I refuse to believe it.

May 14, 2007

Three hundred sixty-five days and four-hundred eighty-one posts later, we are gathered here today to celebrate my blogiversary. I told y’all I was a wordy bitch!

Shall we take a short tour? (Go ahead. Laugh. I know! “Short” and “this blog”. Ha!)

This was the first time I ever got a real-honest-to-goodness comment - from Cupcake…who is still hanging around and whom I still adore (just don’t tell me if I used “who and whom” correctly). Thanks sweetie!

This post still gets hits. Apparently there are a lot of poor souls who are looking for business casual guidelines - thankfully, I no longer need to worry about such things. If my desk chair wasn’t the pleather-cheapie-special from Office Depot, I could sit here in my bare ass. (But I don’t because of the frequency with which I try to get up and find the backs of my legs skinned from where I’ve stuck.)

August, 2007 - you can read about my run in with Pepe LePew.

I started the great reveal here…with cleavage(!)- and a plea for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

And revealed more here. Wrote letters here.

In November, I did NaBloPoMoOhMahHolyHell, and finished it off with my very favorite shout out ever. Seriously, I think this was my crowning achievement in 2007.

Was it really this long ago that we found out we were getting another bundle of joy? And that I wrote a letter to my body as part of a BlogHer challenge?

March was a pretty amazing month. And you finally got to see what the Hotfessional looked like.

And then last month, I went with Kristabella to meet Bossy and a bunch of other wonderful bloggers.

You met me when I had just turned 44. When I turned 45, I got birthday wishes from “teh hol blogosfere!” - and it made my day.

Why do I blog? Why have I managed, when I usually flit from one project to another, to stay with this for an entire year? Why do I feel like I’ve know some of you for my whole life? Why do I cry with you and laugh with you? Why do I let you see me in my bitchiest moods? Why do I tell you my deep secrets and my secret fears?

Would I do this even if I didn’t have an audience? If no one read? (The answer to this is yes, I would, but damn…y’all make it so much more fun. Hell, I’ve even had a proposal. )

One of my friends on the other side of the world said it best. “I have found a whole community of people that I have come to care about very much.”

Thank you, thank you, thank you - one and all. Tonight I will raise my vodka/limeade to each and every one of you who has stopped by in the past year and brightened my day with your insights, your sympathy, your laughter, and most of all, your friendship.

And tomorrow, I’ll tell you a bit more about Meeting Mr. Hot. Because tomorrow begins Year 2.

And Kelley - this is especially for you - so you know that I’m not such a heathen after all:

Well, maybe I am a heathen, but I’m not a philistine:

So stop whinging about your eyes falling out of your head and tell me you love mah shoes!

—- And The-Husband stopped by earlier to take in the trash cans and walk the dog, but there’s been no sign of Mr. Not-the-Husband today. She has not left the house except to take the kids to the bus stop. The plot thickens. —-

I think I’m getting the plague. Or something.

Which is strange considering that a) I hardly ever get sick AND b) I haven’t hardly been out of the house. Can breathing your own air make you sick?

My ears are all stopped up - I may as well have my head under water. Which is going over real well with Mr. Hot. “Huh?” “Wha?” “Sorry, huh?” He already claims that I don’t listen to him. (But at least normally, when I choose not to listen to him I can hear him! He shouldn’t feel bad now, right? Because I really can’t hear what the fuck he’s saying! So the listening? Not a choice.)

Of course, I’m going to get my head shots on Friday, so let’s just be really miserable by then!  Let’s make sure death sounds like a less-shitty option.   Yay!

***lalalalalala***

MomandDad came over to my house yesterday because Dad fixed my birdhouse and made me some drawer-rails for my dresser so the drawers would stop falling out on my toes. It rained all day long. The plan was to head over to the bakery to pick up some goodies and grab Mom a present before they got to our house.  (Mother’s Day….Mom needs presents….even though I didn’t get any.  I’m not bitter.  Ha.)

Mr. Hot didn’t want to go out in the rain. (Snirk. Yea, right, he’ll melt. uh. huh.) So, even though MomandDad were supposed to be over at 1, I procrastinated until 12:40. Shush - the bakery is only 7 miles away. And a stop at the garden center to pick up a bunch of flowers or something wouldn’t take long. After all, when MomandDad say “One o’clock”, they really mean two-ish. Or thereabouts. Or “sometime that same day…y’know - the same day as the one o’clock day”.

