that.
flutterby’s last blog post..Birth Control via Television
Wow - what a mighty bruise! You just have to be impressed by the ability to even GET that bruised! I crashed my bike a couple of days ago and all my bruises together are not that large. Applause to Mr. Hott.
(And I’m sure it is tough to be a middle aged guy and look cool crashing at a skatepark, but at least people are expecting it. When you are a middle aged chick crashing your bike on the street, people line up to gawk at you. Not help, mind you; just stare in shock and amazement that a supposedly adult person would be out in such an ugly spandex outfit with an ass that large and lying on the ground, clipped to her bike and struggling to reach water bottles before they can roll into traffic. I was actually totally fine, the bike was essentially fine, and I peddled off, secure in the knowledge that I had done my good deed for the day by giving a large number of people a “you wouldn’t believe the dumbass I saw today!” story to tell later. Yay me!)
Oh, and since I posted the other day a quick sketch of my neighbors - when I arrived home from crashing (bleeding only slightly, but feeling heroic nonetheless), the ten year old next door had an ax and was using it to chop holes in their shed. I guess the gaping holes that are now decorating the back are good ventilation? You know, for the squirrels, raccoons, and possums we have in the neighborhood - in case they were having troubling getting in and out of the shed. The excitement never ends here!
Congrats on the gig!
And also, the watermelon thing is a brilliant idea.
Kristabella’s last blog post..It’s Canada Day
That is an awful bruise! Poor dumb husband.
If it makes you feel any better, one of my funders (coughcough a state agency coughcough) just claimed not to have approx 3 years worth of our records. Hmm… if everything has been going fine for the past 3 years, all the paperwork is in order and WE have records of all of the paperwork… MAYBE you lost the file, no?
Of course not! It’s clearly OUR fault.
Laurel’s last blog post..Robots Make It All Better
Hey, Mr. Hot has nice legs!!! That bruise on the leg will, BTW, fade much faster than the bruise to his ego, trust me.
Oh, and process? Uh huh. Been there, shook my head over it, and filed an expense report, complete with a partial per diem for the energy bar that was required to stave off my frustration while driving to the office. Take that, you process!
charlotte’s last blog post..From the desk of …
This is a brilliant decision: All day long I talk on the phone and by email about our #1 brand that we represent to our industry. ALL DAY LONG. There is a “mandatory” meeting at the factory in Boston regarding training.. yet I wasn’t asked to go.. They keep telling me I’ll go to the factory ever since I’ve started here..WTF..Brilliant decision.
Husband has a very sexy bruise..
Vodka Watermelon..YUMMMM
mp’s last blog post..The new haircut
I’m with Kristabella - watermelon + vodka = Heaven with less calories??? Or can we say healthy cocktails?? Tell Mr. Hot that he might need some ice for that bruise - tres nasty and looks painful.
Brilliant ideas - don’t get me started. I work with a cast of “brilliants” *ahem*
Yippee - new places to visit - will bookmark for this week after I’m done with archiving hell. Congrats!!! And, of course, this header I think is my favorite to date.
Lys’s last blog post..Rockin’ On My iPod This Morning…
Admit it, you beat Mr. Hot with a baseball bat. But just in case the skateboard ramp isn’t just an interesting cover story — exactly where in the process did he fall? At the top? The end? In the middle of a 360?
Dingo’s last blog post..I’ll Make My Own Lemonade
that bruise, hot my darling… is derby worthy. congrats.
zeghsy’s last blog post..happy birthday monkey!
Now that is a bruise…and a pretty racy shot!
I left the corporate world for the very bullshit you write about. Now it’s just me, and I don’t aspire to hang a sign and hire people.
Sounds like accounts payable offices are the same everywhere.
Idiots.
Julie’s last blog post..Guest Post #6- To Sleep Perchance to Dream
First let me say, BELL ISLE ROCKS!!!!! I haven’t been there in years but my fam is from Detroit and I used to go all the time.
Your husband’s brilliant idea- though painful- was cool. I sometimes wish I had the guts to do something so crazy.
Office stupidity is by far the worse kind. LOL
Kristina Brooke’s last blog post..The Importance of Comments
1) OUCH!!
2) I hate, detest, abso-frickin-lutely cannot STAND the brainlessness of corporate think-tank reasoning. And we wonder why we’re in such a state of affairs in this country!
Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..Arte Y Pico….that just sounds pretty
How asinine. And I work in government.
Also, I had a bruise in a similar place once when I got hit point blank with a paintball pellet. Except mine was red in the middle, then turned shades of purple and blue. It was quite pretty.
Recertifying my lifeguarding award two days later was not fun mind you.
I don’t paintball any more.
Nicole’s last blog post..Overheard - Two Conversations
I had a comment.. but I was distracted by the awesomeness of Annies comment and totally lost my train of thought..
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Mystery revealed..
ouch ouch ouch ouch…
that’s so hurting….but um you mean the old guys shouldn’t do things like get into the mosh pit maybe? *I can’t post pictures but he’s limping, stiff and sore*
Carrie’s last blog post..back.
I like being “Auntie Mame” to my friend’s kids. I sent a plush race car that included car alarm and engine turning over sounds. While her kid was initially disappointed the wheels didn’t turn, it pleased him to no end when he discovered the sound chip.
Jane did not find me brilliant
zak’s last blog post..The End of the road with your life coach