Aug 21 2008
Self Discoveries in Blogging
There are days where I finish my workday, slam down the phone, log off my computer and know, absolutely, that I am not going to sleep that night. Something will have happened during a meeting, or in an email, that sends me into a tailspin of anger or helplessness; something that is so wrong or unfair or just plain fucked up; I know that it will eat at my brain all night.
Yesterday, I sat in on someone else’s staff meeting. Someone I’ve written about before. I don’t want to bore you with all of the sordid details, but after the first 10 minutes of listening to her voice, I was seriously pissed. After 45 minutes, I was trying to figure out if there was some way I could voodoo doll her from afar. (witchypoo? I can sew a emaciated blond if you can tell me what to do once I get it made!)
After 60 minutes, when she essentially insulted the State of Michigan (it’s okay if I insult my home state but I’ll be damned if someone else is going to) - I briefly considered putting up a billboard on the Dan Ryan explaining my theories on… well, never mind. Imagine it, if you will.
So, by the time I actually finished my workday, I was, um, more than slightly agitated. And that’s an understatement.
I stormed into the bathroom, brushed my teeth…moved to my bedroom and threw on some jeans…put on my cute shoes and that green headscarf…kissed Mr. Hot goodbye, and headed out to meet with these two:
Nancy @ MarieMillard and MommyTime from MommysMartini.
We had a wonderful time. The waiter, I’m sure, was a bit peeved surprised that we sat down at 7 and didn’t get up until nearly 10:30 (especially when the walk-ups had a 45 to 60-minute wait for a table…Ooops!). There was not a moment of silence during that 3 and a-half hour period unless we all happened to gulp sip our martinis at the same time or shovel daintily spoon our meals into our mouths.
After I threatened to follow MommyTime to her house followed MommyTime back to the right road and we waved “farewell for now!” from our cars, I got to thinking about girlfriends. Real honest-to-gawd girlfriends, not just “women in your life”.
Have I mentioned that my closest friends - with very, very few exceptions - have always been of the XY chromosome type? My house is full of them. I work almost exclusively with men. Testosterone clouds hang over my head.
My “oldest” friend - with whom I’m still in contact and have been for 26 years - is female, but she lives on the other side of the country. My unfortunate experience with girlfriends in my younger days was that we lost contact for stupid reasons - jealousy in some form or imagined slights. As an adult - a married adult with children - there simply haven’t been many women in my life.
Shortman’s friends’ mothers? Most of them had lived in the area for their entire life - they had circles of friends built when they were in school, or newly married…nice women, but not “pour your heart out to” girlfriends.
My cousins? Never that close. Too much history?
Women I worked with? Ha! Starting out in my career, there were no women. Now, the women I work with tend to be more like the one I described in the beginning of this post - out for themselves and only themselves.
But the peace I felt last night driving home - the grin on my face when I walked in the door (the one that made Mr. Hot say, “You need to do this more often.”) - the fact that I slept like a baby when I had expected that I would toss and turn until dawn - made me realize that I need girlfriends.
I need to laugh for hours. I need to be with breasts and hair and true confessions. I need to hug unselfconscious-ly and kiss cheeks. I need to share food and admire accomplishments where there isn’t any competition.
I need to feel the joy that I’ve had all day today. And I will - because I now know what I need.
—- Just think, if I hadn’t sat down one day and written this, it could have taken me years to realize what I was missing; what it was that caused this empty kind of space in my heart. Blogging made me understand something very important about myself. What self discoveries have you made lately? —-
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Wow.
Honey, you had fun. There is too little of that in this life. Grab as much of it as you can. My orders!
I’m just going to turn a nice shade of viridian, and slink away…
Solomon’s last blog post..Things I’m Grateful For on Thursday 21 August
Is she copping a feel?
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Australophilia
Female friends? What are those?
RC’s last blog post..Killing Kermit
What a lovely trio!
I hear what you’re saying about gal-pals. I don’t think one can have too many.
Tuli’s last blog post..Thrifty Thursday
I watched an interview where the interviewee described her girlfriend as a ‘friend of the soul’. she then went on to say that men had colleagues and/or buddies but that women needed to have a friend of the soul..
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Here, here Sister! If I could write half as eloquently as you, I could have written this post or a similar one. The friend I’ve had for the longest, who has stayed a friend, is of the XY variety. I have a few “semi-close” girlfriends, but there’s so much catty woman crap going on that it’s tough to wade through sometimes. Blogging has shown me that there are women out there who are like me. I’ve met one who lives close-by and we sit at the same table for 5 HOURS laughing and giggling as the waitress must wonder if she’s going to get a decent tip for all the other business she’s lost because of us. THAT is what life is about.
Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..In Response
SO glad you had fun! I know what ya mean about not doing that enough!
Last weekend was the first time in over a year I had been over to a girlfriend’s house for a few drinks. This weekend we’re going to watch X-factor together. I doubt we’ll hear much of it with all the chatter! I’ve really missed it.
Marylin’s last blog post..Been a little quiet here recently.
