Aug 01 2008
Perfect Post - July
I spent some quality alone time with Mr. Hot the past couple of days. We stared at each other. A lot.
At times, the staring was of the “What else is there to possibly say after nearly 18 years together?” variety. Other times, it had the sense of “I can’t believe we’re still so much in love.” And then, of course, there were the “Gawd, stop with the farting already!” looks.
We talked, too. Mr. Hot is coming to terms with the fact that 24 (his son, my stepson) and he have nothing in common. And, as much as I’ve complained about 24 here, he’s a good kid. A bit immature (okay, a bunch immature), but working hard at two jobs and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of his life. Grad school? Peace Corps? It’s yet to be determined, but one way or another, we’ll be there for him.
Now, I haven’t actually said it in so many words, but as many of you know, and others have probably surmised, 24 is gay.
We’ve suspected since the time he was a teenager. A young teenager. And when he came out to his father and me late last year, it was no surprise. Shortman wasn’t surprised. Of course, we love him no less. The fact that we laugh about the fact that he is such a DIVA has nothing to do with his sexual preference. We’d laugh about the organic and the products no matter what. Seriously. The expensive shampoo sitting in our shower and the 10 step skincare regime on the counter? Foreign to the Suave and Ivory soap crowd.
There is one thing though. Mr. Hot and I, even through our non-traditional courtship and engagement, never had to worry (once our respective divorces were final) that we COULD get married. There was no law that prevented it from happening.
24 won’t have that luxury. Not in the world we live in today. At least in the majority of our country. The country that was founded on the idea that “All men are created equal.” Remember the whole “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”? What could make someone more happy than finding the special person with whom they want to spend the rest of their life?
(Of course, right now, Mr. Hot is again pontificating on politics, and I may shove my laptop up his nose - but still. I love him. He’s just annoying.)
I would love for 24 to find his own Mr. Hot. Not only find him, but be able to stand in front of friends and family and declare, “For better or for worse. For richer, for poorer. With organic products or the cheap stuff. In sickness and in health.”
So, when I read this post by Magpie, it brought it all home to me. Home in a way that it never had before.
Thanks Magpie. For pointing out:
In many ways, marriage qua marriage is unfair to those who can’t be married, or don’t want those legal ties. Marriage provides a construct for many valuable spousal rights – including social security benefits, exemptions on estate taxes, access to health insurance policies, visiting privileges in jail, etc.
I’m handing over the July Perfect Post Award. Go read this post. Read it and think about it this November. Please?
(I only wish I could give her commenters the Perfect Post award too.)
—- Thanks to Kimberly at Petroville and Lindsay at Suburban Turmoil for providing the Perfect Post awards. Check out the other winners at their sites, and think about signing up next month to award your favorite post for August. —-
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Thanks for directing us to Magpie’s post. It was a great reminder of all the obstacles that are still faced in that fight, and how incredibly ridiculous some of the laws are. I now find myself in a job situation where the majority of my colleagues vehemently disagree with me on this issue. Its nice to have a post to turn to when I need a little more backbone in standing up for what’s right.
tutugirl1345’s last blog post..How often do you compliment yourself?
Excellent post — yours and Magpie’s. In spite of the fact that about 30% of the men I work with (and, it’s only men) are gay, I didn’t pick up your clues about 24. Usually, I’m much more perceptive. I’m glad 24 has you and Mr. Hot and that you’re supportive — several of the men I work with didn’t get that kind of support when they came out to their parents.
Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..Coach
Some of my best friends in the world and greatest people I know happen to be gay men, and you can bet your life that when John & Gary (who have been together for 20 years) get married this October, I’ll likely be happier for them than I have been for any other couple. It’s not just the right to marry each other and the spousal rights that come along with it. The commitment to each other is just as powerful as it ever was and more BECAUSE THEY CAN. Great post– yours and Magpie’s…!
Jules
House of Jules
HouseofJules’s last blog post..If you weren’t such great people, your timeless love would make me sick
I never would have guessed from your posts that he’s gay. I lived with a gay man for awhile and learned there is nothing typical. Also there’s my straight brother who’s belt always has to match his watchband and shoes. And everyone’s into organic stuff these days.
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Little Miss Sunshine
Thanks Ree. Much appreciated, and now I know better why you were so moved.
http://jason-thejasonshow.blogspot.com/search/label/out%20and%20proud
Jason got married to his Mr Hot..
I think that it is VERY important that it be legal, espcially for medical reasons..
mp’s last blog post..Bathroom Update, Hotels and Feeling Sorry for Myself
Great post, great parenting.
melissa’s last blog post..An update, a favor, a beginning
Great post - it is an inequity that needs to be fixed. It honestly makes me tired to think that it is such a huge issue for so many people to just let every one who loves and wants to commit in a relationship recognized by the authorities that be have equal rights. All we can do is write about it - great job.
anymommy’s last blog post..Just One Year
My beloved younger brother is gay - “married” to a wonderful man and their wedding (sadly, not legal) was one of the nicest I’ve ever attended. He came out about the same age as your 24 and while it wasn’t the news any parent wants to hear, I give my parents a lot of credit on how they handled it; with love and no judgment. We’ve always been a close family and unlike some families, this did not change the fabric of who we were/are. I worried about his personal safety when he was younger and now I’m just angry every time I read that some A-Hole has blocked legal marriages for non-heterosexuals. Or when I hear careless jokes.
I think being a young adult in this current world (regardless of sexual preference) is difficult. It sounds like he has a good foundation and that will serve him well.
Have a great weekend Ree!
Jenny’s last blog post..Gone in Sixty Seconds
I am glad that 24 has such supportive family members. A lot of gay men and women don’t have that, and that just makes it even more difficult for them.