I got to the bakery - picked up the goodies (hummus, bread, baklava and mahmool) - and left and it was only 12:53! (I rock. I also drive fast when necessary.) I ran into the nursery, grabbed a bouquet of purple roses and lilies and this:

for her garden - because he was so damned cute. (I think she should name him Steve. Do you think he looks like a Steve?)

Aaaaannnnnyyywayyyy, I turned onto our road (1.1 miles from home) at 12:59 pm - figuring I was golden! I had plenty of time. I could run upstairs, grab a card…write something sentimental and tear-jerky in it, and still have time to handcraft some wrapping paper ala Martha Stewart before they arrived.

Because on-time? And The Hotfessional’s MomandDad? Are not on speaking terms.

Except, apparently, yesterday. Because they were already there. At 1:0-freakin-4.

Oh well. No card, no handcrafted paper. Just a bag (paper, though! It wasn’t plastic!) and a Happy Mother’s Day!

Still, isn’t that one cute toad?

***lalalalalala***

And because I’ve subjected you to too much whining and moaning lately, here are some search term gems:

• business casual walking shorts 2008 - y’all? my business casual wardrobe is now cut-off sweats, a t-shirt, and slippers. (Kelley - look away, you’ll disown me)

• city shorts business casual - No. Just no. If you’re one of the women who worked in my office setting, do NOT wear city shorts. Please.
• all-green dry penis - Um. I’m sorry. I bet you can find a prosthetic one that is realistic though after yours falls off.  Veronica or Cookiebitch may know where.  And maybe next time you won’t do whatever it was you were doing.
• what would you do if you knew you could - Good question! Unfortunately, I’m 45 and don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
• quotes from superbad lemonade - “Ewwwwww, this stuff sucks.” “Tastes like piss!’ “Just give me straight vodka next time!”
• natasha richards revealing dress - I can tell you with 100% certainty that I have never written about natasha richards. I don’t have a clue who she is…but I think she’s the one that Mr. Hot was ogling the other day.
• hotfessional - Yes? that would be me.  As opposed to witchypoo - who is not me.
• stats how many people feel bluetooth is - better than green tooth?   Let’s vote shall we?
• another birthday got it right- yea, got it right in the gut. Oh mah holy hell, let’s not think about it, okay?
• have you sunbathed topless - Well, yes, I have. Y’all, here’s a hint. Use sunscreen. Lots and lots of sunscreen. SPF-783 is probably about right.

—- And for those of you wondering. - Mr. Not-the-husband drove up at 12:20 p.m. today and didn’t leave until 3:18. Guess they had the weekend to make up for. —-

Did y’all see Poppy’s post from a couple of days ago?

I went looking for a milestone on my own little site, and found that I received my 4,000th comment ever on this post. The comment?

“At that age, I wanted to kill all of my siblings, so that’s a nice moment.

P.S. I made you a “Ring Girl” .. hope that’s OK”

Care of Jenny @ Anonymous Boxer. Thanks so much AB! for the comment and for making me a ring girl.

—- Now, must go pick out the highest stilettos I have so I can parade around holding up signs. Maybe I’ll get to meet Michael Buffer. Love his voice, and I’ll rumble with him anytime! —-

If I’m a blogger, am I at risk of dying earlier?

Growing numbers of home-office laborers and entrepreneurs, armed with computers and smartphones and wired to the hilt, are toiling under great physical and emotional stress created by the around-the-clock Internet economy that demands a constant stream of news and comment.

Really?  Don’t worry, this is going to prevent me from ever having a heart attack while blogging having a money making site:

Speed can be of the essence. If a blogger is beaten by a millisecond, someone else’s post on the subject will bring in the audience, the links and the bigger share of the ad revenue.

Because, y’all?  I’m way too slow to catch things as soon as they hit the wire.   Look, as it is, I’m linking to a link of a link.

—- And with 362 new posts in my feed reader, I bet I’m not the only one posting this today! More later, but definitely not on this subject. —-

Remember New Year’s Day? I made a couple of Blogolutions. Things that are just for you! First, a monthly updated Blogroll with links to the month’s new commenters. (See, lurkers!?! If you comment, you too will be added to the ever-growing Linked List of Lust.)