3.5 hours? Wow, where did that time go? I had a great time and yes, girlfriends are the oh-so-important ingredient in our lives. I’ve had more fun with my girlfriends over the past “single mom” years than I have on most dates with men.
Again… soon girlfriend!
Nancy’s last blog post..Lucky Cats
You need to come out here to Seattle so we can hang out!
imhelendt’s last blog post..Et tu, Brute?
Awww! That just made me want to squeeze my friends and hold them tight. If you ever move/come to Portland, I’d be at a table drinking martinis with you in a heartbeat! A lot of big realizations have come to the SSG lately–the biggest is letting go of the way I thought things “should be” and enjoying life right now for what it is. It’s HARDER than it sounds! xoxo, Becky
Serendipitous Girl’s last blog post..Haaaaat News!
Oh, YES! Absolutely! There’s a part of yourself that opens up when you’re with good women-company that doesn’t anytime else.
daysgoby’s last blog post..it’s worse when she goes to the dentist*
Would you PLEASE let me know the next time you are going to be in town? I will save you from O’Horror with martinis and food and girl-time.
i know - there’s something really nice about blogging friends - even when you’ve never met them.
Gosh, I don’t know about self discoveries… Haven’t been thinking that deeply these days. I know that I too am in need of girlfriends but I have the damnedest time finding them! Blogging seems to fill that void for me.
Talina’s last blog post..Count down, 12 days to go!
I wish I knew if there were any bloggers in my area. It seems there’s a kind of security in meeting online first that makes it easier to be friends. (for me anyway). Glad you had fun and wish I lived closer!
Shania’s last blog post..Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the news
It took me a while to figure it out too; but now that I have it is a huge priority.
I’ve been slowly coming to that same realization, I, too, get along better with men. However, I don’t know…something is just different…Glad ya’ll had a great time.
Carrie’s last blog post..Just because I want to post today…
Good for you. I’m glad you were reminded of this fact. Funny thing is. . . I need exactly the same thing as you.
*mwah* This is so smart as well as beautiful. It’s true that it can be really hard to make girlfriends once we get out of school…I find that there are a lot of women who are overly-skinny, too-polished, and much much too Important to associate with the likes of me. And then, I luck out, and have dinner with you. We MUST do this again sometime soon! Many hugs, my dear.
MommyTime’s last blog post..The Power of Place
I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve moaned about needing girlfriends - they’re just so hard to come by! And when you do find one, there’s always another more possessive friend calling dibs on her.
Glad you three had a fab time!
Lyvvie’s last blog post..Sweet Freedom!!
Umm.. My current discovery is that you have been living MY life, lol. I spent the last 14 years with no really close friends after we moved… everyone here had been here forever and I just always felt like an interloper. We talked and occasionally got together, but until this summer when daughter’s boyfriend’s mom and I hit it off… there wasn’t anything like really close whisper with your heads together so the hub can’t hear get way too drunk on vodka and listen to each other barf up toenails all night talk about your horrid moms because no one else gets how awful they are only to you no one else of course kind of FRIEND on a consistent basis. Everyone else lives too far to be like that with. So now we have a set *girl date* every Tuesday. Applebees Happy Hour… margaritas and cheap appetizers… no hubbies or surly teens allowed.
flutterby’s last blog post..In Between Boy and Man
My friend just told me the same thing the other day. She has “mommy friends” and “couple friends” but a select group of “real me friends” and what a gift that is. I’m glad you had a great night out with the estrogen crowd!
melissa’s last blog post..Whoppers, Urban Legends & Blatant Lies
That sounds wonderful! I agree - I need girlfriends, too. I have one friend who is a bit of a flake. And my hubby hates her. But I keep giving her second chances and stay friends with her because she “gets me”. Hub will never understand that, I’m afraid.
Shelly’s last blog post..Pay It Forward Prizes
Oh, sorry, voodoo is not in my repertoire. Friends, however, definitely are. And the blogging world holds many friends I’ve not yet met. Can’t have too many, can you?
witchypoo’s last blog post..Rolling with the Rellies
Honestly, today, in just reading three or four posts by other bloggers, including yourself, I have started to make a giant self-discovery and I may write about it soon, or I may not. It seems when I spew all of my epiphanies out on to the screen they loose their luster and become nothing more than garbled bullshit in the end and I forget about it and move on.
So, I want to hold onto today and the thoughts I have had and the promises I have made to myself. But, I owe my gratitude to fellow women bloggers who put it out there and made me think… you, and the others are my cyber-girlfriends that I really need:)
Angel’s last blog post..Have you ever?
I’m so glad you had fun! It’s important to get out and be a girl once in a while.
I feel ya on the needing more female friends. I haven’t had a real best girl friend in years. The person who claims to be my best friend is not. At least not how I define “best friend”, which I don’t think is all that different from how the rest of the world defines it.
AmyM’s last blog post..Surprise!
I am in awe at how well you describe my life to a T!
I love my job but there is one woman and if I didn’t need the info she has I wouldn’t care less but as it is… She only makes her self look foolish, our department look bad and I can’t do my job effectly.