I have many, many gay friends, and their sexual preference has never bothered me. That has no bearing on whether or not you are a good person, and that’s what really matters, right?
Great post, Ree!
Liz J in Central Illinois’s last blog post..It’s Almost Celebration Time!
Amen. Amen. Amen.
Nothing more to say, you’ve said it perfectly.
Nancy’s last blog post..Pros and Cons
THANK YOU for posting this. My friend Wade was in the military and then a cop. He fought for and protected rights he does not have. Wade and his partner Jimmy have been together for 17 years. They were able to be married for a few months in Portland a few years ago before it got over turned. It PISSES me off to no end that we’re not THERE yet. It’s LOVE people, that’s all it is. Deal with it.
Serendipitous Girl’s last blog post..And the Award Goes To …
Ree- My bro is gay. He spends like $800 a month on personal care products. OMFG. LOL! I feel your pain! ;D 24’s young though. I think gay men take a little longer to find Mr Right because off all the homophobic shit in our society. Don’t worry. He’ll find his Mr Hot.
imhelendt’s last blog post..Slap Fest
The whole marriage thing makes me mad. I think the main issue that people are trying to combine religion and politics. I don’t care what the bible says about marriage, it should not dictate our laws about who can and cannot marry- bottom line! Not everyone follows the bible you know.
We allow people to warship however they see fit and other religions are allowed in this country but when it comes to abortion and gay rights we are just being forced to abide by one religions rules on the matter, that is just not fair and it is just a result of fear.
Hey lawmakers and politicians, quit shoving YOUR religion down everyone’s throat!!
Okay, rant over- sorry this is something that makes me a bit upset.
Talina’s last blog post..31 days till we leave Arizona…
Great post! (As was Magpie’s.) I’m so happy to be living in a state where gay marriages are allowed, and I really do think we all will be, soon.
P.S. LOVE the new header, too!
Madmad’s last blog post..Follow me!
24 is lucky in many ways. you and mr hot and shortman are part of it.. and i will indeed continue to follow my heart in this area, and support equal rights.
my family, being new orleans southern, is chock-a-block with gay men (and a few women) which makes me go with the born not made belief.
as far as them not having anything in common… neither does theex and either of our sons… that’s just the way it goes, sometimes. they will, i hope, work out something in the relationship area.
as far as 24 goes–i still laugh over the products, applaud his thoughts of going into the peace corps
and i’m thrilled i have the internet again… i can keep up.
quin browne’s last blog post..He Listened
Great post, Ree.
It makes me very glad to live in Massachusetts. It’s my hope that one day the whole country will see the light and come to their senses about this issue.
Major Bedhead’s last blog post..Because I Like Bandwagons
Here, Here! I cannot believe in 2008, people who love each other are not allowed to be married.
It’s not like the straight sect hasn’t bastardized marriage and made a mockery of it.
I’d think the government would want anybody who wants to be married to have that right. Why? Because it pumps tons of money into the economy. Think how many EXTRAVAGANT weddings there would be. Expensive honeymoons. Gifts. If/When they split? More money into the economy. Lawyers will take their money for a divorce and spend that money on homes, cars, food, clothing.
It’s good business and economic sense. Plain and simple.
Oh, and it’s the right thing to do. Whatever happened to separation of church and state?
Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..Lack of Posts is NOT a Sign that I Have Nothing to Say
Ree! Thank you for commenting on one of my wedding blogs. Now that I’ve taken a look at this post and your blog, I see I have a friend in you.
Thank God that the gay population has so many fantastic friends like you. You’re the ones who will really make a difference for others when all is said and done. You know, I have very few gay friends, actually, but with so many great friends that seem to be so similar to you, it doesn’t really matter!
I wish you and your Mr. Hot and 24 smooth roads ahead. And now I’m off to add you to my blog roll.
24 is so very lucky to have parents like you and the husband. If I came out to my parents, my mom would start moaning about how she wasn’t going to get grandkids (like I’d inflict her on them anyway
) and my dad would probably go back to reading the newspaper. Actually, he would probably continue reading the newspaper in the first instance, the only thing that can drag him away from the written word being toilet breaks and food.
I’ve always been pro “letting people do whatever they want to do as long as it hurts nobody else”. I personally can’t see myself ever getting married, but I would like to think that I would have the right to do so, should I want to.
I think the fact that somewhere like America, that purports to be the home of the free, etc, doesn’t allow gay marriage shocks me more than somewhere that gives it’s citizens fewer rights. It’s not like people are asking for the right to go out and hurt other people. They just want to get married. What’s the issue? OK, it’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want other people to not have the right to do it.
Maybe I’m just a Pollyanna, but I don’t see why we all can’t just get along. Then again, all I have to do is go to work and deal with Joe Public for 5 minutes to realise that that’s never going to happen.
Oh, and 24? A 10 step skincare regime? You’re taking it a little too far, honey. All that stuff just takes the spring out of your skin over the years, anyway. Try a dab of honey while you’re soaking in the bath - it works wonders.
Solomon’s last blog post..Drum Roll Please!!!!
[...] as a Hotfessional who needs yet another award for her Hot Awards shelf. This is for her shining grace, beauty, and wicked sense of [...]
Well, 24 is still young. And I’m optimistic that other states will follow California’s lead.
And if not, at least he can be happy being who he is in front of his parents.
Kristabella’s last blog post..Mother Nature: Providing Drama Since The Dawn Of Time
Let me put this out there—if there’s anybody out there that would like to be married by a Minnesota gal that got ordained online and now goes by Reverend/Mystical Woman/Guru…just let me know and I’ll do the ceremony. Just tell me if you want it to be the “glitter ceremony” or the “non-glitter ceremony” Both are fabulous and totally classy. Like Ree
P.S. OBAMA
The Over-Thinker’s last blog post..Hey! Look over there! A post!