Gosh and Golly Gee. Wasn’t that mean? I’m not generally a violence-unto-others type of person (I may rant at stupidity, but I rarely never fantasize about bodily harm), but oh mah holy hell y’all. I had a knot the size of a softball between my shoulder blades when I walked out of here yesterday.  I may have also ground my teeth down to the gums.

I know! Stress much?

Nothing that vodka/limeade, soft food, and a nice shoulder rub from Mr. Hot couldn’t cure, though. (Well, that and the fact that I only have one.more.day. to deal with it. One.More.Day. Ohhhhhhhm.)

Which brings me to today’s subject. Major Bedhead tagged me for The Six-Words Meme. Y’all have seen this right? Originally started by Smith Magazine - the history being:

Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Last year, SMITH Magazine re-ignited the recountre by asking our readers for their own six-word memoirs. They sent in short life stories in droves, from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”).

Here are the rules:

1) Write your own six word memoir;
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like;
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere;
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links; and
5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play

And my memoir?

Classic Type A attempting to B.

I’m going to tag:

Michael, Meghan, Jennifer @ The Cubicle’s Backporch, Sarah O and Ali.

—- And yes, tomorrow is my last day in this office. After that, I will be working from home with these on my feet and cats in my lap. One step closer to calm and serene. —-

After a weekend with 24, 20 and Shortman and their general destruction of house and home, listening to hours of Rock Band and phone calls at 4 a.m. (Seriously, 20? I don’t care if you talk to your b.f.f. at three-fifty-fucking-seven, but the fact that I thought you were standing next to my pillow - when you were, in fact, down the hall and down the stairs? Don’t ask to move in with us. Unless we measure you for a muzzle first.) has made me think of a new twist on the Movie Trivia thingie-memie.

Cult teen movie quotes.

You know. Those movies where (if you’re my age) you go to the drive in with a car-full of munchies and a joint. If you’re my stepdaughter’s age, you go to the 30-screen theatre and smuggle in some Mike’s Hard Lemonade. So, read the quotes. Guess the movie. Have fun!

And if you want to come clean my living room? Let me know.

1. I can see it all now, this is gonna be just like last summer. You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat, you bought forty dollars worth of fuckin’ film, and you never even talked to her. You don’t even own a camera. TxPoppet knows all about “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”.
2. He is the sweetest guy. Have you ever looked into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles. Heidi got this line from Superbad. Y’all? I started watching this with them Saturday night. At one point, Shortman mumbled, “This is kinda awkward.” I had already turned 17 shades of red by that time. I went to bed.
3. As you can see, Genghis greatly enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush. Jen on the Edge got this one from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”.
4. Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man’s livelihood. Go have fun, now? You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won’t have to come back here.  Says Dizzy Miss Lizzy - “Yup, I remember #4.  Risky Business”  The Hotfessional says, “Yup” right back.
5. You think he’s funny? You think this is cute? You think he’s “bitchin,” is that it? Let me tell you something. Look at him - he’s a bum. You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years. You’ll see how goddamned funny he is. “The Breakfast Club” - care of Lacey Bean.
6. Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, “I don’t believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me.” Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off people. LolCats and Bukkits notwithstanding, Candy got this Ferris Bueller’s Day Off quote.
7. No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn’t getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we’re not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid! Another movie that I’ve never seen, but have heard is hilarious. “American Pie” as outed by Virginia.
8. Julie, get your white as death-chalky ass corpse in the car-now. Sister Honey Bunch was the first one to know that the chalk ass corpse was in “I Know What You Did Last Summer.”
9. Violet, that is so cute! Now lemme tell you about me. My name is Wendy and I first moved to New York when I was 21 to be a dancer, but I broke my big toe and then I got knocked up by this actor who dumped me to join the Peace Corps, so for the last 16 years I been raising my daughter all by myself and then two weeks ago, she tells me that she is a bisexual and that she hates me more than any person on this planet. And Alison gets “Coyote Ugly” - I love this movie - and would probably dance on a bar with enough vodka and limeade in me.
10. Don’t write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring too. He’s a little bit long-winded, he doesn’t translate very well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible. From the absolute BEST National Lampoon movie ever. Dingo knew this was Donald Sutherland’s line in “Animal House”.

And for a bonus:

1. I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half, this is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass! Yay! Cupcake! Alright! “Bring It On” - Cheerleading angst at it’s finest.

Put your guesses in the comments!

—- Tomorrow we resume regular whining! —-