So, today is Blogroll update day! I’ve had so much fun going through all of these sites -

Hill Smith Family Updates Another Gramma’s Girl/Chicken Killer
Sarah O. Lemon Life Also does Mamarazzi
Chocolate, the Other White Meat Homeschooler to 3 loving pink argyle
Days Go By Another freezing cold Taurus - even further north
Mommy Needs Five Minutes “Nothing in Life is About Me”
Deutlich - Speak on It Check out the 1943 post
Forever Amber Watergate - Not just for the U.S.
Heels Crumpled Blogging in Pink since 2003!
Whiskey In My Sippy Cup You must read her “About Me”
V Dog and Little Man 1 Mom + 1 Cute Little Boy
Harvest of Daily Life Also makes Talina’s Custom Crafts.
Marlee’s Rant But my therapist says I STILL GET TO COMPLAIN!
Pink Neck Girl A town girl relocated
Solomon You’ll realize you’re grateful too!
A Little Space for Me I love the haiku ladies
Musings At WindyRidge Knitting from her own sheep!
About My Crazy Life Nursing student banned from playing golf
Not Perfect 25-year-old self-proclaimed princess
MiKael’s Mania Arabian Horse breeder - my favorite animal
Mary-Minnesota Matron A Feminist marries a Prince and has Children
Dizzy Miz Lizzy Jewelry and Chocolate in Central Illinois
Correr es mi Destino World traveler settled down in Canada (for the time being)
Katie Hates Her Hair New in 2008 !
Phil Dodd I like him even if he is a WMU Bronco
Sangria Lover Sangria Lover AND Ben’s mom - how cool is that?
SchizoFrenetic Frenetic? Maybe, but she’ll still make you think

Don’t forget, if you’re not on my blogroll and want to be, put it in my comments or email me. I’ll get you on the list for February’s updates.

Tomorrow will be the Hotlight “Hot Crossed Crafts” Post! The first one ever.

On Wednesday, look for a list of the participants (so far) in the TravHell Contest. There’s still time to enter.

—- I also have a special post for Friday - the day I change my header. Stay tuned! —-

Visits are good.  Visits make bloggers smile.

Comments are like crack to a crack-head and chocolate to a woman with PMS.

Chris over at Rude Cactus and Aimee at Greeblemonkey decided today is the day.

Go see Sarah and her Goons and MommaK at Petroville too.

And if you run across that little guy up there anyplace else today. Please comment.

Wait though! Comment here first! The link for comments is up top. See it up there? It’s tiny, unobtrusive. Maybe that’s why you don’t comment more often? It’s after the date. And my name. And the category. Tiny. But clickable!

—- I’m not a crackhead, but I could use some chocolate. —-

So, no Wordpress -slash- hosting -slash- template issues today. I can hear y’all. “Oh, thank you, Hotfessional!!! Thanks so much, because, y’know, you were just getting to be really boring with all that talk and we thought we were going to have to pay someone to take your ass down.”

Thank you all for your patience while I made it through that little panic-inducing exercise. Let’s get over it, now, okay? Except for another shout-out to my friend witchypoo - with her extreme techno-geek helpfuless always at the ready.

(Oh, and y’all? I was supposed to write about her contest for a free psychic reading, because, she is! and then in my self-absorbed haste to get moved and my late-night vodka laden posts over my inability to focus and remember, for cryin’ out loud, I forgot. And the contest expired last night. But really, go read about how she worked with the police. Very interesting stuff there.)

And so, therein lies part of the problem. Not much to talk about. The weather? Butt-ugly and gray. The job? Busy, but very boring stuff. Travel? Nope. Not until next week. So, my hair? Yawn.

I did get to tell two of my staff that, due to the sale of our organization, and the re-classification of their positions, they are losing a week of vacation this year. How fun is that? (Hint - None. No fun at all.)

Instead, how ’bout some funny from some of my friends:

• Finslippy has awarded questionable parenting practices. Questionable? They just made me laugh. Hysterically.
• No one can make Kristabella do nuthin’ she don’t wanna.

Okay - back to the hair. I get to go home this evening and try to figure out what the hell my Professional Stylist (Her card says so. I still think she’s Fran Drescher in disguise.) did. I went in to get my roots done (again, sigh…why did my hair not grow so fast before I started coloring it?) and a trim. I left with some funky goop in it that makes the flat-ironed ends stick up. Oh, and then she said, “Try not to wash it for 24 hours.” Well, shampoo won’t touch it, but I’m definitely doing something before I go out in public tonight. Every time I catch a glimpse of my reflection in my office window, I get scared.

—- Hush up. Normally, I only get slightly frightened. But seriously, y’all, this is scary. I don’t know what.she.did. And I look like something from the ’70’s-gone-wrong. Think Carol Brady having a bad hair day. —-