Remember this?

Jerry White is going to be on Good Morning America! tomorrow talking about Survivor Corps. Here’s another link for more info.

My entire day
was spent watching the dark sky
waiting for the rain.

First sale of the day -
A cross stitch book of patterns -
A crisp dollar bill.

The rain stayed away,
The people were very nice,
Young and old both here.

And then it was time
To grocery shop again,
Bread and milk were gone.

Now back on my couch,
Reading blogs I’ve missed for days
Vodka/Limeade, y’all.

And see what I got from witchypoo?

An award for the best comment! Snort.

—- Okay, must go read some more. I’m not commenting too much, because, y’all? Mr. Hot won’t shut up…keeps talking…and telling me to watch this, and watch that - and my comments are crap right now. Because I can’t ‘pay attention to me, pay attention to me’, and make coherent, meaningful comments at the same time. —-

Note: My apologies to Ms. Holepit. Apparently I spelled her name incorrectly. And she’s running against Jim Nabors!

What do I have for you all today? Not a whole hellalot. Everyone is home, safe and sound. Well, Mr. Hot did come out of the hotel this morning and find out that he had a flat tire. No, not him, personally, but my baby-car. Wal-mart - that W-by-gawd-V mecca of shopping - didn’t have the right tire. Buford the Wal-mart guy called his buddy over at Sam’s Club, Cletis. Cletis came through - except it’s a Michelin tire (and the other three are Firestones) that cost about what 4 new tires cost me for my old ‘74 Mustang.

They made it home in around 5 hours. This should scare the ever-lasting-crappe out of me. It would have taken me 7. I blame it on his obsession with Burnout. And my obsession with actually making it home in one piece.

Then we had to take the basement door off so that 24 could carry all of his shit downstairs. When we first talked about him moving in, he said, “Oh, I have a desk and my clothes, that’s all.” Um, unless he has a wooden, metal and glass wardrobe, there’s a hellalot more than clothes that went downstairs today. Mr. Hot already told me that the desk wasn’t in today’s haul, so I know that’s not part of the 327 trips up and down the stairs that the three of them made.

Now the door doesn’t rub and opens easily. (You find this funny, don’t you? Shut up.) It didn’t fit before. Which was actually a good thing, because it closed. And it took some muscle to open it. Now, though? It swings open and won’t stay closed without latching it. That’s okay, y’know, when no one, is, y’know, living down there and may need to actually come upstairs. I’m not Jame Gumb. So, the door needs to be adjusted to not fit. Yes. This is my life.

—- Then we had Taco Bell for dinner, and I’m drinking vodka and limeade. Waiting for Jon Stewart (who I am going to marry some day) to come on so I can go watch. —-

This is out in the front yard.  It’s 60 degrees and sunny.  Mr.  Hot and I have been grocery shopping this morning - and then we went back to the grocery store to get the things we forgot.  We did manage to get 3 great re-usable grocery bags for $0.99 each!  (Of course, I’m sure we cancelled that out by using the fuel to go back to the store, but eventually, I hope we’ll be on the positive side of the green line.)

We took Poopy the Puppy for a nice long walk around the wetlands pond, and yelled at him for rolling in the freshly laid goose shit.  After we came home and finished cleaning the rest of the goose shit out off, I clipped his nails.  He hates getting his nails clipped.   I hate clipping his nails.

The Tigers lost to the White Sox yesterday.   We’re not talking about that.

I have to go get my racing stripe covered today.

I’m reading “Veil of Roses” by Laura Fitzgerald.

I’m so far behind in answering emails, I’m sorry y’all.  I love you for commenting, and I want to respond to each of you - it just takes me a day or three sometimes.  You will hear from me, I promise!

And now I’m going to help Mr. Hot fix the headlight on the truck from Shortman’s little mishap.

—- I’m sure you’re yawning and wishing for a pillow and a nap after today’s post - but if other “Mr. and Mrs. Hot” projects are any indication, I’ll have a story to recount after this endeavor! —-

Comcan’t installed my office phone today. Digital Voice. The installation technician was even on time. I was thinking I was going to have to stop calling them Comcan’t or Comcrash, because, y’know, good service!?! But then, once the truck pulled out of the driveway and was at the corner, the internets went down. And the television. And Mr. Hot? was screaming, “What did you do?” (Like I have this magical ability to fuck EVERYTHING up. Most things, yes, but not everything.)

