Jul 08 2008
Sigh.
I honestly don’t know which of these is the most painful:
- Sitting through a meeting rehashing something that you thought was agreed to months ago and then finding out, an hour into the meeting, that the other person didn’t understand the difference between “A” and “B”, and so now DOESN’T agree to anything. At all.
- Slamming your hand in the car door.
- Running out of vodka.
- An hour-long workout after taking two months off.
Can you guess which one of those four things I HAVEN’T faced today. No, seriously, y’all. There’s four very painful things up there. Guess which one hasn’t happened!
{{waiting}} {{waiting}} {{waiting}} {{waiting}} {{waiting}}
Okay! Who guessed that the Hotfessional has NOT slammed her hand in a car door?
ding ding ding ding ding!
You win.
Everything else? Yes.
Fuck a duck y’all.
I’ve been working with a team made up of process experts (kill.me.now.) since March. I “own” a document that covers this process from beginning to end - meaning I have to add/delete/change/spindle/mutilate the flowchart (remember those?) whenever someone from the team figures out that “X won’t work” or “Z can’t happen.”
This process is supposed to be completed/frozen/communicated/blessed/approved on Friday. I’ve spent the last three business days not reading blogs/not writing blogs/not twittering/not IM’ing/not spying on my neighbors, but working my ass off to get this thing finished. And I was almost there. I was soooooo close. I was moaning saying, “Yes! Yes! Yes! Don’t stop!”
And then, today, someone essentially said, “Five doesn’t equal five. Five really equals ten.” (Kinda like running out of batteries midstream having your three year old catch you in the act.)
And the rest of us were all, “Huh? But five DOES equal five. Five doesn’t equal ten. Five equaled five in April. And in May, and in June. What’s so fuckin’ different about July? Huh?”
So now, I have to change that mutha-effin’ document again - or jump out the window.
Which won’t kill me because I’m only on the second floor. That is, if I could open the window with the pain in my arms from the forty-twelve curls I did. Or if I could raise my leg high enough to get out onto the ledge after the seventy-eleven squats and lunges.
I can barely squat down to sit on the freakin’ toilet to, ehem, relieve myself. Which means I can’t drink beer or wine, because they make me have to pee. Every 10 minutes.
And I’m outta vodka.
—- Sigh. —-
HOT LOVE
oh mah holy hell woman! Should we drink some vodka FOR you? Methinks getting your hand slammed in a car door would be less painful than that work thing you got going there. And mess frustrating!
motherofbun’s last blog post..May the ?farce? be with you
Suck it up, girl! No, I really mean that. Suck up the vodka. All will be better. Give into the nice buzz working from your head to your toes. You are getting sleeepppyyy….sleeepppyyyy….
Dingo’s last blog post..I’ve Gathered Moss
How about chocolate instead? It’s not vodka, but it doesn’t make you pee. Now that would be a great tagline for Nestle or Hershey. I knew I worked in marketing for a reason.
+1 for chocolate.
Nelly-hugs to you.
Solomon’s last blog post..The “Things I’m Grateful For” July contest - Starts July 1st!
i had some vodka last night. does that help? i won’t be drinking again until friday either… that will have to help. sorry.
zeghsy’s last blog post..ma shoes!
Dammit… FIVE EQUALS FIVE!
I’m sorry. But whatever you do, don’t jump out the window. I really need a resolution to the Neighbor Saga.
AmyM’s last blog post..not moving
I can’t marry a woman who can’t manage her vodka. How on earth could you let something like that happen?
Candy’s last blog post..Going to the chapel
chocolate….chocolate doesn’t make you pee…
Carrie’s last blog post..Just Scream.
I just KNOW that there is some other kind of alcohol in your house. For a day like today, almost anything will do.
Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..Richard the Hair God ? read this!
After all that I bet you now wish you had slammed your hand in the car door (instead of all the other things, not in addition too) . And you should start medicating with chocolate.
Improvise on the alcohol situ! (Or tell 24 to go out and pick you up some Vodka - or swipe his Cuervo). When it comes to dire need of alcohol, one must be like McGuyver and improvise, no?
I thought “I know Hot didn’t slam her hand in the door - she’d be hard pressed to type” - but I go with the other votes and say “Chocolate works in a pinch”.
And what the heck are they waiting for to switch your flowchart/sheetthingy AGAIN at LAST minute. I swear you HAVE to work with lawyer wanna bes.
Hang in there!
Lys’s last blog post..The 80s - Revisited Under Duress…
Oh man, someone should be made to get you some vodka. That is just horrible. Do any liquor stores deliver? Wouldn’t that crack up your neighbors- vodka delivery!
ilinap, I know people at the Hershey corp, I am so recommending your new slogan. “It’s not vodka, but it doesn’t make you pee.” They are definitely going to want to snap that up. Look for it on a Hershey Bar package soon!
Jess in MA’s last blog post..Guilt Monkeys
You ran out of vodka?????
How in the name of everything precious did that happen?
I thought you bought in bulk.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Eggs
Know what’s funny? I could qualify for ALL of those on some days. Freakin freakedy freak. I love the header and, well, just about everything; except the part where you can’t drink vodka. I am taking a break from alcohol this week due to the last two weeks of events that have involved it and left me with a bloated-booze-filled gut. We’ll see how long that lasts. Did I mention I am going on vacay on Thurs, yep… I’m doomed. Better luck to you!
Lindz’s last blog post..A really long time.
