… and so I went shopping. Since I still had today off and oh mah holy hell people - enough with the togetherness already - I went down to the local strip mall (sigh - I miss my old mall) and hit Dress Barn and DSW. Three hours later, I called Mr. Hot to tell him I was still alive and heading home. “Get your sweet ass outside and be ready to help me carry in my haul,” were my exact words, I think.

I found a couple of floaty tops - very springy. A blue/black/white one and a gray/black/white version. They probably make me look pregnant, but they’ll be nice for working from home - not too dressy but more “work inducing” than my usual sweats/t-shirts and shorts. (What? You don’t think that’s a valid excuse for buying new tops? Snirk.)

And these:

Gray pants, black ballerina neckline t-shirt and crinkly pink/black/cream and gray overblouse. I have a cream colored sleeveless tank to wear underneath this, too, but since it’s still flippin’ winter around here, I’m going with black.

 

Black Slacks and a red self-belt cowl neck. I have a great red/white/black scarf to wear with this (I may replace the belt with the scarf). I’m never sure how to do the cowl neck though. Mine always look more like an overstretched turtle neck.

 

 

Navy slacks. I’ve had the argyle sweater and the lilac t-shirt that I’ll wear underneath it. The sweater was a gift from my sister-in-law (aka The Bitch Who Stole Christmas) for…Christmas(!) several years ago. I love the pants - they have 4 buttons on each hipbone - like sailor pants. (And the plaque to the left? Says, “Kiss Often, Lips Never Wear Out.” Just in case you were wondering. Snort.)

———————

Why yes, I am packing to go to Chicago, thank you very much! I leave at six-fucking-fifty a-in-the-m tomorrow morning. Let the whining commence. (And considering Mr. Hot just brought me a glass of lovely Chardonnay, let the wine-ing commence, too!)

Oh, and for Kelley and Lys and Candy and CookieBitch and the rest of my shoe whores:

 

Nine West. I love the straps - and the heel is black patent - while the rest is black leather. Yum.

 

- And -

 

 

The box says “Crown Vintage”. I love these. They’re gorgeous and comfortable. They were $79.99 - but on clearance - 30% off. The thing is, I can’t find “Crown Vintage shoes” anyplace. I was trying to Google the name because I fell in love with these and other pairs I saw there, but they don’t seem to actually exist. And I’m not the only one looking!

 

I only got black shoes this time because my normal two pair need to be tossed out now. I did scope out a beautiful pair of green patent flats and red patent slingbacks that I may just go back for the next time I need some “Me time.”

 

—- Okay y’all. Car reservations made. Boarding pass printed. Clothing packed. Wine glass filled. O’Horror? Bring it, mutha. I’m ready. —-

I finally found the right style of jeans for me. Yes, I’m 44 (and a half) - and it’s taken me this long to figure it out.

They’re Levi 515s. The description (from the Levi’s site) says it all: A bootcut jean that’s not too slim or too relaxed. Sits just below the waist with a close, comfortable fit through the seat and thigh.

And it’s true! I picked up two pair at Kohl’s last weekend - and I see them being part of my wardrobe for the entire winter.

It’s hard to fit my body. I have to find pants that sit below my natural waist and (and believe me, this is the important part) fit my ass. I don’t have wide hips - they’re actually pretty narrow, but my butt? Not flat, that’s for sure. Baby Got Back? Yea, Sir Mix-A-Lot walked behind me one time.

I can remember being in high school and having to wear jeans and pants (y’all remember Dittos?) that gapped so badly at the waist that I refused to sit on the bleachers at football games because guys would attempt to throw things down my pants. I was a horrible seamstress (and my mother was just as bad) so making any alteration to a pair of pants? Standing up for an entire school day was less painful.

So, anyway, to say I’m excited about finally finding these jeans that.fit.me. is a bit of an understatement. It means that Casual Friday and the whole Business Casual dress code is finally within my reach. (Yay, me!) And since I can actually find the “long” sizes, I can continue to wear my heels with them without looking the fool. (Since all of the other NaBloPoMoHos are showing their shoes, I thought I’d show you mine. They’re old and ratty, but amazingly comfortable. Dress Barn, circa 2003.)