Oh Mah Holy Hell.

I called the Comcan’t office and a very, very nice person on the phone (No, I did not call on my new office Digital Voice phone, because, that may cause the neighbor’s house to explode or the Red Sea to part or something - I am powerful that way!) explained to me that my installation technician was most likely a contractor - who gets paid by the number of homes he wreaks havoc on visits - and didn’t say the magic voodoo words and kill the virgin chicken re-set the modem.

So, the very, very nice technician, “Tim” (I call him Tim because that’s what he said his name was), murmured the appropriate words and lo! There was internets. And television. And Mr. Hot now believes that I have the power to REPAIR, as well as DESTROY, my lovelies!

****** lalalalalalala ******

And now, the Coffee Snortin’ Hotlight. And no, not this kind of Coffee Snortin’ - because it’s about seventeen kinds of wrong.

Thanks Solomon for sharing this piece of grossness with all of us!

• From Candy we have Mental Poo - Moog says one of his favorite books is “The Stand”. Another? Jon Krakauer’s “Into Thin Air”. Me too! You should definitely read “Flushable Wipes My Ass“.
• Dizzy Ms. Lizzy gives us Kristy who writes at She Walks Around With It. And I loved her recounting of finding boxed wine. I love me some boxed wine.
• Lizzy also contributed Travis Erwin at One Word, One Rung, One Day. Check out his hilarious Hopping Down the Bunny Trail post.
• AND Lizzy (who is obviously an overachiever!) said to check out The Nerdy Redneck. He tells us that it’s hopeless and genetic here.
• Major Bedhead suggested hotlighting Kevin Charnas. You can learn about Kevin here and laugh about his red-underweared encounter with his neighbor.
• Mr. Lady (who cracks me up daily her own bad self) told me about Anne Nahm. She’s too cool for a tagline and wrote a compare and contrast post on/off birth control pills - I know whereof she speaks.
• One of my new commenters, Michael C, had me snorting (vodka, not coffee, but it was after noon 5). Go see The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile - and check out this one and that one.
• And these two bitches darlings bitches, Kelley and Mrs. FANCYPants have had a lovely time making fun of me in these posts. I was mortified. I cried (well, I laughed until I cried, but they couldn’t make me go run to mama.) Then Fancypants had to email me and tell me I missed her in my New Commenters post. So I edited it. Now she’s there.
• And Sonia actually blogged a coffee snorter about coffee!

And then there’s this:

that turns into this:

Iz watchun teh mows on teh desk.

****** lalalalalalala ******

—- Okay, April’s Hotlight subject is: Recipe Sites! We all have to eat, right? And with warmer weather around the corner (I KNOW it will happen), I want some new, lighter recipes for Mr. Hot to make! —-

The packing up of the office is complete. After tomorrow, I have 5 more days of getting up in the morning, leaving the house, and driving my teensy tiny little commute (2.1 miles each way…yes, I know exactly how lucky I am - I bought my house based on that commute). After that, I’ll be getting up and stumbling across the hall. I think it takes me 8 steps. Yes, I’ve counted.

You’ll be hearing my tales of learning how to be a full-time work from home Mom during the craziness that will be Spring Break (which coincides, Oh Mah Holy Hell, with my first week at home) and then during Summer Vacation. Oh, and let’s not forget my retired husband being around all day long and my stepson, 24, moving in with us in six-freakin-weeks.

Sigh.

So, tomorrow, being Good Friday, the schools are out. I have boxes of shit here that need to be carted home. Shortman has, in his young life, helped me pack and move offices four times. When I asked him if he’d come pick up these boxes (they’re already packed at least!) and take them home in his truck, he asked, “Do I get paid”?

Geez.

I wish I would have thought of the line that I read someplace (and I’m so sorry, I’d love to give credit where credit is due, but I just can’t remember). It went something like this: “Paid? No one paid me to push you out of my hoo-ha.” Because I love to completely embarrass my son.

Instead I offered to buy him lunch. In our cafeteria here. Because he loves their chicken Caesar salad wrap. He drives a damn hard bargain.

I share with you now some pictures (taken with my cell phone, sorry) of the havoc I’ve managed to wreak this week. (If you click the picture, the Bossy-inspired text is more readable.)