I feel your pain. Differently and with a full supply of vodkas in multiple flavors, but otherwise, I feel your pain. Thank God for vodka. You are welcome to drink with me until you replenish.
maggies mind’s last blog post..Over the Rainbow, Somewhere
Um. I’m known as a “process expert,” muahaha. And you know what? Process sucks when it’s run by dipshits (which would be about 98% of the people who run process management in corporations).
See, I voted for running out of vodka. And by the end of your post, I found out that I was right, after all (can you tell how much I care about your hand? Ummmm …)
Alrighty, then, my dear, keep your chin up. I’ve been in exactly the same i-work-with-idiots situation multiple times. Only that those idiots had more seniority and I was relegated to “yessirofcoursesir” most of the time. May your final document be blessed by the idiots!
Have Mr. Hot or 24 fix you a vodka and limeade. Have a flexible straw in the drink - - that way you don’t have to go through the pain of lifting the glass, you can just sip it through the straw. Practically painless!
Liz J in Central Illinois’s last blog post..Happy 4th of July!
OHHHHHHH - the first time I boxed I couldn’t sit anywhere and that’s including the toilet… those last two inches nearly killed me so I stopped drinking water.
As for NO Vodka.
*shudder*
Don’t even speak such scary words.
But I’m glad you’re back at the workouts.
Jenny’s last blog post..Tuesday
I’m out of vodka, too. My white russians are being tricked into thinking they’re not just Kahlua and creams with the addition of soda water.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..Double Whammy
Ugh. Ugh. Yuck. and Ugh.
I would send you an icy bottle of Grey Goose if I could.
Working out after an absence blows hardcore.
I hope your night/day/week gets better.
rachel’s last blog post..Mouthwatering Monday: Curry Chicken With Rice
Hmm…running out of vodka can’t be good. My vote is send Mr Hot out to buy more. LOL
You know, Ree, you just inspired me to write up my latest idiot-at-work story. Thanks much! I needed material for today’s blog post.
charlotte’s last blog post..Nuts and balls
Well… I’ve been working on a system specification document now for… 18 months and counting, I think. With 12 engineers, covering 3 departments, all about a moving target.
Word to the wise - buy it by the CASE, sweetie. The CASE.
Chris’s last blog post..How to teach a 2 year old to speak…
I am normally very optimistic, but am beginning to think it can’t get any worse than running out of vodka…
SURELY you are making that part up?
Krissa’s last blog post..Oh my
And here I was with slamming your hand in a car door being the most painful.
Am glad that it didn’t happen.
The rest though? Sucks.
Veronica’s last blog post..Results
Sweetie, I had a similar day. But I fucking DELETED my own flowchart… oh yes I did.
But I didn’t run out of Vodka.
Wanna come and share some of mine?
Kelley’s last blog post..Mosh!
I hate it when I need to drink something in order to relax and then find out there is nothing stronger than coke in the fridge. And that usually happens after the ABC store has closed.
Jacki’s last blog post..The countdown has begun
I totally guessed that you didn’t slam your hand in the door. I feel special.
But I also feel your pain… working with dumbasses sucks. Shove your 5-inch stilleto up their asses and then tell them to say that five = ten… dare them. I bet they won’t:)
Angel’s last blog post..Lost and Found
I would rather slam my hand in the car door than to run out of booze in the house!!
Yuck, and I thought my last two weeks here sucked donkey balls.
Glad the hand is good though, but I don’t think it overrides the rest. Get out of the house for a bit and by your vodka. Come back and get crackin’. Eventually Five will equal 15 and everyone will be happy.
Wbppsh7’s last blog post..Oh, another couple things
I HAVE slammed my hand in the car door. And I had locked it before doing so… so yes, imagine shrieking while trying to unlock the bloody door to get your poor mangled hand out….
Yah. Hurts A LOT. So if the other items on the list equal that… oh honey, I feel for ya. =)
Go buy more vodka.
Twisting Ivy’s last blog post..Risks, Rants, and Reflections
Get thee to the liquor store, ASAP. And bring some to the next rehash-fest meeting.
Laurel’s last blog post..Sisterhood Wedding Weekend
Well, I was hoping it was “Hasn’t slammed her hand in a car door”, so there’s that. Your work stuff sounds like a total pain in the ass.
Shelly’s last blog post..Beating a Dead Horse
Time to send one of the penis-bearing members of the household to the liquor store pronto! (or you probably get it at the grocery store in your state). Maybe the only way to cope with the uber smart thinkers you’re dealing with may be to ’show up’ drunk. At least if you’re incapacitated you’ll be on a level playing field with them.
Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..Two For Flinching
That’s like our VP who left on Monday and got her paperwork from HR with a completely different monetary value to her severance, like HALF of what it was supposed to be, what she was told months ago. And they just thought she’d be all “OK. You fired me and screwed me out of money. I am totally OK with that.”
NOT.
Kristabella’s last blog post..Jesus Juice
I totally get you. Buy it by the case like I do my wine.
I hate it when the booze bottles are dry. Sonofa!!!! Make those XY people go hunt and gather vodka for you. They’re genetically wired for that kind of shit. I mean, that kind of Highly Technical Very Manly Task. Yeah. That.
Pamela’s last blog post..one more for the resume’
I think running out of vodka is the worst because it helps you get through all of the others!!
Oof. That’s not good. I think maybe the car door thing might have been better than any one of those. Especially the vodka.
Momma Bean’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: 4th of July Weekend