Plus, I used my $10 gift card from Vicky’s Slutwear to get this on sale. In red.

—- So, what are your favorite jeans? Why are they your favorite? Is it their fit? Their softness? The hole that is in just the right place on your knee? —-

Circa Joan and David - Cecilia

and maybe these:
Because they are beautiful. And those boots? 4-inch heel. Oh man. We’re pushing the 6′2″ level there. Happy sigh. There are several new people of the male persuasion that I have to deal with now and some of them still think that the smiling Hotfessional can be steered away from her beliefs. Gently, to be sure, but steered away nonetheless. Six-foot-two adds a new factor to the equation when dealing with some people. [Snort!]

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And:

Visit NaBloPoMo

Oh I love that line. “That’s all you have to do.” Ha!

Yes, I will be participating in National Blog Posting Month for 2007 - a promise to post every day for the 30 days of November. Which hasn’t really been a problem for me since I usually have a steady stream of rants that spill out of my fingers on a daily basis. However, as soon as I clicked “Sign Up”, I immediately, simultaneously, went into a complete writer’s block. (Um, I’m not a writer. So, I guess it really means I am suffering from “not-a-writer’s” block.) Gawd, even my jokes are getting lamer and lamer the closer to November 1st I get.

If you decide to put yourself through this torture join in on the fun, remember to add me to your friends list. I’m registered as “Hotfessional”. We can commiserate about not-a-writer’s block together.

—- And I’ll take any suggestions on post topics that you want to send my way. Because otherwise, I can’t be held responsible for the number of “deaths by boredom” I cause. —-

Excerpts from the “Business Casual Dress Guidelines” just received in my email [with editorial comments by the Hotfessional]:

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WHAT TO WEAR

Appropriate Tops:
§ Business casual shirts / tops / blouses
§ Shells [over your nipples?]
§ Oxford / dress shirts
§ Polo-style shirts
§ Turtlenecks / mock turtlenecks
§ Shirts with collars
§ Crew neck sweaters
§ Cardigan sweaters / sweater sets [this is what I’m wearing today - and it’s 92 outside - and 1/2 the building lost power - and is without air conditioning!]
§ Vests worn with a business casual top
§ Suite jackets / blazers / sport coats [Sweet! or Suit! or Whatever!]

Appropriate Bottoms:
§ Business casual pants / slacks / trousers
§ Linen pants
§ Khaki-style pants
§ Dockers […as opposed to “business casual pants/slacks/trousers”? Huh?]
§ Capri pants

Appropriate Dresses / Skirts:
§ Business casual dresses / skirts
§ Tailored dresses / skirts
§ Linen dresses / skirts
§ Knee-length skirts (within business standards must strike the knee) [again? as opposed to ‘business casual, etc, etc.? w.t.f.?]

Appropriate Footwear:
§ Business casual dress shoes / sandals / pumps
§ Sling-back shoes
§ Open back dress shoes / mules
§ Flats / loafers
§ Leather topsiders / docksiders
§ Dress boots [I’m sure my thigh-high stilettos fit the description!]

WHAT NOT TO WEAR

Inappropriate Tops:
§ Sweatshirts / t-shirts (long / short sleeved) (allowed on Friday)
§ Tank tops
§ Shirts with pictures or language (excl. a small logo) [so, my “Heartless Bitches International” membership t-shirt is out?]
§ Backless, low-cut, sheer, tight or revealing tops [and 1/2 of the rest of my wardrobe?]
§ Bare midriff (front or back) / crop tops
§ Untucked shirts (excluding those tailored to be worn outside of trousers)
§ Fabrics: Denim (any color), vinyl, fleece or spandex [Well, here at least I have to say “Thank you Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus”]

Inappropriate Bottoms:
§ Jeans (allowed on Friday or M-Th if wearing a Monthly Jeans badge) [more about that monthly jeans badge later!]
§ Stretch pants / leggings / stirrup pants [Again, hallelujah!]
§ Sweatpants / sweat suits
§ Shorts / walking shorts
§ Overalls / coveralls
§ Trousers worn below the waistline or revealing navels [As long as they don’t go around lifting up shirts to see….how will they know? ]
§ Fabrics: Denim (any color), vinyl, fleece or spandex [And again….that spandex thing?]
§ City shorts [Now, this, I don’t really understand. Have you looked at women’s suits this season? Or can we override ‘no City shorts’ with ‘business suites’?]