The credenza. My Ben Wallace bobblehead really does have a face - although after he left the Pistons for Chicago, I would have gladly rubbed it off.

Yes, I have a coffee maker in my office. What of it? So it’s against all regulations…I need mah coffee.

All of my books are in this pile. And bags of stuff.

—- Another reason to be glad school is closed tomorrow? No chemistry homework tonight. Y’all? High school chemistry is going to be the death of me. Ionic compounds and their molecular binding properties is NOT something my brain cells retained from (sob) 28 years ago. —-

When I signed up to participate in Neil’s Interview Experiment, I wasn’t so much worried about who was going to interview me because, y’know, I pretty much tell anyone anything here, as long as I don’t have to show my face. But I was worried that the person I interviewed was going to say, “Geez. What a dorkwad bunch of assinine questions.” Or “Does this person even know what an interviewer is supposed to do?”. Or, “I’d rather shut down my blog than respond to this drivel.” Or some such stuff.

But when I got Whitney’s link and started reading through her archives and her 101 things, I calmed down somewhat. Because she’s really quite down to earth for being so young (Shush. Yes, I know that I’m 23 years older than her. Yes, I do know that she’s barely of legal drinking age. That doesn’t mean that I couldn’t tell her to drink vodka while answering the questions.)

So, here’s the results of our email interview. Enjoy - and then go visit Whitney so you can see why I asked the questions I asked. (By the way, I added more stuff after she answered. My little sidebar comments look like this.)

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What is your favorite Middle-eastern food?
Arab baklava. But you have to say it the right way: BAWK-law-wah.
Oh, absolutely. We need to get people to stop saying “Back-lav-uh”

How many Kate Spade items do you have?
Not nearly enough, seeing as I break something new every week. On Super Bowl Sunday, a ceiling fan took my new sunglasses right off my head when I jumped a bit too high at the local bar.

How do you explain your auto-immune deficiency to others?
If it’s a new doctor, I smuggle in some tequila and say, “Oh, you are going to NEED this when I’m through.” Otherwise, I don’t really talk about it much. To be honest, I have some of the weirdest medical issues, so I feel strangely guilty bringing up another one to anyone other than family.
As a fellow auto-immune disease sufferer, I can understand this.

Are Kyle and Sona going to get back together?
I don’t know, Kyle’s off doing his own thing (read as: continuing on his mission to impregnate as many fifteen year olds as possible).

If you told me what Sona does in Quantico, would you have to kill me?
No, but Sona might. She is in the Marine Corps, training to be a translator. After that, she’s in the Middle East for a couple years. She’s originally from Iraq, you see, and she’s looking forward to kicking some insurgent ass.
My brother-in-law worked for a year as a translator….I remember hearing the phone clicks when we would talk to him as he was going through the ’security clearance’ phase of getting the job. We used to tell the people listening in that they were welcome to come over for dinner. hee!

Which arm did you break?
I basically shattered my carpals in my wrist. My school nurse told the ER doctor I broke my arm (elbow) so when I arrived with just a broken wrist, the doctor went ape-shit and bitched and moaned and shook my arm with annoyance/impatience. I remember, being nine years old and thinking, “You dickhead.” Thankfully, my mom said it for me.

How does anyone name their kid Brady Bunches?
His parents were bizarre (who sends their nine year old to school with Kahlua-filled chocolates for lunch?).The one time I met them, his dad started licking the school walls. Not gonna lie, it was a little awkward.
Um, I would think so.

Can you tell me where your piercings are?
Both ears are double-pierced and my belly button is too.

What was the best word you ever made playing Scrabble?
I flubbed a lot of words, but the best one I ever played was quaxi. It’s not even a word, but everyone bought it because when I was a loner, I read the dictionary. I think I gave a definition as some arithmetic term. Anyway, I won like 8 bazillion points.

Who was your date for Prom?
Sona. I’m not obsessed with her, I promise. Or maybe I am. Just a little, though.

Where do you buy candles that smell like cleaning products?
At the Bump N’ Dent. One of those food warehouses that sell expired food or products that didn’t really hit it on the market. For some crazy reason, people don’t like Clorox or Pine-Sol scented candles.
If you find Murphy’s Oil Soap or Orange Glo, grab one for me, eh?

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Thanks Whitney - for being such a great interview subject.

—- Now, the rest of you, if you haven’t done it already, go sign up! —-