I love my husband and most of the time he’s a good guy to hang out with.
But I NEED my girlfriends. To laugh with and cry with and vent with. They are the glue that holds my world together.
Your are a wonderful blogger and thank for being here to brighten up my day.
Love,
Heidi
What a group of happy faces. My old freinds are scattered across the country too and working for myself, I only interact with employees and customers. I’ve met some wonderful women at my gym and we have a monthly dinner that leaves me feeling feminine, happy and with the similar experience you had…. women (good women) can actually enhance our lives.
Blogging has connected me with more amazing people and I’m so happy that you took the time to reach out through the computer and actually sit down with them.
Jenny’s last blog post..Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
P.S. I’m reading the other comments - and I’m amazed at how we all yearn for the same connections. Wow.
Jenny’s last blog post..Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
I’ve made some great blogging friends and I can’t wait to meet each and every one. I am so glad you had a good time. Guys are great but there’s just something about having girlfriends that fills you with joy.
Dingo’s last blog post..New Addition
Amen and amen!
I was just thinking about this the other day, actually. About how in the past couple of years I’ve lost touch with several of my female friends and I miss that companionship. You just can’t talk about “female” things with guys. They don’t understand. I can’t walk up to Peter and tell him my boobs hurt and expect him to commiserate with me. He just offers to massage them.
Jacki’s last blog post..Reason #8 why I don’t do drugs
I have the same problem. I never really cultivated female friends, because I always said I liked men friends better. But as I get older, I realize that women - true, good, funny women - are the people I want to be surrounded by. With an occasional good-looking man dropped in the arena so we can all play Christians and Lions. Hur.
Candy’s last blog post..Altercation With The Crazees, Chapters V and 17
There’s nothing like having friends so close you can say ANYTHING about ANYTHING and they will get it. Including stuff about your husband and your kids that would make anyone else go TMI! TMI! and stop calling you and start avoiding you on the street. This is NECESSARY for our sanity and, as you point out, for a good night’s sleep. Enjoy it, sweetie, as often as your schedule permits!
Tina’s last blog post..Regarding that last post…
You look terrific! I love the green scarf - looks fab!
Good for you for going out with some time with the girlies. I have girlfriends, too, who are much like the XY type, so we get along nicely. XX type girls (i.e. squealy, catty, and generally annoying) make me want to dig my eyes out with a teaspoon.
Self discovery? Changes are good. Delegation is effing hard, but good. Family and friends-who-are-family-anyway are essential.
Sarah’s last blog post..A Change Will Do You Good: Part 2
Hi there! Just stopping by - saw your site on my friend Dee Marie’s site: http://deemarie917.blogspot.com/
Anyhoo - just read a few blogs and I think you’re hilarious! I have to post a comment on this particular blog -b/c I totally agree with you!
YOU NEED GOOD GIRLFRIENDS!!! And, like my momma always told me - I’ll be lucky if I have just one or two REAL girlfriends. Sure, I make friends pretty much wherever I go - ummm hello? I’m FABULOUS!! ha ha - but really, I have just ONE really really good girlfriend who knows all my “crap” and doesn’t judge or use it against me - and it’s the same with her. I was lucky enough to meet her at work - but she truly is my best friend!!
I’m glad you have your gal pals - like you, every night I get to go out with my friend - it’s a laugh fest and truly theraputic (sp) and I can forget all my other worries for a bit.
Go and have another Martini filled night with your BFF’s - you deserve it!
- Jill
Jill’s last blog post..Zoo B Do
It was pointed out to me last weekend that in the year I had known this lady, I had not once said a kind word about myself. I promote other people, other organizations, companies, etc. but I always am at fault or lacking in some way.
I seriously don’t need enemies when I live with myself. I also realize that talking to family members several times a week reinforces this behavior because they all do the same thing, in addtion to not being particularly emotionally supportive. So now I need to figure out how to limit family talks to once a week, so my negative enabling is limited, while still being financially supported by those folks while unemployed. . . yay! Hornets nest.
In an effort to try to be more positive, I’ve tackled another blogger’s challenge to share with the world why “you’re hot”. Thus, my hotness factors:
http://zakstar.wordpress.com/2008/08/25/why-im-hot/
zak’s last blog post..Why I’m hot
What an awesome post! I do think so often women are our own worst enemies - and it’s sad, because when the friendship is good it’s so good.
Madmad’s last blog post..Crazy, crazy, crazy and a little nuts, too
Hey, what’s up? I’m way behind on my feed reader, what of it?
I just wanted to say that I’ve been having the close friend issue as well. My 2 best friends don’t live here and I miss them like crazy. I have no one like them in Chicago. And then I think that some of my closest friends are people I’ve met online, some I haven’t even met face to face, but I feel closer to them than people I’ve known my whole life.
And also, the Dan Ryan has a wikipedia entry? I didn’t read it, but I’m sure it said “traffic constantly!”
Kristabellas last blog post..Bacon Crashes My Pity Party