Inappropriate Dresses / Skirts:
§ Sun dresses
§ Backless, low-cut, sheer, tight or revealing dresses
§ Overall / coverall jumpers
§ Skirts / dresses that are too short (i.e. mini’s)
§ Fabrics: Denim (any color), vinyl, fleece or spandex [no vinyl? damn. There goes the perfect outfit for my meeting next week.]

Inappropriate Footwear:
§ Athletic / tennis shoes (allowed on Friday or M-Th if wearing a Monthly Jeans badge)
§ Athletic sandals (i.e. Tevas)
§ Hiking boots / outerwear shoes or boots
§ Flip Flops
§ Garden Shoes (i.e. Crocs)

---

I’ve commented about Casual Friday before, so I’m actually really glad that guidelines came out. But come on - if managers didn’t counsel employees on how they dressed before, what makes anyone think that it’s going to happen just because an email gets sent out?

Now, about that Monthly Jeans badge? If you pay $25 and wear a bright yellow badge - which must stay visible at all times, you can wear jeans for that month. Jeans and tennis shoes. The t-shirts are still verboten (except on Fridays), but $25 will buy you the privilege of wearing jeans every day! Now, the money does go to a good cause, but people - you’re the ones I hear outside my office bitching about the cost of gas, the cost of food in the cafeteria, the low wages and the rising unemployment stats in the state. I can’t wait to see how many people buy into this.

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—- Mr. Hot, Shortman and I are out to see The Gin Blossoms tonight. I consider myself lucky that our 15-year-old will go to concerts with us. Of course, bribing him with Mexican food beforehand may have something to do with it —-

When I started working for this company back in 1992 (yes … 15 years ago … although technically, we’ve been bought 4 times since then, so … same hire date but different branding on my business card!) - all women had to wear skirts or dresses. NO pants! Yes, you read that right. Sad, isn’t it. The 90’s.

Once those of us with boobs (oops, there go the search engines) could start wearing pants, all of my pretty skirts and dresses got pushed to the back of the closet. Oh, I’d still pull them out every once in a while - for old times sake. I’d grimace as yet another fingernail went through the pantyhose ($7.50 down the drain). Then I finally decided - Pantyhose = BAD. Trouser socks = GOOD. Only under extreme duress would I wear something without legs.

So, what the hell happened this morning? I open my closet and see (oooh) pretty blue short-sleeved shift dress hanging there. I know it’s going to be pushing 90 degrees today. I now work in a building where you can go without pantyhose - just shave your legs for crying out loud - so I throw it on with a pair of matching ballet-style flats. Cute! Grab blazer for air conditioned conference rooms. Ready, set, go.

Walk downstairs. Mr. Hot looks up from his bowl of cereal. Does a double-take. “What’s the occasion?” says he. “Oh, just felt like something different”, says me.

Shortman comes down. “Mom, you’re wearing a dress?”. I reply, “Damn, I knew 11 years of public school would teach you something!”. (Snort. Sometimes I can out-sarcasm a 15 year old boy. Even at 7:30 a.m.)

Now, did I mention that I’m in the process of moving between old office and new office? (Window!) That I run all over this building? That I frequently have to bend over to pick things up? (I’m very clumsy and drop things. A lot.). So, not a smart choice for this morning. But cute. Very very cute.

In other news, tomorrow I leave for a 4-day weekend with Mr. Hot, the Shortman, and my 2 step-kids, the 19 year old and the 23 year old. We’re meeting up in Sandusky Ohio - home of Cedar Point and all things roller-coaster-y. Pray that it doesn’t rain in Ohio this weekend. For me, please???? Five of us in 400 square feet for 3 1/2 days doesn’t bode well for the mental health aspects of my family. However, I’m sure that it will generate some good blog material!

—- So until (if) I get back - You all have a great Memorial Day - Remember our fallen and thank them and their families for the sacrifices they have made. Don’t overdose on hot dogs and potato salad. —-

with fashion issues. She agrees about the tape, too. See Miss Doxie for a giggle or seven.