Jul 01 2010
Maybe we need an exorcist
If you get skeeved out by the thoughts of horror stories and want to barf when you hear about grossness, then – by all means – shut down this page and move on to something with flowers and unicorns and sparkly rainbow prettiness. Today? This is not that place.
Not long after we’d purchased our apartment, moved in, met the other unit owners and formed the governing body (a.k.a. condo association) hereafter known as the Fort Chester Tiki Time Wine Club, we received an ominous email. It was from one of the owners who is renting out his unit.
My tenant believes there’s a mouse behind one of the walls. She can hear scratching.
Our response was, “Find the hole and set a trap.”
We heard nothing else until:
My tenant hasn’t heard any more scratching, but now there seems to be a strange smell coming from her laundry room. We think the mouse died.
We toasted the poor animal, hoped for a quick decomposition (better than tearing the walls out), and thought about sending flowers. Or air freshener.
Unfortunately, not long after THAT, one of the other members of the Fort Chester Tiki Time Wine Club (who lives ABOVE the tenant with the mouse odor problem) started hearing scratching over HER head. A pest control expert was called out. One roof climb and $200 later, he hypothesized that squirrels were getting in through broken ceramic tiles over the sunroom section on the south side of the building.
His visit resulted in the capture of one Rocky-type creature. After another $50 to cart the vermin away, we figured that the board of directors of the Fort Chester Tiki Time Wine Club condo association would simply have to find someone to patch the tiles before calling that little episode done.
Ha. Shows you what WE know.
The next email:
My tenant is complaining about swarms of flies coming from the area around where the smell was.
Oh mah holy hell, y’all. These flies? ARE HUGE. And there’s hundreds. And they’re taking over the building. They’re on the windows in the stairway. They’re congregating by the mailboxes. The tenant has shut herself in one room of the apartment and refuses to go in and out the front door.
Everyone on that side of the building (opposite our side, thank gawd) are battling the monsters.
The mouse? Was either as big as a squirrel or WAS a squirrel – and if you read about this while sipping your morning coffee, then you know what we believe is happening within the walls.
The Fort Chester Tiki Time Wine Club held an emergency meeting last night to approve the further expenditure of $900 to get rid of the fucking flies. We thought about changing the name of our group to The Amityville Horror Money Sucking Pit We Can’t Afford Wine Club.
—- If green snot starts oozing out of the walls, you’ll be able to hear my screams. —-
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The smell you can mask until decomp is over – the flies? Lord have mercy, unbearable!
Fannie´s last blog ..Currently Pissing Me Off
*shudders*
We’ve got a few flies around at the mo with the weather and doors/windows open, but it’s still only a handful… I remember staying at a place with my parents when I was about 14 and opening the curtains of my room to find literally thousands of flies there… it was horrific!
Marylin´s last blog ..Sunday Snippets 2
Ugh! That’s disgusting!
MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!
Kristabella´s last blog ..Cat Scratch Fever
I hate to say this, but if there are that many flies…. whatever it is was probably bigger than a squirrel.
Have any stains started showing up on the drywall? If so you know where to open it up and take everything out…
Last step, when everything is done, do a “smudge” with a smoking bundle of sage – not only gets rid of evil spirits but also is a nicer smell than something from a CSI lab.
Good luck!
Derende´s last blog ..Busy busy-
I can handle squirrels a lot better than mice, but am trying not to think about flies and maggots.
However, if you want to have some fun with the flies — and yes it is possible — I highly recommend this: http://jenontheedge.com/2009/06/22/eating-crow-and-swatting-flies/. I cannot tell you how satisfying it is to send bugs off to the Great Beyond.
Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..Pulling out my credit card in anticipation
hurglebleurgleblargh.
Fly paper really does help although that’s its own level of disgusting. I really really really hate flies. And I’m not letting myself think about how those flies are getting in your building.
I just had to move into a big apartment complex and now I have cockroaches. It’s the first time in my entire life that I’ve had roaches and it’s totally disgusting.
Major Bedhead´s last blog ..Paterfamilias
Oh, for the love of homeowners! Bless your heart! You surely know that there is no way the wine club can be disbanded! You all need wine now more than ever. As a matter of fact, you should charge for membership and I bet you could all could have that exterminator bill paid off in no time!
Krissa´s last blog ..The Chico Rooster
That’s it? I’m sure the smell and flies are horrible. I grew up on 400 head of cows. I have stories that will make you puke like Linda Blair. I do hope you get it cleaned up.
Milk River Madman´s last blog ..Top Chef DC – Week 3
Ewww…..thats pretty freaking gross. Imagine what is back there where the flies came from!
You know there are maggots at some point in the process, right? *shudder*
green girl in Wisconsin´s last blog ..why its a good idea to see Toy Story 3 at the drive-in
Oh, that is AWFUL. So gross. We’ve had mice die under our house, so I know the smell you’re talking about.
Shelly´s last blog ..Marshall Karp
If you have you heard any eerie voices in the middle of the night telling you to “Geeeet ooooouuuuuttt!” I think you’re safe. However, if you see a pig with glowing red eyes, I suggest you move.
Dingo´s last blog ..La Loco Laundry
Oh. My. Heavens – that’s it, I’m saying a rosary and hoping one of the Warrens contacts you ASAP – if they can fix the Amityville house – they can exorcise ANYTHING!
And I think it’s time to put away the wine and break out the vodka Ree!
Lys´s last blog ..Question to the Readers- Kitchen Organization
EEEEEWWWWWW!!!! Why are critters always clever enough to get in but too dumb to get out?
REDRUM… REDRUM… REDRUM.
just bob´s last blog ..Mothballed
we had a nest of baby birds fall into the wall cavity. While it was horrific to hear their cries, at least the little bastards had the decency to decompose quietly and scentlessly and without a whole freaking maggot ecosystem.
Cause EWWWWWWW.
That’s moose karma haunting your Tiki Time, right there.
Condolences to the family of said squirl.
charlotte´s last blog ..Fashion emergency
That is really nasty! We had a similar situation and the flies were swarming in our bedroom – out of an air duct. WE ended up vaccuuming them up alive. There were so many of them we could just waive the vaccuum cleaner attachment around and suck them up. A very disgusting memory but thoroughly satisfying.
Well……. I would advise more wine but it sounds as though the association is blowing those funds on bullshit repairs.
Get a new board president. STAT.
kim´s last blog ..How To Cause A Stir
It’s probably totally wrong, but it’s kind of funny. Mainly because I had my own experience with flies last fall.
I went to a retreat in upstate NY for a long weekend in November.
Went to bed in a pretty yellow bedroom with my roommate. We woke up to dozens of huge flies sprinting about the room the next morning. They doubled in number from the time we got up until housekeeping got in there to spray toxic chemicals around the room — that we needed to keep sleeping in the next 2 nights — to kill the flies. The flies dropped. .. like flies all over the 2nd story of this retreat center.
And housekeeping came by to vaccuum them all up before dinner.
It will forever be known as Amityville Horror House in my book
Andrea´s last blog ..Driving sustainable values through the Re-Generation